AIBU (think I probably already know the answer)

[AuchAyethenoo]

I've just had THE most embarrassing moment in Morrisons. I'm stood watching the food scan and the amount getting increasingly higher on the till display, 5 people standing behind me. I've got £70 in my pocket.

Yep you guessed it £72.68 on the display, I have to ask the woman to stop scanning and take off the last couple of items. Mortified just about covers it. Other people tutting, the cashier had to call for help, the whole shebang.

How did I get in this position, you ask?

I'm a SAHM, my oh works. We get some CTC and I get child maintenance for my eldest. My oh has a good wage, yet I have to cover half of ALL the bills, mortgage etc. Buy the weekly shop, all of the children's travel and activities and all of the children's expenditure (clothes etc).

AIBU to be destroyed that I have to use my eldests money for essential like food instead of saving it for her, to be hurt that even though oh knows that since his promotion my CTC has reduced and I'm struggling?

I now have £8 to last me 9 days, it's £4/day to get my dd2 to nursery. Oh says if I need money I should ask him, but he acts in such a demeaning manner when I do, asking precisely how much, what it's for etc. Then 'comically' tries to stuff it down my bra.

Your OH is a cunt, sorry.

Why arent you asking your OH for more inputL

Ignoring the glaring relationship issues for a minute, CB is paid for essentials, not to go into savings. So I wouldn't feel guilty about that for a second.

You are being abused. Sorry.

Your oldest child's maintenance could go towards her food, why wouldn't it?

However I agree that your husband is a nob and why the hell do you pay half when it appears you have less coming in? How does he make it up to be equal?

umm, another one here voting your oh is a complete twat of the highest order. this is financial abuse.

i do think cb is for essentials though so wouldn't feel bad about spending, not for a second.

Your OH is a shit to expect an equal split of the bills given that your income is substantially less than his.

Send your partner an invoice for childcare, cleaning etc. Exactly half of what a nanny, cleaner, housekeeper etc would cost.

What an arse.

Write it all down all your income and all the expenditure. Let him see in black and white that it just doesn't add up.

There is a chance that he just doesn't realise how little you manage on. If that doesn't change anything then you will really have to think about leaving, you would probably be financially better off for a start.

The Morrisons thing has happened to me before. Forget that. The issue is your dh.

You husband is a tosser who is financially abusing you.

Stuffing it down your bra warrants a 'comical' punch in the nads. You should not have to live like that, have a serious chat with him and if he won't budge then consider your other options.

This is financial abuse.

What does your OH do with all his extra money? Why are you in this arrangement? It's terrible, what a tosser.

We agreed before we bought the house that everything would be split evenly. Since then we have had two children and I gave up work due to a mental health issue.

His argument for carrying on the original agreement is that I should have thought about this possibility, apparently 'I moved the goal posts'.

He pretends to stuff it down your bra? .

It was all sounding awful before you said that- it juat ramped it up to another level.

Your OH sounds horrible :(

OP please read about financial abuse.

Yes things change within families but then you adjust to accommodate that. My DH contributes more than I do as I earn less now I'm part time and we have DS.

What TheVermiciousKnid said.

We agreed before we bought the house that everything would be split evenly. Since then we have had two children and I gave up work due to a mental health issue.

But if he earns more than you then that's hardly fair is it?
Dh works, I don't. He paid (before we moved into mils to save for a house) rent and bills and I paid for shopping. Now he puts what would have been out rent into savings and pays for car stuff and I pay for shopping still.

you moved the goalposts by having a mental health issue? he is a monumental dickhead OP. What do you get out of this arrangement? What's keeping you there?

Joint account... All of your money goes in, all of your bills/savings/expenses go out. Split anything that's left over as pocket money for each of you.
I couldn't live any other way. But decisions re employment/more kids etc have to be made together.

What a wanker.

Change the goalposts completely and leave.

Unless you massively overspend on silly things or have a problem managing money you should both have equal access to family income ie wages or tc etc.

What??? Illness is moving goal posts?

Charge him for his share of the childcare. In fact no, get him to pay maintenance. You are a family not house sharers.

Grade A twunt.

He is moving the goal posts!!

I mean paying half the bills before having children is completely different to paying half the bills with 2 dcs...
And different again when the person you proclaim loving had to stop work due to ill health.

As for 'stuffing down your bra' .

I think you are right. You knew the answer before starting the thread. YANBU and he is a twat.

The question now is, is he able to change and review his completely out of line attitude?