Please help me get through today.

[FuntimeFuschia]

I found out at about half four this morning that my H has been cheating with a woman he works with. Been suspicious for a few weeks, so checked his phone and there a delightful pic of her in a very gymnastic pose. He owned up pretty swiftly, probably because it was early hours and he'd woken up and realised both me and the phone were missing. Swears blind no sex, yeah yeah bullshit bullshit.
This has happened before, I found out just after ds was born and I chose to stay and work on it. I feel so fucking stupid.
We have to go to a wedding today. There is no way out of it. DC's have a lovely day out and sleepover with my mil and I don't want them to miss out. I don't know how to hold it together watching two very close mutual friends get married, in a church full of mutual friends. He has taken the dc out fora walk this morning to give me some space, but I can just see the day lasting forever. I have had two hours sleep, keep bursting into tears and just don't know what to do.
He's moving out tomorrow, our marriage is over, I am completely overwhelmed by the fallout to come. I feel lost.

[Ezio]

WTF, He is in seriously mid life crisis territory, he'll start wearing colour chinos next, this man is in for a serious fall.

[therewearethen]

De lurking to say you've handled this amazingly! I snorted at the new hair style I wonder if the new sports car will come next!?

I agree with everyone else, do not cover for him, even to his parents, if they ask tell them exactly what he's done!

Take care FF x

[TalkativeJim]

Mohican?

Looks like he's going to make it easy for you to tell him to do one after all.

Look, tell his parents everything. Really. If he's spinning them stories and painting you in a bad light - do you know who's really going to suffer? The DC. Don't allow a situation to develop where part of their family dynamic is not only that daddy and mummy aren't together, but that granny and grandad don't like mummy very much. They're going to support him no matter what - he's their son. So when they're with their dad their grandparents will be involved. It will be endlessly easier on the DC long-term if granny and grandad still visit their home, with mummy just like they always did, and if they see you and his parents in contact and friendly.

You are doing brilliantly, right now is the lowest hardest time, because it's all new and stressful. And the way he's acting has its upside: you are no doubt better off without this prick, and him showing clearly the extent to which he is a worthless partner and worthless member of your nuclear family will be very helpful in the future when he very probably comes crawling back. All you'll have to do is read this thread, and you'll be able to laugh in his face when he suggests that you might want to lumber yourself with his thirteen or so stone of slimebag again!

[Snapespeare]

delurking to [snort] at his haircut. mid-life-crisis-wanker.

my XP left me and three DCs aged under 5 to be with OW - he lied to his parents, saying that I had had a ONS ( I did, about 6 weeks after I found out he's been shagging around on me and left) it eventually came out, because his story didn't match with what I had casually dropped into a conversation one day. they apologised and have been incredibly supportive over the last 13 years. I don't have parents and I regard them as my mum and dad.

You're being incredibly strong OP - i know it's really difficult right now to organise everything and make those changes and keep on track for DCs - when you feel like having a massive dob or staying in bed forever - but you are doing a brilliant job. he's a fucking twat.

[FuntimeFuschia]

Honestly, it's so predictable! He is such a cliché. Of course, he has a 23 year old gf to keep up with now. I'm not covering for him, if his mum gets arsy I'll simply fill her in and if his dad calls again I'll tell him too. I did a couple of his mates at the wedding who were horrified, and when I mentioned it to him he got all confused and hurt little boy as to why he might have lost some friends. He just doesn't get it!
31 seems early for a mid life crisis doesn't it?! He really is making this easier for me. I wouldn't want this man back, and the man I knew and loved and married is fading swiftly into the past.
So the last of his stuff is almost bagged up and ready to go. How long should I give him before I take it to the tip?

[LondonNinja]

A mohican? Sad twat. That is all.

PS: stuff all his crap into black bags and leave them in the garden at a specific time so he can get them and take them away.

[FuntimeFuschia]

I did tell a couple of his mates, please excuse typo!

[FuntimeFuschia]

Its all in bin liners. Cheap ones. They have ripped already :)

[LondonNinja]

Cross-post.

Give him till 2pm tomorrow or it goes. That will give him enough time to sort his hair out and plait his pubes.

[FuntimeFuschia]

Haha, it's insane but hilarious. What. A. Wanker.

[Snapespeare]

good. tell anyone who asks, even if they just ask how he is. you do not have to protect his reputation. he has to face up to the results of his actions.

[Finola1step]

As for the bags, he can take them when he drops off the dc. If he doesn't take his stuff, bin it.

But a Mohican! At 31! FFS.

What next? Skinny jeans half way down his backside and a skateboard covered in graffiti? The prick.

