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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Please help me get through today.

142 replies

FuntimeFuschia · 14/09/2013 10:17

I found out at about half four this morning that my H has been cheating with a woman he works with. Been suspicious for a few weeks, so checked his phone and there a delightful pic of her in a very gymnastic pose. He owned up pretty swiftly, probably because it was early hours and he'd woken up and realised both me and the phone were missing. Swears blind no sex, yeah yeah bullshit bullshit.
This has happened before, I found out just after ds was born and I chose to stay and work on it. I feel so fucking stupid.
We have to go to a wedding today. There is no way out of it. DC's have a lovely day out and sleepover with my mil and I don't want them to miss out. I don't know how to hold it together watching two very close mutual friends get married, in a church full of mutual friends. He has taken the dc out fora walk this morning to give me some space, but I can just see the day lasting forever. I have had two hours sleep, keep bursting into tears and just don't know what to do.
He's moving out tomorrow, our marriage is over, I am completely overwhelmed by the fallout to come. I feel lost.

OP posts:

Report

MissStrawberry · 14/09/2013 13:14

He still is texting her. Bollocks she is very sorry and what the fuck is he doing telling you their convos? ignore him for now.

Sort out money. Sort out looking amazing at the wedding. Stay calm and sober and remember you haven't done anything wrong. You are very strong.

keepyourroomtidy · 14/09/2013 13:24

You will get through these dark hours and days although I know only too well how impossible it seems right now. Take care of yourself and be selfish if you need to. Sending you support and lots of sympathy. ??

clam · 14/09/2013 13:38

Console yourself with the idea of saving that tasteful pic and forwarding it on to all your mutual friends at some future date, just as he's parading her about as his new girlfriend.

Hissy · 14/09/2013 14:17

How are you doing this afternoon FF?

Don't worry about what anyone thinks of you. I promise that they won't think that you did anything, they will be sympathetic toward you.

Anyone who isn't, is a wanker of the highest order and needs booting the hell out of your life, got that?! :)

It'll be OK, you will be OK. You will get through this.

FuntimeFuschia · 14/09/2013 14:33

Hello, have got my mum round and she is being fab :) am about to have a much needed bath. The financial advice is just what I need, thank you. Will be trying to get off work on Monday at the very least. I have lots to do

OP posts:

Lizzabadger · 14/09/2013 14:42

Good.

Don't take him back this time (however much he pleads and grovels).

Look after yourself.

rainbowfeet · 14/09/2013 14:45

No advice I'm afraid but so touched by your posts... Just wanted to send you love & strength really xx

oldgrandmama · 14/09/2013 14:51

Been there, FF. You're getting great advice here. Especially about keeping busy with finding out financial stuff, appointment with solicitor, etc. etc. If you have gone to the wedding, I hope it wasn't too bad. All your friends and family will sympathise and tell you you've done the right thing. As for 'spread legs in a toilet cubicle', my oh my, she sounds one real classy lady! Definitely keep the photo for some sweet revenge later on ...

GeordieCherry · 14/09/2013 14:55

Mums are ace!
Buy yourself some flowers , eat nice food & make a plan later

TalkativeJim · 14/09/2013 14:59

She sounds lovely... second what has already been said about being careful about him crawling back sobbing about his 'mistake' and how Miss Cubicles Akimbo meant nothing...

And, people won't wonder what 'you did wrong'. Would you, if you heard this story? Wouldn't you just think 'Urgh, can't believe he turned out to be such a creep. Poor FF'?

Meanwhile, steal a march while he's wired at today's events and has his eye off the ball. Copies of all financial stuff, can you get into his accounts etc.? Move funds out of joint account. Others will have good advice here! Give him the shock of his life while he's expecting you to still be in shock and crying.

Most of all, CONGRATULATIONS. You've got rid of a real pig, and I would bet a substantial sum that you're going to be the one smiling into the future here. While he's just about to find out how unpleasant it is starting a new relationship where the only solid thing the two protagonists know about one another is that they're both filthy cheats at heart. Mmmm, what a love story!!!!

