I don't know what to do about my husband's weight anymore.
He's been a very big bloke ever since we met. We're talking close to 30 stone.
I have always loved and fancied him, so this is NOT about any kind of vanity thing or me being shallow in any way. I feel disloyal enough posting this so please do not flame me - I just really need help.
I am very concerned about his health, and I think it's also starting to affect our relationship.
There have been various things during our marriage that I thought/hoped he would lose weight for, like our wedding, our children coming along and so on. We've talked about how he wishes he could run around with our boys, and about how he hates the idea that they'll get teased about the way their dad looks. He's never done it though - and to be honest I find it quite hard that he can't even do it for our kids.
He lost about 4 stone a few years back but then when it dropped off a bit he gave up and put it all back on again, and hasn't lost much since. He'll occasionally drop a stone and then put it back on again, but most of the time he really doesn't try very hard and makes lots of excuses.
I'm not unsympathetic - I have three children (two his, one from a previous marriage) and I gained masses of weight with each and slogged to lose it again, so I know how hard it is - but I also know that I did it.
I've tried taking over his diet completely - (at his request) - ie basically putting him on a diet plan and then doing all his meals, but a) this is massive pressure on me with three kids to look after and b) it's very, very bad for our marriage as I will be getting up early to make him breakfast and pack a lunch for him and then find out he's eaten cake at work that day, and then it feels really personal, you know? Like he's stomped on MY efforts as well as his own. Or I'll be serving up a healthy meal I've cooked and he'll come into the kitchen and start buttering bread for a snack and I feel like crying.
Our sex life is good - but we are quite restricted in what we can do, position wise, and I would enjoy a bit more variety. I also have to say - since there's no point in not being completely honest here - that I sometimes feel really taken for granted, that he doesn't want to lose weight for me, when I am very conscious of still wanting him to fancy me and my post-baby body issues and all that, and work quite hard to overcome these things (exercise etc). I do feel a little embarrassed at times when I introduce him to people for the first time, as I know they are thinking things about the way he looks and will talk about it later. He's a very big man. I would love to go out for a meal with him and not worry that people are looking at us, and not worry about whether the chairs in the restaurant are strong enough for him (which is not always the case... )
His problem is that he seems to have very little self control when it comes to food. It's like an addiction. He also eats huge portions of everything, and really enjoys food.
Finally, he has seen a doctor and tried diet pills twice which didn't work as they give you the shits if you eat too much fat, so in the end he didn't take them if he'd had a 'bad food day' and they wouldn't prescribe more in the end. He's seen a nutritionist who told him that he knows what he should be doing and she can't really help him anymore as he is just not doing it, and it's really up to him! We've also talked about surgery but I am very, very anxious at the idea of him going under the knife at his weight. Essentially I have a husband walking around today and although the worry of the heart attack etc is there (I keep asprin on me at all times), he's still here. I feel terrified that he'll go under for surgery and have complications and die, and I'll think that it was all unnecessary as his health (blood pressure, cholesterol etc) is actually surprisingly normal.
Finally finally - he is the loveliest man on earth. I am so, so in love with him and he is my soulmate. I've tried talking to friends and family but nobody really knows what to do, so that is why I'm turning to you for advice. I just want to make sure my lovely husband is around for a long and happy life with me and our beautiful children.
What do I do?