DH has had a shouting match with MIL - advice please

[HowlerMonkey]

This happened last night. I'd had a long day and was sad/tired, he'd had a long day and was just tired, she was staying with us and had had (by her own admission) a lovely day of shopping.

I had an argument with DH over something trivial, where we both did our share of stomping. She looked on in horror. I then ate dinner with her while he settled the kids upstairs and she kept on saying 'oh isn't it DREADFUL' in that way people do when they're loving the drama. I tried to get her to drop the subject but she kept com7ng back to it. Finally DH came back down and we settled things amicably. But she kept on saying to him (over his dinner) the same 'dreadful' nonsense. Eventually he lost his patience and had a proper go at her.

He told her she was a poisonous old baggage, that she has a sad lonely existence, that she has driven a wedge between him and his brother - lots of stuff like this, including an accusation that she was just stirring because she loves drama and causing discord (I happen to agree with him). I kept trying to stop them both from speaking but I didn't manage to stop them before enough damage had been caused.

She had a fit of hysterics, seemed really upset and frightened by the fact that SHE was the target ('I've seen him talk to girlfriends like that, but never ME' ) and basically insisted on leaving - I had to call her a cab and book her a room elsewhere ('oh I'm so FRIGHTENED, please help me').

Anyway. I have told DH that whilst I understand his annoyance - and I do, as I think he was entirely correct - I don't approve of him shouting at her and that I think his behaviour was poor and that he owes her an apology for shouting. He agrees (a bit reluctantly). He lets rip like this very rarely and i make sure he gets read the riot act immediately afterwards, so he's not just a wanker.

She has sent us a message of 'you nasty cruel bastards' overnight, which seems unfair to me as I was trying to be nice to her.

So. Would you do anything in this situation, or just leave DH to it? I'm worried that he has 40 years of frustration clouding his judgement.

Thanks for any advice and please excuse the typos below, my stupid tablet hates me

.').

Again, I'm sorry but if you are able to step back, this is all so utterly dramatic and theatrical. I can almost see the outraged handclasping and swirling cloak.

I think you're right though. This is the time to cut the conversation.

"It was settled long ago between Ben and I. Beyond that there's nothing more I can say. I'm afraid that I won't be discussing this any more. Goodbye".

And then stick to it, solidly, no further answers.

I take it you have discussed all this with your other half? when you are dealing with a person who likes division, even one as obvious as this, it's essential to communicate so that you can't be drip fed different stories.

I've just read the whole thread mumof and honestly I think you've been a saint

If it were me I would be backing my DH the whole way, I think it's great that you've tried to remain neutral but your mil is obvioulsy not going to settle for that and is going to keep pushing at you. I'd send one final text to make it clear you are behind your DH with whatever he wants to do next and that you don't welcome anymore contact from her until things are resolved

I think any response will draw further vitriol. Please try and just ignore. Screen shot if you need to keep this for whatever reason then delete and block her.

I wouldn't reply to the latest text - she's trying to draw you in and get the argument going again. Ignoring her text will allow you not to be drawn in further. She's a piece of work! Oh and I suspect Mintyy is your MIL

Robot I did wonder for a split second, but then I remembered that I've seen Mintyy around on lots of threads before this and I don't think MIL is that computer literate!

I texted back essentially what I said I would and now I intend to ignore.

is it feasible to get call blocking, or do you still need to be able to communicate a little for when all this dies down?

Mother and son issues, they know each other better than anyone in the world, and they will settle it soon enough. You just be nice to each of them, and make light of it.

Blimey she is drama lama!

Jeremy Kyle will prob give u a ring Mon morning.

Yes! That's exactly what it's like in the relationship DH & I have with MIL. You just start to relax & think she's grasped this thing about boundaries, & then - BOOM! - some completely outrageous remark / behaviour comes seemingly from nowhere when you're just not prepared for it.

yes, yes, yes! I've finally learned to stop getting sucked in - they never change - eg. one of my parents has recently told me and my siblings that we have "stolen" his inheritance - backstory: my other parent died last year and left him everything (fine, we weren't expecting anything) a relative of hers died a few months later and as she was a beneficiary, me and my siblings gained instead. It's not even a huge amount of money in the scheme of things. Probably 1% of what he inherited. But he couldn't bear the fact that we got something he didn't.