LondonNinja · 14/09/2013 15:00

Glad to hear your mum is there and that he has gone.
Sounds like you have a great family there - one McDad will miss once gymnastic slapper has dumped his sorry arse.

Thumbwitch · 14/09/2013 15:05

God what absymal timing, not that it's ever good but still. :(

In your place, I wouldn't go to the wedding. I had troubles going to weddings in the year following my split with ex-fiancé - I couldn't have done it on the actual day after!!

Icklemariposa01 · 14/09/2013 16:41

You are being very strong. Good for you and step by step even though this is all overwhelming.

You must be running on empty!!

Or!! Running on the anger of having to go all through this

Xx

PrincessKitKat · 14/09/2013 23:04

I hope you got through today ok OP. Keep us updated on how you're doing.

FuntimeFuschia · 14/09/2013 23:51

Today was ok. Very tired. Will update tomorrow. He ia still a cunt.

OP posts:

Vivacia · 15/09/2013 06:58

Good to hear from you. Did you go in the end? Did he?

Hope you do update, was thinking about you.

LondonNinja · 15/09/2013 08:14

Hope you're bearing up. Sending you a and un-MN hug.

lunar1 · 15/09/2013 08:25

Hope you got some sleep last night.

FuntimeFuschia · 15/09/2013 09:13

Hello, yes I went to the wedding, got through with my lovely friend holding my hand, literally! Just about coped with the reception until speeches but crying then is acceptable I think! He didn't show but he's clearly been in the house. I absolutely lost it when I got home and properly broke down and text him to say this isn't his home anymore and he has to ask me before he comes. I'm off to collect the kids from mil soon, she's been in touch about them not him which makes me wonder where he is...

OP posts:

Vivacia · 15/09/2013 09:36

What do you think your mother-in-law knows, and what do you plan on telling her, if anything?

KateCroydon · 15/09/2013 09:48

entitledto.co.uk will tell you what you can claim in tax credits etc.
Seeing a lawyer stat may be wise. Do you have any divorced friends/colleagues who could advise?
Final recommendation: read Nora Ephron's 'Heartburn'. It's the roughly autobiographical story of how Carl Bernstein (watergate guy) left her when she was seven months pregnant for another woman. It's very very funny (she also wrote when Harry met Sally) and a guide to getting through this shit with your head held high.

FuntimeFuschia · 15/09/2013 10:15

Mil apparently knows about ow, not about previous though. DC home now, they seem ok at the mo. He was there but I didn't speak to him. I think he's detached himself now he went from wanting to make things work to not loving me and wanting her within a matter of hours, so I'm not featuring very highly in his thoughts now. I can handle this but I hope it doesn't filter down to the children.
Today we are going to lounge around until my sister arrives. Tomorrow is the day of action. I am running on caffeine nicotine and adrenalin now and I know a crash is inevitable but hopefully will have got some stuff sorted before then. I need to detach a bit myself and I do feel a little like I am playing a part in a film, but todayI feel more sad than angry which is not good.

OP posts:

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FuntimeFuschia · 15/09/2013 13:32

And back to angry. He's with her today. Didn't waste much time eh.

OP posts:

Wellwobbly · 15/09/2013 13:37

What a twat. You will find you are well rid, FF.

fool you once and all of that. Is this the same OW as the first one or is she another unsuspecting idiot ?

Thumbwitch · 15/09/2013 13:38

No, he wouldn't. Once they check out of the marriage/relationship, they move on remarkably quickly with nary a backwards glance in many cases.

You will now be portrayed as some unreasonable harridan, he will be the poor, misunderstood browbeaten one. He will rewrite history ASAP - if you were to meet him in the pub in a week's time (disguised) and he told you his story, you wouldn't recognise it as being the one you're living through.

Am very sorry that you're going through this - but in a while you'll hopefully realise you're better off without him in many ways. Not all, but many.

(((hugs))) and strength to you. xx

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