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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

engaged..but found my dp has been messaging a woman on fb for months

154 replies

holstenlips · 16/09/2013 14:37

Im so hurt but dont know if im overreacting. I had a hunch unexplainably about this woman. I made dp give me his phone after a row and he had text her the last time that morning to tell her he had a hard on. Im dying inside. He says he never meant any of it.
We were happy I thought
He started it with her. I got all the messages back 3 months. Most are pretty mundane but he has been sexual in some and they have both said they had naughty thoughts. He ends his texts " love you lots lovely "

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 19/09/2013 21:09

Hope dd feels better soon x

perfectstorm · 19/09/2013 21:46

Oh God, Holstein it just keeps getting worse. At least you found out before you married him.

I hope your DD feels better really soon.

Wellwobbly · 20/09/2013 06:55

By the way they said to me he has had £20k off them in the last 2 years :-( whilst also basically sponging off me and my low income. -

LUCKY ESCAPE.

You can always stay friends with them tho!

Original poster
holstenlips · 30/09/2013 13:27

Just wanted to add to my thread re ex fiance cheating via fb as I see there are other ops around the same sort of issue. When I confronted him re the messages he went home and then texted me to say that a regular update onhis smartphone had just 'wiped everything' pics messages etc . He said this and thought I would swallow it.
Born liar. Yes, im still bitter 2 weeks on.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 30/09/2013 13:31

I don't blame you, love. Born liar is right. You are best off out of it. Thank your lucky stars you are too clever for this fuckwit.

Original poster
holstenlips · 30/09/2013 13:38

Damn right im clever AF. This excuse for a partner told me SO many lies and treated me as if I was stupid. I keep finding more and more b/shit he has spun me.
He also told the OW lies, and he lies to his parents all the time re money etc. So good luck to any woman who ever has the misfortune of meeting him.
All this wrapped up in a cosy package of good loyal father and partner!!

OP posts:
Kerrie34 · 30/09/2013 13:43

my bf of two years is still in contact with an ex via fb they still message each other she lives in Australia. I often wonder what would happen if she back. i think he still loves her he was planning to visit her before we got together.we have a 9 wk baby he says he loves me but I think he just settled for me because she went awaySad

Original poster
holstenlips · 30/09/2013 14:26

Sorry Kerrie :-( dont know what to say except he has to be open about those messages with you.
I found out today that my ex has been telling people on fb that he did nothing wrong and that we broke up for no reason. Makes me so mad.

OP posts:
Kerrie34 · 30/09/2013 14:37

I hope u are putting everyone straight. don't let him make u out to b the one in the wrong. think I'll need to have a word with oh let him no I'm not happy with it x

Original poster
holstenlips · 30/09/2013 14:47

I am trying not to lower myself but its like another stab in the heart! Good luck. Listen to your gut instinct. Mine was telling me for ages that he was a wrongun!

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 30/09/2013 16:25

You sound much stronger now.
Usually with cheating liars, there's always loads more they have lied about.
So glad you followed your gut and get him out of your life.
I agree - don't lower yourself. The truth will out! Then you can laugh at him and not feel any guilt whatsoever!
Well done - keep angry and keep strong.
How is work? Did you go back?

Original poster
holstenlips · 30/09/2013 17:04

I go back to work tomorrow. Sadly we work in the same department. But I think he will look for another job once people at work who celebrated our engagement start asking questions

OP posts:
MotherOfDragon · 30/09/2013 18:35

This happened to me with my XH, almost word for word.

I married him, when I was pregnant he became more and more verbally abusive. My the time I was pregnant with my second It became physical.

The whole time I felt more and more depressed.

I left him over a year and a half ago and I can tell you now, I have not had any problems with depression since I left.

You need to get out NOW before you are in too deep. Don't make the same mistake.

AnandaTimeIn · 30/09/2013 21:26

iratecat Wed 18-Sep-13 22:00:52t texting someone you've got a hard on

Is not the kind of man you want when it's to someone else...

That is the bottom line that says it's over.

Original poster
holstenlips · 30/09/2013 21:43

I know... :-( how that was not sexual or a come on I will never know.
He text me to say he is ill tonight funnily enough. Looking for sympathy.

OP posts:
AnandaTimeIn · 30/09/2013 21:44

By the way they said to me he has had £20k off them in the last 2 years :-( whilst also basically sponging off me and my low income.

This man is so sick he even steals off his own parents....
As well as you.

Glad you have a good connection with them, cos this must be so hard on them too, you can join forces and expose him for who he is.

So glad you found this out in time....

AnandaTimeIn · 30/09/2013 21:46

Of course he's feeling ill.

His game is up and his house of cards is crashing down around him.

I would go no contact. With him. Not his parents.

AnyFucker · 30/09/2013 21:46

I take it you are not replying to the attention seeking twat ?

Original poster
holstenlips · 30/09/2013 21:50

I didn't reply no. But it made me so cross because hes all me.me.me poor me.
Hes ruined our future. I have a wedding dress and an engagement ring if anyone wants.
Tomorrow I go back to work after weeks off with depression. We work in the same office. Im thinking of telling my (supportive) team leader. Because seeing him is going to do my head in.

OP posts:
Original poster
holstenlips · 30/09/2013 21:54

My daughter keeps asking where he is. Shes already lost her Dad (he moved away) Such a horrible situation. And a massive shock still after 2 weeks because we were close to moving in together. I might rip his head off.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 30/09/2013 21:58

Yes, tell your team leader. Someone to watch your back will be good.

Original poster
holstenlips · 30/09/2013 22:02

I will. I will tell anyone who asks. His mum texts me every day to check on me. She wants me to take him back though as she says I am so good for him and his daughter. At my own cost! I replied to say he continued to lie even when I had the truth. Hes not a good partner. I think I deserve more.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 30/09/2013 22:07

Don't listen to his mum, you have it right. She will think you can change him, but you cannot. No-one can. I am Hmm at her, actually. Does she consider that you should sacrifice your mental health for this idiot ?

Boosterseat · 30/09/2013 22:09

You know you deserve more Holsten, you deserve the truth.

Original poster
holstenlips · 30/09/2013 22:11

Thanks. Yes dont worry. I value my health having had cancer 18 months ago as well. I must have walked under a few ladders.
By the way hes been married twice. Cant stay faithful and I know I cant change him.

OP posts:
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