engaged..but found my dp has been messaging a woman on fb for months

[holstenlips]

Im so hurt but dont know if im overreacting. I had a hunch unexplainably about this woman. I made dp give me his phone after a row and he had text her the last time that morning to tell her he had a hard on. Im dying inside. He says he never meant any of it.
We were happy I thought
He started it with her. I got all the messages back 3 months. Most are pretty mundane but he has been sexual in some and they have both said they had naughty thoughts. He ends his texts " love you lots lovely "

Lucky escape lass, I'm just sorry you had to get so badly hurt in the process.

Is your daughter feeling any better?

I would give fB a bit of a wide berth. Just to give you some clear headspace. He and his family knows you are a good person so they will do anything they can to win you back/give excuses. Don't give in!!

Here's a true story:

When I was 25, I was madly in love with 'The One'. We lived with each other a few years, convinced we were going to get married etc. I once came home to his work laptop open (he wasn't expecting me, I came home early from work ill). This was way before the likes of fb and maritalaffairs.com etc.... He was messaging other women and arranging meetups by the motorway using the then basic 'chat' / 'messenger' probably Yahoo.

10 years on, he contacted me out of the blue. He's now 'happily' married with 2 dcs. He messaged me saying he'd be 'up for a one night' stand that he thought about me loads, that he's love for a bit of fun. I thought I'd string it out - also for a bit of fun. Goading him, pretending I was interested. All the while, showing it to my dp for a laugh. I got him to book us 5* hotel, dinner, I got him to arrange a night away....LOL

I sent him a printed photo imaged transcript of our text messages and I asked if his wife would be interested in seeing it because obviously, she'd love to get in on the fun too? LOL. He got bloody abusive. I didn't tell his wife in the end, as his business is no business of mine - but quite honestly, I felt very bad for his wife having to live with a twunt of a cunt and I felt very lucky to have left him back when I did all those years ago. I am absolutely 100% convinced he is having an affairs now!

Ugh. Disgusting, Cookie.
He's just text me..I love you. I wont reply but im thinking "I love you lovely ×××" his last message to her (that I saw)
What a horrible twat. I think I will be better off financially now too as I wont have to feed and support him.
Im single. End of. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who replied on this thread. I just read again from start to finish to keep my head straight.
Really I so appreciate it x

You are doing great, holstenlips.
Keep it up!
for you and your little girl.
Stay focused on work at work. Tell people when they ask, but keep explanations brief and to the point. Try not to get sucked into venting about him at work as that would not be appropriate, imho, and be a distraction from productivity.
Think of him as being a Ferengi from Star Trek NG (they are sleezy liars). ICK!

Haha thanks...I shall keep that in mind.
Im going to be hard working and professional dont worry ..I wont be wanting to cry at work anyway. I probably wont even look at him or talk about it with anyone.
Right I better get up :-)

Sit at your desk with a self satisfied smile, it will scare the shite out of him.

Put on your bullshit amour and let it roll right off. You are doing a fantastic job.

Hes not shown up for work. Both his parents have text me to say good luck with work.

Feckless and irresponsible at work too eh? Nice.

Be careful your hair doesn't get ruffled from dodging that bullet, you don't want to ruin that cool as a cucumber look.

Thanks Booster :-D work was ok considering ive been off 9 weeks and all this crap.
Have a day off tomorrow then 2 days in. I got a text from him at lunchtime to say hope it went ok thinking of you. Blah.

Blah Blah Blah indeed.

Its just words isn't it. Enjoy your day off to regroup and go in all nonchalant on Thursday. Its the indifference that hurts the most.

Im aiming for indifference. .the words he exchanged with her. .urgh just going round and round. Still feel hurt and im hoping it wont take too long til im over him.
I didnt tell anyone at work. Not even my team leader when I had the opportunity. It was too hard. Loads of people asking me where he was today. And one lad said "is he with his other girlfriend - joke" Still I got through the first day

Good for you, it takes a lot of strength and dignity to do what you have done. I hope you are incredibly proud of yourself.

When people know the truth they are all going to be "Bloody hell that Holsten is a total professional"

Masses of respect for you bows down to your awesomeness

Thanks..thats kind of you. The wedding dress upstairs is haunting me..going to chuck it on ebay. Unless anyone wants it on mn for free!

Get it on ebay or flog on one of the wedding forums.

Then spend the cash on something you really want and enjoy yourself. Its not for everyone but i love getting my hair cut when I need to give myself a kick up the arse. Its usually dramatic too, but hey ho - ive been known to be a drama llama in the past

The best revenge is to live life well and look fucking great doing it

holsten, good on you. keep going. x

Thanks I did already dye my hair and get some lovely lashes! New dress to wear to work Thursday!

Wedding dress listed already. Dont like it anyway now!

go girl.

You really are one step ahead aren't you

Stupid twat won't be able to process the amount regret that comes his way!

Hope so.

Just got to tell my kids now. Have no clue. Dd is 6. Ds 19 at uni so not so bad although im sure he will be gutted.

It's going to be hard, there isn't any point saying its not going to be because I can't imagine how devastated DS would be if he didn't have DH.

But, and it's a massive but! The lesson teach your kids about self respect and not being 2nd best to a partner is so much more important than having to deliver news which will disappoint them. They will love you all the more for it. He failed to be a faithful honest person, you're just trying to to the best for yourself and your children.

You deserve . Lots of them.

He wont stop texting me today. He said I should tell everyone what hes done so he can win me back.
I said ok I have the messages I will do that , he went no! No! Not the actual messages.

I didnt sleep last night and im worn out. Must keep strong as I will see him in work tomorrow. First time since I broke down.

You need all your energy to get well and do your job- don't waste any of it engaging with his nonsense.

Remember that feeling of empowerment Holsten? Focus on that.

He isn't trying to win you back, he is trying to save face.

You don't need that grotty little wanker! Practice your very best look of contempt in the mirror for tomorrow.

And either stop replying to his texts or send him something like the following:

Despite your pathetic attempts to control and manipulate the situation that you created I have no desire to speak to anyone about you at all. I actually now cringe at the thought that colleagues believe us to be a couple and as you proved you are an inadequate, cheating,lying human being I would prefer it if people knew we are no longer assocaited with each other.Please feel free to spout more of your trademark bullshit at colleagues to soothe your bruised ego but any personal attacks will be reported to HR.

Now do fuck off.

Booster..im so grateful (and everyone else)
I will keep that paragraph in mind and if he starts anything I shall copy and paste.

He still texts to maintain there was nothing sexual in telling her he had a hard on
Id love to tell everyone that due to his diabetes he is virtually impotent...and I never tried to fish around with anyone else did I!
Hes text also with "I put up with your depression" err no. Actually you left me and my kids alone to deal with it because you said "you couldn't handle it" and you started this online sexting to get your kicks.