I'm going to stop drinking alcohol, can you help me find long term excuses to explain why I don't drink ?

[Ratatouille1977]

Hi there,

I feel the need to stop drinking alcohol because I'm no longer in control. I drink one bottle of wine a night so I know it's too much. I'm pretty sure I can't cut down so I think it has to go completely.

I'm worried about when I'm going to go out...2 years ago, I have stopped for a year drinking, I got frowned upon, got called a social bore, had to justify etc...

Why is it that when you stop smoking (I did that 3 weeks ago), everybody cheers on you but when you want to do the same about alcohol you don't really get any support ?

Wouldnt*

I think if someone just says 'I don't drink', then that's absolutely fine. No excuses needed at all.

In fact, I'd consider it very crass to question or comment on someone not drinking. Reasons are often personal, and I'd assume if you wanted me to know why you don't drink you'd tell me, but until then it'd be none of my business!

I'm amazed that there are still people out there who'd put pressure on someone to drink - surely that's totally socially unacceptable?

The ONLY 'excuse' you need to not drink is "Because I don't want to." If you want to volunteer more info than that, that's up to you. If anyone calls you a bore tell them "Maybe so, but at least I'm not an inebriated bore." Take solace in your decision to step outside your comfort zone and enjoy observing the desperate need to belong of the more vocal detractors. It's enlightening, especially if you thought peer pressure ended when you left school. There's always pressure to conform to the group - even a group of non-conformists. Fact is, any friend worthy of that title will respect and support you. As for the rest, fuck 'em. Spineless oxygen thieves. Good luck with quitting. See if you can get through Xmas. It'll be a breeze thereafter. You might find in future that you can drink within bounds that are acceptable to you. So long as it's your decison and not that of a buncha knobs is all that matters.

Almost everytime I was in a social situation when I was not drinking, the evening will start by a discussion on everybody's drinking habit...I know it was in order to make themselves feel better but it made me feel as if I was trying to persuade them/being preachy to stop alcohol when I was not !! I hope I make sense.

Yes, you do make sense. "in order to make themselves feel better",,, and you to feel worse. Seems they're having some success. It's understandable. You're outnumbered. When you were drinking they'd discuss drinking habits how often? Never? Once in a blue moon? You really seem to have got to them. I'd expect an hour or so of piss taking and the odd comment, but every night like a broken record? Either they can see that they're bothering you or you have some dull-ass friends? Is there another group or individuals you can go out with? That's some lame behaviour there. There's piss taking, then there's bullying and they seem well into the latter. What are they afraid of? Like I said previously, spineless, like all bullies.

Be honest - say you have realised that the amount you were drinking is not doing you any good. That is no comment their consumption - that is up to them. But for you, at this time, it is right to not drink.

If they can't handle that then I would find a new set of friends because they aren't really the type of friends who care about you. The problem is that as a society we tend to over use alcohol and most people aren't ready to admit that to themselves.

Good luck - sounds like it is a decision you need to make now.

I have more or less stopped as it doesn't mix with medication I am on now when I have the occasional drink it just gives me headaches, once you have done the "stopping smoking so not having a drink" bit, you could them say that as you stopped when you stopped smoking you now find even having one drink makes you feel really ill so you don't drink alcohol any more. They don't need to know that you never had that one drink to find out if its true. It's not an issue for me now as people are used to it.

I haven't had a drink for nearly 11 years, and it honestly isn't an issue ever any more. I used to feel a bit weird about what I said to people, but I don't give a fuck now. SlankKing is right, all you need to say is 'I don't want to'.

I remember one person once shouting across a dinner table (in front of lots of people I didn't know very well), did you used to be an alcoholic then? And I tied myself in knots trying to answer that... 'well, yes I suppose so but I wouldn't say I used to be one as you don't stop being one just because you don't drink, but actually I don't like that term anyway as it's not a useful label, and who knows what it means in any case? but on the other hand I am not ashamed of having problems with drinking, why should I be, it's not a moral failing, is it? although some people think it is...' blah blah blah zzzzzzz

As they say in AA, the people that matter don't mind, and the ones that mind don't matter. Now I don't bother with explanations. Everyone I work with has never known me anything but sober, and even my close friends and family, who have seen the very worst of me, say they can't imagine my drinking now.

The only time I really ever talk about it is if someone wants my help with trying to cut down or stop, and then I'm happy to talk for England - not telling them what to do, never that, but will share my experiences. I would do anything to help a struggling fellow-alchy (for want of a better word).

Hi there, I just wanted to let you know that I had my last drink last night ! I'm now free ! :-)

Well done, Ratatouille. You will need to work hard now to avoid accidentally responding to your triggers - be very mindful today after work, for example, as your brain is likely to be telling you it's Friday = wine o'clock.

Thank you tribpot !!!

OP I gave up because I was an alcoholic. I tell people I stopped drinking because I was getting too good at it.

