engaged..but found my dp has been messaging a woman on fb for months

[holstenlips]

Im so hurt but dont know if im overreacting. I had a hunch unexplainably about this woman. I made dp give me his phone after a row and he had text her the last time that morning to tell her he had a hard on. Im dying inside. He says he never meant any of it.
We were happy I thought
He started it with her. I got all the messages back 3 months. Most are pretty mundane but he has been sexual in some and they have both said they had naughty thoughts. He ends his texts " love you lots lovely "

What was her response ?

She was lovely. She just text me to say dont forgive him too easily, if at all. She said she will always be there for me whatever . She thinks he is disgusting and tacky! Meanwhile hes done the: im dying im ill im devastated I cant cope texts all day interspersed with some angry bollocks re "if you hadnt been depressed" and " youre not perfect" etc. I havent replied.

Lovely response and reaction from his mum-quite refreshing really from the usual " but my son can do no wrong" senario.
I am not sure where you go from here but l also think you have had a lucky escape. Don't let him wear you down.

Good on his mother. Never forget though that blood is thicker than water. She will still throw you under a bus if it came to the wire. Your beef is with her dickhead of a son. He is quite pathetic (and most unfanciable right now)

I did a stupid stupid thing :'(
I feel so hurt its so painful. This afternoon (I am still off work recovering from depression, back to work next week) I felt suicidal. It was a fleeting thought really but scared me as I had these v badly about 9 weeks ago but have been put on medication which was helping.
I screamed. I cried. I collapsed today. Then I text him and asked for help. He said "well I dont have much choice im on my fucking way" so we had a row. I screamed at him and he screamed at me . It was hideous. He left but I feel worse now. Nightimes are awful. What can I do?
Tomorrow I have a meeting with hr at work.

Also..he still hadnt told me everything. I made him today by saying we would have a chance if he did. He told me some more stuff he had said to this woman. It hurts so much.
He denies any sexual contact.
I dont believe anything and I hate him just getting on with his life while I crumble.

By the way it was only a ruse on my part to get to the truth az I knew he was still lying despite repeated assurance from him over the last few days. He said he was low because of me but this started before I got ill. Although I suppose I am generally quite a depressed person.

I will bet a tenner that you'll be less depressed once you get rid of the faithless freeloader. Thank fuck you found out.

Thanks BOF
I just keep doubting myself. .is a fb message relationship just a mild indiscretion that everyone does?
It is the lies I suppose that kill me. And the sexual yuk factor.

Of course it isn't. It's cheating. Decent people wouldn't dream of it.

He will do this again, get rid.

texting someone you've got a hard on, and saying love you lovely is no minor indiscretion op.

you're going to move through all the phases of this shit, anger, hurt, pain, denial.

till you come out the other end back to anger.

Please don't look to him for comfort again. He is not your friend.

Ring The Samaritans and talk to someone who hasn't kicked you in the fucking teeth next time you feel so bad.

Thanks I am trying to cope with it I think I need to tell a friend in rl . I have to get it out of my head. I just keep seeing this womans face and thinking of his messages ..about her looking hot etc and then Saturday I thought we were so happy :'(
Hes minimising it so much
He was cruel to me today
Hes a tosspot and a liar

As AF said, don't rely on this man for comfort!

Get support from your RL friends, and people on here. We are all here to help offer you support and guidance whenever you need it sweetie, you are NOT alone at all so please don't think that for a second.

You deserve so much better.

Thank you :-(
I really think hes not told me all of it
We got engaged in March. Hes messaging her at least from June.
I want to tell everyone what he did.

Then why don't you ? You have no obligation to keep his sordid little secrets ?

don't protect him. its not revenge or something if you tell someone irl.

I would tell people. You work in the same office. What sort of stuff will he be spreading if you keep this a secret? Making this all about your mh issues?
Don't ask him for help again, ever. He's not good for you, he's using you and your fragile state of mind. Get rid. And tell people why.

And I don't believe for a second is was "only" messaging. Tip of the iceberg.

I just can't think what the hell was going through his head when he texted her about his hard on. There is just no good way to see that. You need to get as far away from this prick as possible. And regarding what he did on Facebook makes me sick and angry. Attention seeking bullshit of the highest order.
I can't stand it when people pull shit like that on places like Facebook.
I wonder what his replies would have been if he'd been a bit more specific. Like... "I'm sorry for all the times I went behind my fiancee's back by sexting another woman." But no, manipulates his fuck up to get sympathy. It's the worst kind.. run away, otherwise you'll spend the rest of your life wondering what he's up to.
Better to be happy by yourself than miserable with this twat.

I know how hard it is, but what you need now is more courage than you've ever had in your life. Courage to stand up for yourself, courage to truly believe that you deserve better, courage that you have the ability to take care of yourself and kids, and courage not to succumb to all the begging and crying he's going to put on you because sometimes it seems so much easier to believe that he really will change, when you know deep down that you can never trust him again.

Focus on all the happy times waiting for you when you're not spending all your time stewing over him. HUGS

Thank you so so much. Ive had the week from hell..my daughter was struggling to breathe this morning so I took her to the gp who called an ambulance. We just got home. Shes very poorly with a chest infection and to tonsillitis. I cant think of a worse week.
As for my ex fiance. I am going to start telling people as hes been all over fb today bigging himself up as per usual. His parents have just called me. They are wasted on him. They are so lovely. By the way they said to me he has had £20k off them in the last 2 years :-( whilst also basically sponging off me and my low income.
Anyway back to nurse mummy duties x

Hope your DD is feeling better very soon

Still here, HL. Take care of you and your dd. Fuck him.

Cheers. And AF I love you