AIBU to be annoyed at DH

[MisselthwaiteManor]

I have a 13 week old who screams all evening, 3-4 hours almost solidly, she has done this for weeks. She also has reflux which is controlled pretty well during the day but this screaming often sets off a vomit fest.

I have PND and anxiety and basically just hate being alive right now and this screaming doesn't help.

DH often works late (to 11pm) but after me calling him home in tears several times his boss allowed him to change his hours so he could work earlier and get home at a normal time. This happened for one week, DH has now switched his hours (by choice, not his bosses say-so) to working till 11pm EVERY FUCKING WEEKDAY

I am on day one of this and the baby is screaming right now and I am feeling like he has done this on purpose so he doesn't have to deal with it and I can't see past the next 3 hours let alone doing this every day for the next however many years.

I have no other local support and he knows this. I fucking hate him right now and I feel like telling him to not bother coming home. I don't know if my judgement is being clouded by this incessant noise and stress but I don't want to see his face after he has done this to me.

She will be angelic when he comes home so he is of no use to me then.

[MisselthwaiteManor]

He is wonderful when he is here he does his share and more its just getting him to be here when he's needed!

Oh I have got furiously angry with him but he is infuriatingly quiet when I get the rage and makes me feel like I'm telling off a toddler.

I have friends and family for moral support but they are hundreds of miles away so no practical support

[theignored]

Regarding the baby....My baby was like this (and at 8mths is only slightly better...sorry!) I would go to your gp's as much as you need to until you find something that works for your baby. We have tried, gaviscon, colief, milk for reflux and finally dairy free milk which makes a huge difference to the crying. I was at the docs every week nearly.

Regarding the hubby....he is being incredibly selfish, if he's finding it hard to deal with the crying and would rather work. It helps him but doesn't help you does it?
I would try and talk with him about it.

Have you got any earphones? I used to put some music on and sing through the crying. Big hugs, it really is an awful time xx

[MadBusLady]

"awww wish I could help" Can't get over how tosserish that is.

[TheUnsinkableTitanic]

Jeez Marmalade - where are you?
would you be happy with some help
I'm in NI if any use?

[OHforDUCKScake]

Probably already been suggested, but she might have an issue with dairy.

Do you have much dairy in your diet?

And YANBU to be annoyed. I hope things improve for you. X

[StraightJacket]

My DS2 had terrible reflux. He had ranitidine and gaviscon which helped a lot! It does ease, I promise you.

As for your husband, I wouldn't be impressed at all. He was too tired? Tell him to join the club with every other parent of babies, and toddlers in some cases! Doesn't give him the right to get out of responsibilities.

[Wishfulmakeupping]

cranial osteopathy is a good suggestion look into it. If you are in east mids pm me OP

[MisselthwaiteManor]

She will be quiet when he comes home so he will sit down with a cup of tea and do nothing, and I will want to punch him in the gullet. I really don't want him to come home. He knows how bad she is inthe wvenings cos he sees it at weekends.

I know, it pisses me off no end when he says stuff like that, I don't need emoticons and diddums I need actual help.

[teacher123]

DH and I were discussing just today about how it's easier to be at work than to be at home once you have a baby, and I think your DH is taking the piss big style. DH works shifts on a 7 week pattern, and his lates were by far the worst when it came to me tearing my hair out and just being desperate for some respite when DS was tiny. I also used to struggle to feed myself as would be dealing with DS all evening so often didn't manage to get any dinner and would just be frazzled.

[Ragusa]

I have experience of both severe reflux and milk allergy in a BF baby so if there is anythin I can do re info and signposting let me know. It contributed heavily to ny PND too

[StraightJacket]

Meant to say, go back to the gp and say the ranitidine alone isn't working and get some gaviscon.

[peggyundercrackers]

our dd had really bad reflux at the beginning for about 16 weeks, we eventually settled on giving her infacol - nothing else worked for us, this was about the 3rd or 4th different medicine we tried - just because you are using ranitidine doesn't mean its working as it should.

can I ask why she screams and thrashes about at night but not during the day? is she warmer/colder? different room? overly tired?

its not easy I know but it will get better.

[cantthinkofagoodone]

Colic. Enough to drive anyone loopy. H is being v. V. Unreasonable.

Is this your only child? I used to take mine out in the pram and let him scream at me from there. Not being in helped me.

It will pass but if he can be there, he should be. Try the gp again too.

You are doing a good job. Trying to calm them down is so unsuccessful until they've done their 3 hours so much of the time but you're trying and for the 2 minutesit works you've achieved something.

[teacher123]

Could she be overtired/over stimulated? Maybe early bath and bedtime might help? Big hugs x

[MisselthwaiteManor]

I cut out dairy for about 6 weeks ad didnt see any improvement but I still hardly have any.

Sorry for my typing I'm actually shaking with stress here

[DawnOfTheDee]

Whereabouts are you OP?

[teacher123]

Do you have one of the lightshow things that project on the ceiling? Turn all the lights off and lie on your bed cuddling her, it might distract her and you can take some deep breaths and regroup. I know that terrible shaky feeling of doom x

[MrsGarlic]

Oh my god I would kill him. He is too tired to do earlies? Too fucking tired?! And you're not tired?!

TBH I'd probably get to the point of turning up at his bloody work, handing the baby over and storming off! And you have PND too. You poor thing.

[mactavish]

I'm so sorry, poor you. No you're not being unreasonable to be seriously p*ssed off with the selfish man. Think you should show him this whole thread so he can see what people think of his decision to abandon you to deal with this very very difficult time on your own.
It is his child, doesn't he care about her or you? You need support to look after your/his child and if he can't be there to do that then he needs to make some other arrangements not leave you to cope. YOu will only feel more and more resentful whilst he continues to dodge responsibility throughout the years.
Also agree with the other poster that said maybe you should just get completely over the top angry with him and get him to change back to early hours from tomorrow.

[gordyslovesheep]

OP I am in the Midlands and would be happy to come and hold her for an evening (in a none weirdo way - I've had PND and it's vile x)

[sparklekitty]

Let us know where you are, I'm sure someone will come and help. I'm on kent/east sussex boarder, more than happy to come and help if you don't mind my slightly manky fluffy jumper :)

[Shakey1500]

Can you get away one night when he's not working? Stay a night at a friends? Hotel? B&B? Just to get some REST and be away.

YANBU, it's a cop out.

My DH used to bugger off on jollies to London at weekends when DS was a baby. I was too riddled with PMT at first to do/say anything. Got wise and when he announced that he was off again, I also booked tickets and went the following weekend. On My Bloody Own. Nowt he could say, what's good for goose...

[BishBashBoshBoo]

If its getting too much, place the baby in her cot where she is safe and walk away for a short breather.

This advice saved my sanity. And did no harm. DD is now 7 and happy.

[StraightJacket]

In the Midlands too and would be happy to take it in turns with gordy!

[bonzo77]

What happens if you put her on her tummy with the head of her cot propped up a bit?

DS2 was a refluxy, colicky screamer. One day when he was about 10 weeks I very nearly lost it. So I put him down as described, shut the door and sat in the garden. After 25 minutes I came in and he was asleep. Everything I had been doing to calm him had actually been irritating him. At 9 months his reflux has all but gone, the colic is a distant memory. He's still a sensitive soul who likes specific conditions to sleep.

If your baby is now 16 weeks, she'll be rolling soon anyway, so I'd really consider tummy sleeping.