I believe I'm an alcohol addict ! Tonight I'm going to the pub so we shall see what I'll say if asked anything

There is a physiological difference between dependence and drinking too much. Dependence involves various side effects when you stop, like sweating and shaking and bottles winking at you in the shops.

I found myself drinking far too much. I felt awful and out of control. It's only been a week of drinking nothing or a glass or 2, but so far I feel better. I think that acohol can feel like the friend you feel you need. But it's an abusive relationship.

I think I would have no problem saying I didn't enjoy how it made me feel. It's sort of like growing up a bit. I think I will have to accept however that there will probably be times when wine and I dance off into the night.

I can't drink due to some long term medication that I have to take that Really doesn't mix with alcohol.

You could use that as an excuse if you want.

Either way, good luck you are doing the right thing!

I don't want to drink anymore because I don't limit myself, if I buy a bottle, then a bottle I'll drink...the worst is that I don't even enjoy it that much, my poison of choice is spritzer. I wish I could be a sort of person who has 1 or 2 drinks sometimes not everyday...I accept I'll never be that person so that's why I have to stop completely...because I'll torture myself if I have to check and discipline my drinking.

For me if someone is really pushing me to drink, I say to them, you can buy me as many shots as you like, but I won't be drinking them. So save your money please! I don't think you need to justify it with an excuse.

Some things I have noticed since I stopped drinking:

• Some establishments cater for non-drinkers better than others. I am sick to death of drinking lemonade, but there are some good non-alcoholic cocktails and grown-up cordials that you can have with soda water, which means you actually enjoy what you are drinking. If you're stuck on lemonade or water all night then you're more likely to give in to temptation (unless you really love lemonade).

• You suddenly notice how unfunny being completely rat-arsed is to a sober person/bar staff/member of the opposite sex.

• There is more to life than going out on a Friday and Saturday evening religiously week in, week out. Not having a fuzzy head the next morning, means you get to do more with your weekend.

• It's cheaper when you go out for dinner. It's cheaper when you go to the supermarket.

Well done you for quitting fags and booze! Now think about how much money you're saving and put it towards something that's just for you - could be a hobby or evening class you want to take up or new running gear if you want to get back into that.

If you can find new things to do at the time when you'd normally be drinking the distraction will really help and you won't accidentally slip back into old habits.

Good luck to you :)

Rat, would you ever consider going to AA?

Not because 'hello my name is Rat and I am an alcoholic', but because the 12 steps are an absolutely wonderful way of coming to terms with and dealing with the fear and the worry and the misplaced shame of life, that gets us to drink too much in the first place. They are a super approach to life, and the serenity spills out into so many other places xx

A very nice thing to drink:

rock shandy:

1 dash angustora bitters
1/2 lemonade or ginger ale
1/2 sparkling water

puff adder:

1/2 bitter lemon

er... I've forgotten the recipe! I'll be back

Hi Wellwobbly Another friend of Bill W here. Really agree with your above advice.

Op, you say above "I believe I'm an alcohol addict ! Tonight I'm going to the pub so we shall see what I'll say if asked anything"

Sweetheart, those two statements really shouldn't go together in the early days of sobriety. Give yourself a fighting chance.

Best of luck x

A remember a man I knew vaguely well going on and on and on about me having a drink after I'd told him I didn't drink.

When he asked why for the 10th time, I replied 'because it turns me into a gibbering, annoying twat who hassles people'

He still didn't get it, but some other friends did and led him away.

Well done Rat. When I stopped I put £5 in a tin everyday. Later in the year I went to a lovely shop and treated myself to a beautiful coat that I still have and wear with pride. Put your nicotine stick money in there too.

photo - I want to live my life, I'm not sad I'm not drinking anymore. I can't not go out because I don't drink alcohol. I'm in the right mindset now. I definitely need to put the money aside, I didn't do it last time and I regret it.

I feel for you in some ways OP - I don't drink, and oddly even though I never have (so not as though people should be surprised that I'm 'suddenly' not drinking) it is still a real pain in the arse having to justify why not...people just can't understand why I wouldn't want to drink!
My reason is simple....I just don't like the taste of most alcoholic drinks...I like the taste of malibu, winter pimms and sourz but that's about it. I'll have these on occasion but people just don't get it.
I've never smoked either but no one ever questions that or tries to pressure you into doing it because it's the norm. Does my head in! As a result I tend to not join in any 'nights out' in town because the whole point is to drink and you just get called a boring cow, told to have a laugh and loosen up!

Exactly...you can never win ! 3 weeks ago I stopped smoking, my husband was, yes it's fantastic, think about all the money you are going to save etc...yesterday, when I told him I was having my last drink : what do you mean your last drink ? Do you mean you are not going to drink at all anymore or socially ? What about that nice bottle of sparkling rosé I bought for you ? Not even that ? Pftttt.