AIBU to be annoyed at DH

[MisselthwaiteManor]

I have a 13 week old who screams all evening, 3-4 hours almost solidly, she has done this for weeks. She also has reflux which is controlled pretty well during the day but this screaming often sets off a vomit fest.

I have PND and anxiety and basically just hate being alive right now and this screaming doesn't help.

DH often works late (to 11pm) but after me calling him home in tears several times his boss allowed him to change his hours so he could work earlier and get home at a normal time. This happened for one week, DH has now switched his hours (by choice, not his bosses say-so) to working till 11pm EVERY FUCKING WEEKDAY

I am on day one of this and the baby is screaming right now and I am feeling like he has done this on purpose so he doesn't have to deal with it and I can't see past the next 3 hours let alone doing this every day for the next however many years.

I have no other local support and he knows this. I fucking hate him right now and I feel like telling him to not bother coming home. I don't know if my judgement is being clouded by this incessant noise and stress but I don't want to see his face after he has done this to me.

She will be angelic when he comes home so he is of no use to me then.

[MisselthwaiteManor]

She's calmed down enough for me to get a dummy in her mouth now so hopefully soon she will take a feed and go to sleep. One day down a million more to go.

[teacher123]

Have my first ever LTB. He sounds like an absolute arse. He disappeared when you needed him when you were pregnant and he's deliberately avoiding helping you now. Surely you'd be better off without him? This awful colicky phase will end, do you want him in your life then?!

[MisselthwaiteManor]

She's mix fed so if I wanted to walk out now I could do, there's formula in the house. There's no point tho cos he'd just take her to his mums house, he wouldn't have to sit here with the baby on his own for hours like I do.

[StraightJacket]

And what shitty excuse did he give you when he returned?

I am starting to think that maybe you would actually cope much better and feel better if he was out of your life. He sounds like an entitled, selfish knobber!

[MisselthwaiteManor]

He is so selfish. If he's not going to even help with the baby anymore then I don't see the point of this relationship. When I write all this stuff down I think ehy on earth am I even still here in this house.

[StraightJacket]

If you mix feed, do you use the formula specifically for reflux? It is made by SMA and is in a purple tin. You can get in on prescription.

[MadBusLady]

Oh marmalade this is the tip of a bloody big iceberg isn't it.

Could you go to his mum's with the baby some evenings (assuming you get on)?

[MisselthwaiteManor]

He had gambled (he used to be a gambling addict and it was a minor relapse) and so decided to disappear instead of facing up to it, turned off his phone and let me wonder if he was dead. About the 5th time he had done it but first while I was pregnant. I posted here and got a lot of support which helped me get into a position today where Incould leave if I wanted to, but I think I should have left back then.

[Tiredmumno1]

After reading your last message regarding his mum, I think he really needs to be told to grow up and take some bloody responsibility. Disgusting and pathetic, does he go running to mummy if he is ill?

Do you get on well with his mum?

[MadBusLady]

(Am not prejudging the relationship, by the way, just thinking of how you might cope with evenings this week...)

[paperlantern]

another vote for cranial osteotherapy. took ds from holding down nothing at 8 months to eating within 3 sessions one week apart. he then needed top ups but slowly he could last out 6-8 weeks between sessions. he still goes now at 6 but he has other issues too.

monkey hold described earlier, makes big difference to pain levels

back to regular docs because ratadine isn't working.

reflux really can be hell on earth, but it can be helped.

give some thought as to whether "D"P is actually part of the cause of the depression

[MadBusLady]

x-post, the fifth time?

Bloody hell. Gambling every time?

[MisselthwaiteManor]

I don't really have the sort of relationship with my in laws where I could rock up with the baby on a regular basis but if it got monumentally unbearable I probably could as a one off.

[Ledkr]

I'm not even joining in with the discussion on him buy just wanted to say that if its this bad then see dr again and ask for a referral to a paediatrician.
My dd was like this and it hideous and she was my fifth and my dh is amazing. She cried almost constantly.
There are other meds you can try.
Do you have her cot wedged up?
Try water too as I found that helped.

[MisselthwaiteManor]

Yeah, not even the sort of money that warrants a big dramatic disappearance, last time was his bus fare, a tenner!! A few posters suggested he was doing it for the drama and attention which is probably right

[cerealqueen]

I was just thinking what teacher123 said. He is being deliberate in his lack of support and dispassionate in his response to you.

Would his mum not be able to provide you some practical support? Does she know what a cock he is?

[Tiredmumno1]

Ok well I think if you really need their help then ask. Other than that tell his mum to stop taking the baby from him as he isn't even trying, just palming her onto them, cos he can't be bothered.

Christ I don't want to say LTB, however you sound like you really don't want to be with this selfish git (understandably)

Do you love him?

[MisselthwaiteManor]

She saw a paed who prescribed we ranitidine, it was an enormous fight to get the ranitidine and I do think it works but she needs her dosage upped, she's gained a lot of weight since then. GPs won't do it so Inthink trying to see a paed again is a good idea

[cerealqueen]

Sorry, didn't see your last post about that. I've never said LTB either but really, he isn't going to be there for you or the baby is he?

[MisselthwaiteManor]

I love him, don't think he loves me though. I care about his well being but he doesn't seem to care about mine

[MissStrawberry]

I remember your thread when he fucked off and we were all desperately worried for you.

He is a game player. Make you panic so much that the fact he is there is enough so you don't ask for any actual help.

Your relationship is over when you find yourself married to a toddler.

[cerealqueen]

But loving him is no good for you is it, or your baby. Your Dp should be an added benefit, not an emotional drain on you.

[Tiredmumno1]

Does he ever do anything for you?

A relationship has to be a two way thing.

Is he this selfish with everything?

Sorry so many questions, it's just you really don't sound happy at all I am so sorry he is making you feel this way. I wish I lived closer to try and give you some help and support.

Would you consider the possibility of asking him to move into his mums for a little while, and see how you feel without him there?

[MinnieMousse]

YANBU

Reflux is awful to cope with and you need the support of your partner.

Your DDs reflux is not being properly managed. I have had two DDs with reflux and once on the correct medication (and hydrolysed formula if necessary) your child does not need to be in this much pain. You need to get back to see the paediatrician or a different GP. Your DD clearly needs a higher dose of ranitidine or to try medication such as Omeprazole. If you can get the reflux under control, hopefully it will help your PND.

Feel free to PM me if I can offer any advice about the reflux.

[cerealqueen]

A friend of mine had a baby who suffered terribly with reflux, her DP drove the baby round for hours when he got home from work to give her a break (it helped baby too) He should be doing that.