Considering calling police, will I be wasting their time?

[Wereonourway]

I posted a cpl of weeks ago re my ex and nasty text messages, not really threatening just very verbally abusive.

I took advice and made new solicitors appointment rather than approach te police with a view to getting some sort of non molestation order against him.

My solicitor wasnt present when I went to appointment and has since failed to contact me to rearange(whole other thread, I hope to be able to get a new solicitor using existing legal aid claim, I've no idea if this is possible.

So last night ex texted me saying he "knew" I was seeing someone and basically asking where I was, where ds was etc.

I vocally respond saying none of your business, leave me alone. For the record I'm neither seeing someone and was at home in bed. As was ds

The texts started agin this afternoon basically saying I'm seeing someone who has a gf and kids, he hasn't named anyone but he has accused me of this before and I've not seen the person in question for years and not communicated with him in any way for over a year.

As it happens I wouldn't be interested in this person even if single.

So ex is obviously wound up, albeit unjustifiably.

Tonight he has driven past my house and texted to again ask where ds was as house was in darkness, ds was in bed and I was in back bedroom ironing.

Again I respond that he needs to leave me alone but do tell him that ds is at home in bed. He respond with "if you don't stop lying ill come round there and find out for myself".

This is the first time I've felt threatened and I do want to call the police I'm just scared that they will see this as a silly domestic which will waste their time.

In truth I genuinely believe ex has issues with some sort of personality disorder, he certainly has narc traits and I'm worried what will come next.

He has no reason at all to drive past my house(tucked away well back from main road, he has no friends nearby) and obviously he has no right to behave this way but is it criminal?

I've got to hand ds over at ten am tomorrow for contact and just know his behaviour will be icy and disrespectful at best so my mum is going to be around.

This is shit, I'm nothing but polite and calm towards him and I've dealt with this for over a year. Is rig police immediately if I knew they would understand. Just feel shit taking them away from crime and important duties

[NotDead]

btw best not to engage AT ALL
send one text saying 'you are not to contact me or attempr to speak to me' then do not engage with anything else.

He is in a state of mind where anything you say will b e misinterpreted or giving 'evidence' about you 'cheating' etc

this is stalking and needs you to not engage or respond at all

[DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved]

Good luck, I hope Ds gets back to you on time and without too much stress

[cleopatrasasp]

OP you sound lovely and your posts have really moved me somehow. My DH repairs computers for a living and I will ask him if he can advise you how to get the pictures off your hard drive.

[Wereonourway]

Pick up was a nightmare. He initially refused to hand ds over but when he did he was going in saying I was taking the piss out of him re laptop. I asked for ds stuff and he refused so I walked away.

Ds was in pyjamas and no socks and I've had to leave his bag/nursery shoes and coat.

I've got to take ds to nursery and go to work but honestly dont think I can face work.
I want to go to women's aid and see how quickly they can help me re court. I can't just turn up can I?

He's since text to say I caused argument in front of ds, that I take the piss and make the rules up etc.

I've had enough, I'm worn out and feel ill. My poor ds

[tobethatis]

dont give up on this OP go all the way now you have started the ball rolling ... you will only en d up revisiting this later best of luck you sound like a fantastic mum

[Visitingtethersend]

Hi delurking to say you are doing fine. I have no idea about nursery set up but could you give them an idea of situation and give them instruction that only you can pick ds up? Just so he doesn't get any ideas about holding him from you. Would it be the end of the world to have a sick day as you do genuinely feel unwell or even get gp on side with a note and sort out women's aid and solicitors etc in that time?

My dads also good with computers if you want me to ask him about hardrive.

[YoniBottsBumgina]

I hope you have called in sick to work.

You cant turn up at women's aid because they don't usually have public offices, but you can phone at any time. If they did have an office then definitely! Turn up! But for obvious reasons, they don't usually publicise the address.

I know the residency order sounds hardgoing but it will prevent him from being able to hold on to DS until you do or hand over some arbitrary thing - that's the main thing this is for. It's not about assessing who is more suitable for a child to live with, it's an emergency order to prevent abduction by the child's other parent, basically.

[hellsbellsmelons]

It all sounds absolutely exhausting.
Well done though. You are starting the process of stopping this madness that is causing you so much grief.
I really hope the police warning will give the kick he needs but from the sounds of it I'm not so sure.
Definitely go ahead with everything you have planned.
Call WA now and see what they can do.
Keep strong for your son.
Keep us posted on how it all goes.

[Wereonourway]

Thanks for support.

My local refuge has been taken over by women's aid, I had a brief spell of help from them last year.

I turned up at 9am in a state. A resident have me a cup of tea and a worker has taken some info. Their solicitor only usually comes on Mondays but they are as we speak trying to sort an emergency appointment with her for me with a view to sorting emergency order by thursday.

I've rang work. Boss is aware of issues and she was lovely, but still feel their patience will run out. Very harsh sickness policy but boss has been amazingly supportive so far and have me some unpaid leave over the summer. I doubt I'll be there all week as will hopefully be in court at some point.

Right now I'm forcing a pork dip down my neck and having a cup of tea. Thinking of ringing health visitor this afternoon. I know she will be supportive but doubt there's anything she can do

[Wereonourway]

Update- solicitor is travelling to see me tomorrow. I've had more action in a morning via women's aid than my solicitor has managed in a year. I'm amazed and so grateful. Can't go it alone anymore

[PeterParkerSays]

Big hugs for you Wereonourway

I've just come across your thread - please go back and read your posts on the first page of this thread, and see how far you've come in 3 days. Think what an example of a capable, organised and strong mother you are giving to your little boy.

