I posted a cpl of weeks ago re my ex and nasty text messages, not really threatening just very verbally abusive.
I took advice and made new solicitors appointment rather than approach te police with a view to getting some sort of non molestation order against him.
My solicitor wasnt present when I went to appointment and has since failed to contact me to rearange(whole other thread, I hope to be able to get a new solicitor using existing legal aid claim, I've no idea if this is possible.
So last night ex texted me saying he "knew" I was seeing someone and basically asking where I was, where ds was etc.
I vocally respond saying none of your business, leave me alone. For the record I'm neither seeing someone and was at home in bed. As was ds
The texts started agin this afternoon basically saying I'm seeing someone who has a gf and kids, he hasn't named anyone but he has accused me of this before and I've not seen the person in question for years and not communicated with him in any way for over a year.
As it happens I wouldn't be interested in this person even if single.
So ex is obviously wound up, albeit unjustifiably.
Tonight he has driven past my house and texted to again ask where ds was as house was in darkness, ds was in bed and I was in back bedroom ironing.
Again I respond that he needs to leave me alone but do tell him that ds is at home in bed. He respond with "if you don't stop lying ill come round there and find out for myself".
This is the first time I've felt threatened and I do want to call the police I'm just scared that they will see this as a silly domestic which will waste their time.
In truth I genuinely believe ex has issues with some sort of personality disorder, he certainly has narc traits and I'm worried what will come next.
He has no reason at all to drive past my house(tucked away well back from main road, he has no friends nearby) and obviously he has no right to behave this way but is it criminal?
I've got to hand ds over at ten am tomorrow for contact and just know his behaviour will be icy and disrespectful at best so my mum is going to be around.
This is shit, I'm nothing but polite and calm towards him and I've dealt with this for over a year. Is rig police immediately if I knew they would understand. Just feel shit taking them away from crime and important duties
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Considering calling police, will I be wasting their time?
Wereonourway · 14/09/2013 21:28
My ex did less and the police spoke to him, luckily that was enough to put him off. My only regret was not having phoned the police sooner (years before) - he had a habit and still does or doing things that are right to the wire so I do think.. is it bad enough to report, it is a common tactic used by an abusive man - they don't want to get in trouble but they want to cause you pain.
The bringing in of third parties to negate in some way thier part in this is - another tactic. Like he is doing you/them the favour. So what if you were it is non of his business and as someone else said; and so what if you had a babysitter and were out shagging. he needs to understand soon that he is not in control of you and it may take the police to tell him that.
The advice not to respond to another single message is the right advice - bullying someone is not as much fun of you don't get the reaction you want. But saying that the abuser may then excalate things, my ex did. Please ring the police asap - I know DS is up, hope he can settle soon and yes I would speak to your GP too about help for DS - I know he has a great mum in you but it would help you both I think. I feel for you both 
That's great OP - you have done the right thing - I know just how you feel tonight - I would pick DS up out of his bed and put him in with me as I thought he would be safer in case something happened - it never did happen but I don't want to speak too soon - it still crosses my mind - no one else I know makes me feel like that.
Don't minimise anything to the police - your ex has tried to down play things to you and it took me a long time not to down play it to others.
When I rang the police they got a DV team member to ring me and they asked if they could inform SS which they did and I got a really nice reply from SS, very supportive.
I know there is a still a long way to go for agencies to be joined up but I found that they were pretty good in my case. If the police give you the option of them getting the DV team to ring you, take it and if they ask can they inform SS say yes - it will be to your DS and your benefit.
People like your ex need all the shutters pulling down - I know you still have handover issues but if he carries on with the abuse that will have to reduce as your DS would be exposed to it and it would not be in thier best interest and emotionally damaging as you know. One step at a time though -I know you are frightened tonight but you have done the right thing. I wish I could come round and stop over with you.
Thank you all again.
Ds is in with me hogging the bed 
I was actually in touch with a support worker from local women's aid when we first split around a year ago.
She was lovely, and very pro active but honestly, she and her colleagues were so stretched I kind of made way for more urgent cases, which I entirely understand. I may call again this week, as a poster said, to get another agency involved.
I have had counselling arranged through an employee support service at work which has helped me.
My solicitors worry me as I've said and this needs sorting. I do feel like giving up with them and finding someone else more reliable but this hinges on my legal aid being transferable since the changes in April.
Social services does worry me, which is ridiculous as I am a good mum, ds has a stable, loving home and and is thriving. You hear such horror stories but if they do get involved due to police involvement then its a necessary byproduct .
Over the past year I've reached varying degrees of strength but looking back none of it has been enough. I let things lie wen he is being nice for an easy life.
It stops now, I'm actually relived to have made the call and then spoken to someone. My mum wanted me to go to hers but as it was late I didn't want to take ds out in the cold and as she is babysitting my niece she couldn't come to us.
OP I felt like that about social services - not that I had ANY reason to from my parenting point of view but I think it was because you usually only hear about them involving themselves as a child is at risk - they can also get help the other way round - they were great, they will not judge you, they will tell you, you have done the right thing. It made me feel better when they put that in writting to me.
Glad you have your mum for support and she knows what is going on - she is only a phone call away- keep the phone near the bed for comfort. I think I slept with mine and still do sometimes under my chin
I think you are right, you have tried to keep things as peaceful as possible but it hasn't work, that isn't your fault - no one likes authorities involved in thier lives - but sometimes we need thier help as only they can really stop what someone is doing.
You're welcome!
I would speak to HV yes, but be a bit prepared for her to totally misunderstand and say "Oh but it's nice for him to see his dad" - mine was great and very supportive but seemed to purposefully misunderstand when it came to contact concerns. I don't know why 
perhaps she wanted to be neutral, perhaps she thought I was a bit deranged, perhaps she just really, really didn't understand the mechanics of EA, but she actively encouraged me to drop my concerns about him which later turned out to be valid.
Basically yes get everyone on board. But if they are not supporting you then feel free to ignore them on this issue in particular.
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