[cls77]

Second merlincats awe you are incredible Op. I went through similar last August, compulsive liar, borderline bisexual, downright lazy twunt. But the thing that hurt the most was how he dealt/deals with our DD. He is an unbearable argumentative disgrace of a "man" and has behaved appallingly over the past 12 months. He also turned into a teenager and introduced our DD to his new GF way too early, despite me asking him to communicate with me when he felt it was time to. I wish I was as strong as you, even now! Keep up the excellent work, you will get darker days, thats accepted, but on the whole you will feel so much better for it

[FuntimeFuschia]

Hello all, apologies for not updating for a while however not much new has happened since Haircut Day, and I've hit the utterly weary stage so at least I'm sleeping ok. I am still incredibly angry but to be honest my main feeling towards him at the moment are contempt and superiority, as mean as that sounds. I feel ashamed and embarrassed for him at the way he has behaved and continues to behave. I find the whole texts/dirty pics/affair so grubby and seedy it makes me feel sick.
I'm back in work tomorrow and hoping to last the day. I'm finding that when I've not got the dc with me is when I become a sobbing snotty mess, so god knows what state I'll be in tomorrow.
And this may be tmi sorry but I am really wanting sex! Not with him, obviously. I wonder if my body is trying to remind me that I Will Never Have Sex Again :(

[pausingforbreath]

Hi fushia ,
Also de lurking to wish you well and strength.

The not having sex but again , I can relate to that. I was so angry when Dh announced his affair, it felt like he not I had decided my sex life .

So, I ordered a vibrator on line and had it delivered to his work ( I always do as it has 24 desk , so no missed deliveries).
It helped me mentally to know his OW ( his PA) would also know I had a delivery too .

He rang me from work to tell me I had a parcel , he asked what it was - I told him ; his response was golden for me .

When he gave me it , he was SO awkward. I on the other hand was buoyant ....

Good luck .

[Jux]

After the mohican, I would be expecting piercings......

[FuntimeFuschia]

I'm expecting a massive tattoo of ow at some point. I'm also half convinced she'll be pregnant by the end of the year if they are still together. He's due any min to collect dc and I feel sick. Oh well, Downton Abbey to look forward to later!

[Thisisaeuphemism]

Hope the handover went well fuschia. I imagine he was wearing new and 'fashionable' clothes!

[FuntimeFuschia]

Handover was fine, he came straight from work so no comedy clothes to cheer me up.
I have crashed, I think. The house is empty and I have nothing to do. I've come down to the beach and its beautiful but is making me very sad. What if he just didn't want me? He's had his fun. He seems content enough when he collects the dc. Maybe she was just a bit of a symptom and he hasn't actually loved me for ages and is happy to have been found out and be free. He didn't fight very hard for me. My pain is not important to him. I don't want him back. I want recognition from him of what he has done and the mess he has left. I want to stay angry because it's easier to work with, I don't want this torturing feeling of just not being good enough for him, when he has shown himself to be such a nasty sod. What does that say about me?

[Thisisaeuphemism]

You've had a massive shock - it's not been ten days yet since it all imploded- I'm not surprised your feelings are all over the place. You've been v strong.
A bit of recognition or remorse from him would be satisfying but I wouldn't count on him showing you that now. He is still in fantasy land, nothing you say or do can prick that bubble but it will be pricked one day.
You'll go on to better things, he'll always be a twat- with or without Mohican.

[myroomisatip]

I have been following your thread, and although I have not been though your experience, I think you are coping extremely well.

Honestly it really isn't about you 'not being good enough'! It is about his choices! His decisions! You had no say in this :(

I have been on MN long enough to know that there is a light at the end of your tunnel.... blimey my tunnel went on for over ten years at least, with so many twists and turns, when the light appeared I was momentarily blinded :) Just take all the help you need/can get. It will get better.

[skyeskyeskye]

What you are feeling is natural, a sense of rejection, why wasnt I good enough, why did it go wrong, why doesn't he love me... Wanting to make sense if it all, wanting answers, wanting the bastard to just see what he has done to you and the DC..... Everybody in your situation has been there, including me....

Truth is, you are everything that he isn't. Sensitive, honest, decent, caring.

Hold into that and remind yourself that if you met him now, would you want to know a man like that, who can treat a woman like that? The man you thought he was has gone.

[FuntimeFuschia]

Hi again. So I managed the morning at work. Back home now and trying to pull myself together before I collect the dc from his after tea. I have missed them enormously. I think I will try and get a gp appt this week as the depths of misery I sank to last night actually scared me :( I can't risk getting into that state again. I ended up going to see my dad last night which was nice. He did the same to my mum many years ago so he doesn't really know what to say to me but he bought me a glass of wine and let me rant/cry which is what I needed.
Work have been lovely but don't they don't think I should be in. I am so very low at the moment that putting one foot in front of the other is a struggle. I need him to do something twattish again so the rage comes back!

[southfieldsmum]

FF you are epic - what an utterly shitty shit thing to happen. GP could also refer you to a counsellor - would be so useful to explore those normal feelings attached to this kind of rejection. BUt you might need help to get things straight in your head. This is not about your shortcomings but all about this. It really messes with your head and makes you feel unbelievably shitty. Is so unfair that you have to be 'strong' but you do. Womens lot.
Much xxxx