[MrsMcEnroe]

De-lurking to say: wow OP, your last update has me in tears! I am so so pleased that you are getting help and support in dealing with your horrible twat of an ex, and yay to Women's Aid for being so amazing!

Hang in there, you have support now, make sure you make use of it xx

[YoniBottsBumgina]

Ah brilliant, I didn't realise you had been supported by the refuge before.

I would speak to HV. Just get all the back up in place that you can. If she works out of a children's centre there may be something in place there.

[Wereonourway]

Thank you all for your replies.

Ex has texted his usual things, I suspect to make himself feel better and move heat onto me.

"Things can't go on like this, something has to give"
"It's not fair on ds"
"Do you want to meet up and talk once and for all"

I've ignored completely. Dreading fall out from police but hope I'm believed and protected now.

So thankful to women's aid. I literally walked in off the street sobbing and they couldn't have been more supportive.

And the lovely lady who herself had fled to te refuge took the time to make me a cup of tea and have me a hug despite of her own problems. She waited with me until a Staff member could talk to me too. What a lovely lovely lady

[mignonette]

You need to engage w/ as many agencies as you can, keep really good records and make sure the police take this very very seriously.

You know of course, that any response from you personally to this man will escalate his approaches to you because it positively reinforces his stalking behaviour. And it is stalking. Keep records of everything this man does.

I wish you luck. And remember if in doubt, call the police. Always.

[Hissy]

Can I suggest you get a cheap PAYG phone and switch that one off for now? You need to stay focussed.

You are being brilliant! We're all cheering you on! Xx

[Hissy]

Don't hand over the laptop, get your 400 quid first.

Don't hand over DS either, as he's pretty much made threats against you. Your son is not safe with a man like this.

Suspend ALL contact, and insist on legal contact only, and only via a Contact Centre once you're safely away from him.

You need to vanish from his life, and only be contactable on YOUR terms.

Phone/text on specific days/times, off otherwise.

It'll drive him batshit, but he's not in charge here!

[betterthanever]

Good advice from hissy on getting another phone and batshit made me I have never heard that before.

Keep all texts he has sent so far and keep ignoring - I think he is a bit panicked about how you have been brilliantly responding to his actions. Keep to the plan, you are doing so well.

A residence order is not as big a thing as you think and a judge will not side with him. Any order has only to be made if it is will benefit the child - it will benefit your DS to have a stable environment and a good, consistent pattern of contact he understands which is what you are offering - threatening to withhold a child from a parent in the way your ex has done is not in the child's best interest. NO judge in the land will think that, that is ok. You having a laptop he thinks he should have or a million pound watch for that matter, has nothing to do with the welfare of your DS and he can't barter a child for a laptop or anything.

Make sure you keep notes on how your DS was in PJ's and no socks (ok before I get flamed as a one off in isolation no big deal but this is part of an overall picture/pattern of neglect) - I doubt he had been fed either - this is not good for your DS, he must feel very vulnerable but you are doing everything you can, DS has a wonderful mummy and as long as he has you he will be fine. Refusal to give you things that DS needs - and you bought I presume? is not right. I know you don't want DS to suffer any more but he should be providing things that DS needs whilst in his care.

All this put to a judge would be a no brainer - it is all child centred concern.

[Orianne]

I'm wondering if there's something else on the laptop he doesn't want you to see?

[TimidLivid]

I'm glad you are doing this I hope it all works out for you and u end up getting some peace from him

[Wereonourway]

Hi again.

I very much doubt there's anything else on laptop. We used it together whilst we were together. It is or was purely spite from him.

I did buy ds's stuff, only recently too, ready for colder weather. I'll do without them cos I have spares. I've leaned if I kick up a fuss or request anything he directly goes against it so ill keep quiet and they will come back.

Feel exhausted today, I'll be in bed at same time as ds tonight I think.

Police will be ringing me after their visit, jut hope he is at home so its not prolonged. Am fairly sure he has an inkling what's up as he as obvious texted me today to make himself appear calm and reasonable.

Been to see bf and her gorgeous baby today and having chicken dinner at my aunties as we speak.

It's really helping to talk t out too, so thank you. It's good to know you all feel I'm doing the right thing, even if it is scary!

[Wereonourway]

Hi again.

I very much doubt there's anything else on laptop. We used it together whilst we were together. It is or was purely spite from him.

I did buy ds's stuff, only recently too, ready for colder weather. I'll do without them cos I have spares. I've leaned if I kick up a fuss or request anything he directly goes against it so ill keep quiet and they will come back.

Feel exhausted today, I'll be in bed at same time as ds tonight I think.

Police will be ringing me after their visit, jut hope he is at home so its not prolonged. Am fairly sure he has an inkling what's up as he as obvious texted me today to make himself appear calm and reasonable.

Been to see bf and her gorgeous baby today and having chicken dinner at my aunties as we speak.

It's really helping to talk t out too, so thank you. It's good to know you all feel I'm doing the right thing, even if it is scary!

[betterthanever]

You do the right thing to take the rest when you can. Look after yourself - chicken dinner sounds good keep talking it out.

[WayHarshTai]

You're doing brilliantly. Just posting to add my support.

[Wereonourway]

Thank you. I've not heard from police so not sure that they've been but ex is trying to ring me. I'm ignoring but heart is pounding.

There's just no need for any of this. None at all