Would you tell the OW's husband?

[PTFsWife]

So I have now had the opportunity to read the over 800 emails that were sent between my husband and the OW during the course of their 5 month affair. (vile reading)

I am in no way excusing my husband in what happened (that is a whole different story) but what has come to light is that this woman is a serial philanderer. While she was having an affair with my husband, she was not only married (with three young children) but was simultaneously continuing a 7 year long affair with another man. Apparently her husband found out about it years ago, she said she had called it off, he forgave her and they moved on with their marriage.

Yet he is unaware (as far as I can tell) about the fact that she continued this affair AND had a second affair with my husband AT THE SAME TIME. And those are the ones we know about. She is a pro - she outlined rules of communication etc to my husband, referred to her husband (and me) as 'neighbours in their beds' and completely knew which buttons to push to get my husband behaving like a complete tit.

Part of me really wants to tell her husband (mainly so that she doesn't keep getting away with her revolting behaviour) but mostly I think it's got nothing to do with me and that it would hurt him and potentially fuck up the lives of those three innocent children.

But I am sorely tempted. Would you tell?

[Fairenuff]

Whilst I do think the poor man has a right to know, I also agree with others who are saying that you seem to be focussing on the wrong bit of this whole mess.

This happened very recently and it seems that you are directing your anger at the OW. Surely your dh is more of a concern?

[ageofgrandillusion]

So he was shagging her despite knowing that she was also shagging somebody else. He was happy to share her? I hope you find the strength to leave this sad, desperate, pathetic man OP.

[cantthinkofagoodone]

I would want to be told myself so I would tell the slut's husband.

[WhiteandGreen]

Slut? Calling someone a slut makes you sound misogynistic and/or bitter. Just so you know.

[AnitaManeater]

When my 1st DH left me for the OW I told her husband face to face. Thought it was the right thing to do. At the time I was devastated by the discovery and so was he. It backfired badly, he kept coming back to me wanting more information, then relaying titbits that he had uncovered, it was like picking at a scab and I felt responsible for his mental state as well as mine. He seemed to think me & him were two kindred spirits and he made a few passes at me (I knew him as an acquaintance before I found out DH was boffing his wife) I had to tell him to back off and I wish after having handled the fallout I hadn't said anything.

Put in the same situation again I would say nothing. I think as the messenger you then end up with some degree of responsibility to the recipient.

[MirandaGoshawk]

I don't think i'd tell, because of her dch. I think you seem to be handling this in a very dignified way, and I agree with all the observations you've made, such as that karma will get her.

[ageofgrandillusion]

Forget Karma, it's a load of bollocks. This isnt about getting her in any case. It is about allowing her partner to make an informed decision, it is the least the poor bugger deserves.

[cantthinkofagoodone]

Thank you for letting me know whiteandgreen but I'll stand by my pov that a woman who cheats on her husband and family with multiple men being a slut.

[expatinscotland]

Karma?! OMG, people don't honestly believe that kind of complete and utter bollocks, do they? Much less let such malarkey govern their actions. Really?

[MirandaGoshawk]

Er... yes