Can't believe he's doing this!

[AuchAyethenoo]

I posted a last week about some financial issues I'm having with my dp, basically he works full time on a decent wage, I receive CTC, cb and maintenance for my eldest dc. I pay half of all the bills, mortgage etc plus buy all of the food and all of the children's clothes, activities etc, etc. This has, of course, caused major stress for me to the point that my mum takes me food shopping just to ensure we have food in the house for my children.

Yesterday he comes home telling me he has just found out his brother (9 years old) has rattled up a £700 bill on his x-box on his mothers credit card. That she has no money at all now. MIL is on benefits, I suggested she could contact DWP to apply for a loan for food and essentials and perhaps speak to her sons father to arrange buying food for them.

I've now found out that dp has given his mum about £300. I don't grudge his mum help for food, but what I am struggling with is that he has no issue giving his mum money but never has any to give to me for our children.

Bloody hell Auch, this is shocking.

I'm in the SW if that's even close I am more than willing to help.

Hope you are safe and he is just around too much to post.

Sorry about that, meant to post to a new thread. Has been reported and should be taken off. As you were

likelovelove please start a new thread or you will get lost in this one. Please don't be afraid to start a new thread you will get lots of help and advice.

x posted

And I didn't mean that to sound as horrible as it did! I haven't read the thread sorry, but sending you lots of support and strength in your situation. Hope you and your DC are able to get away, you sound so strong

Hope you're okay OP.

Another person hoping you're okay.

Thank you all for your concern and support. My dd2 has been ill for the past couple of days and dp really hasn't left me alone at all, to the point of taking yesterday off work.

Things have been tense, he asked where the passports where, I said I'd been looking for something in the drawer and didn't think they were safe in there so moved them, he pointed out that I hadn't moved his and asked where the others were, he has now put them in the loft where I'm not allowed to go.

I had an appointment to go view a house yesterday but couldn't as he didn't go to work, I had the agent call me a few times but my phone was on silent ao I don't think he knew, but as I've messed the agent about I doubt I'll be given another chance to view the house.

As predicted he has been extremely nice to me the pat few days, and (I feel shit saying this) thankfully because dd2 has been poorly, he's been sleeping on the couch.

I've found another couple of places to go view but it's difficult as I don't work, they are insistent on a guarantor. I will have to find a way to deal with that before anything happens. But I've collected some important photos and slowly gotten some clothes in bags and given them to my mum to keep, I told dp that they were to small so going to the charity shop.

You're doing fine, auch. The estate agents will still be there next week. They will not take it personally!

What do you mean you're not 'allowed' in the loft? I think i would take that as a challenge! What's up there that he doesn't want you to be aware of?
Re rent/guarantor/advance - can you get to the CAB or phone WA today?

Dear god, OP! He is abusive, he is abusive, he is abusive!

Stealing a passport is illegal.

Do go to the loft.

Can you apply for new passports? And have them sent elsewhere?

Keep strong.

He stole the passports, and ,IIRC, the children are not his. She could tell the police.

Have you tried going to your local council housing? Some of them maintain lists of local landlords that accept housing benefit. They can also help with a deposit. WA also might be able to help.

As for the passports in the loft, you can go and get them, there is no such thing as not allowed in your own home.

Can you not just go? To your mother's? I know you sad she smoked, but wouldn't it be easier to get on with everything you have to do if you weren't sneaking around?

I've been following you, you are doing well and doing the right thing. If your username is suggestive of the local area you live in then I am likely to be very close to you and am willing to help however I can. I'm afraid I have no practical advice re the passports but I'm thinking of you.

I would like to think it would be better to go to mums for a few days until accomadation is sorted out. he will not let you have the headspace you need to sort things out. Once you have gone things will be able to be sorted much better. as for passports either get them asap or wiat till you move and come back when he is out - with someone with you. I would advise just go - today if you can?xx

Why can't you get in the loft? I'm worried about you. He knows something is going on. Could you not invent a reason to go out without him insisting on going with you? Love, he's a very abusive man and it goes far further than financial doesn't it x

Auch you are definitely doing the right thing! You are so brave. You've already gotten some stuff to your mums, which is great. Try to emotionally prepare yourself to just walk. Keep visualizing exactly what you will do. It would be ideal to be able to safely prepare before you go, but he sounds so controlling, this might not be possible for you. Imagine how he'll feel when he loses control? Anything could happen. Much safer to prepare and make arrangements once you're safe and sound at your mums. Honestly, I completely know where you are coming from about the cigarette smoke - my dc's have never been in my mums house for the same reason - but a couple of days, a week of it, won't do them any lasting damage. Compare that to witnessing whatever blow out will ensue if he finds out exactly what you're doing. Whatever you decide, I'm thinking of you x

Good that you're not letting the passports derail you. You can replace those later.

I really think your mum's the safest place. The smoke will be unpleasant, but for a while it will be ok.

Ring women's aid again and explain the situation, they will get you and the kids out and give you somewhere to stay. Don't worry about estate agents etc, he knows something's up, you need to get out asap.

Would he normally be all weird like that about you moving passports? If that is out of character then I would take it as a sign that he's suspicious and get out now.

Hi auch

Thinking of you.

Can you take the children to a caravan for a week? Cheap bnb? It's temporary but that's all you need to get on a council waiting list. Can women's aid help you find a place to go quickly? I am worried he might start to get violent if he realises what's going on. Staying home is just so overpowering