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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I'm going to stop drinking alcohol, can you help me find long term excuses to explain why I don't drink ?

138 replies

Ratatouille1977 · 08/09/2013 17:56

Hi there,

I feel the need to stop drinking alcohol because I'm no longer in control. I drink one bottle of wine a night so I know it's too much. I'm pretty sure I can't cut down so I think it has to go completely.

I'm worried about when I'm going to go out...2 years ago, I have stopped for a year drinking, I got frowned upon, got called a social bore, had to justify etc...

Why is it that when you stop smoking (I did that 3 weeks ago), everybody cheers on you but when you want to do the same about alcohol you don't really get any support ?

OP posts:

HoneyDragon · 08/09/2013 19:25

Oh yes, there definitely is.

I'm a confident person, but early on when I first stopped I found it really hard to adjust to how people viewed me once I decided my relationship with alcohol wasn't healthy.

Fifi2406 · 08/09/2013 19:29

I don't drink, not because I drank to much all the time but when I did I don't know my limit then it would hit me and I would be a wreck, now I just say no thank you I don't want it I'll have lemonade or whatever...people often say "if you come out with me you have to drink" I'll get you to drink" "just try it" but I'm not 14 and peer pressure is not for me people who take the piss or don't just accept it are not your friends! Just be strong in your decision and you don't need to make any excuse other than the fact you do not want it! Good luck!!!!

wordyBird · 08/09/2013 19:32

...btw I wasn't suggesting you tell people why it makes you ill (if you choose that approach) - only that you can justify it to yourself, if that is a concern.

Alcohol doesn't do me any favours health wise, but I don't bore people with the reasons (since they are boring reasons!)

Fifi2406 · 08/09/2013 19:35

Also I stopped drinking just as i started uni age 20 didn't drink throughout my whole uni experience and I had an absolutely brilliant time on nights out so don't let them think you're a bore if you're not drunk with them! They are more a bore if they can't have a good time without it

Original poster

Ratatouille1977 · 08/09/2013 20:01

Thank you so much for being understanding !!!!!! I'm a twat when I drink sometimes and I'm so tired because of it.

OP posts:

waltzingmathilda · 08/09/2013 20:12

I like a drink, I probably drink too much. No reason but I binned alcohol 10 weeks ago.

I do find 'no thanks' works. I dont need to explain myself

FloraDance · 08/09/2013 20:14

I am 2 years 2 days sober today and just say that I used to drink too much or I feel that I have done a life's worth of drinking already and fear for my liver (years in the wine trade). I got completely fed up with people of all levels of acquaintance pushing drinks on me that I am pretty blunt now. The only reason not to be is to avoid highlighting their own potential problem I think.

Honesty has helped my recovery I think but I haven't lapsed (had a on off period for most of 2011). I think if I had I would have been very upset and embarrassed.

Ememem84 · 08/09/2013 20:25

I've just done 8 weeks off the alcohol because of throat infections on doctors orders. It hasn't been easy especially since we have never been invited to so many parties. But. I've done it. And have used the driving excuse. I didn't think I drank a lot but thinking about it actually got through a lot each week. Have saved money, skin is better, am sleeping better, more energy, have lost a bit of weight. Am tempted not to go back.

Good luck!!

tribpot · 08/09/2013 20:30

Flora - 2 years and 3 months for me, we are of a similar - forgive the pun! - vintage.

Ememem84, why not push through a bit longer and then re-evaluate? You could go to the end of the month or even end of the year!

motherinferior · 08/09/2013 20:35

My partner gave up and doesn't look as if he'll start again. If asked, he's another who'll just say he was drinking a bit too much, found it very hard to cut down and decided it was simpler to stop.

CMOTDibbler · 08/09/2013 20:38

I don't drink these days as alcohol and my medication don't mix well, but I've noticed that the only people who make an issue of it are the ones with an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.

I don't normally get into a discussion about it though, just ask for the drink I want, and decline those I don't

maras2 · 08/09/2013 20:39

Jut tell anyone who's nosey enough to ask that you can't think of a better way to save £200 a month,lose weight and get healthy :)

maras2 · 08/09/2013 20:39

Just not jut.

Original poster

Ratatouille1977 · 08/09/2013 20:39

I'm happy to be understood. When I stopped smoking, I got a lots of encouraging, which it was the same for the drinking !! I'll make it up to myself !

OP posts:

haverer · 08/09/2013 20:40

I know two people who tried to give up smoking but in the end had to give up smoking and drinking together as drinking always led to starting smoking again. Seems perfectly reasonable if you've jut given up smoking.

mignonette · 08/09/2013 20:40

I drink maybe two units a year if I have to. When i have encountered the odd booze bore who won't take no for an answer I will either ask them directly why they cannot cope w/ a non drinker or smile sweetly and tell them its a shame it makes them feel so uncomfortable.

I have on a few occasions said 'go on then, I'll have a" and asked for a double of the most expensive drink I can imagine. Which I then throw away.

It pretty much isn't a problem though. I wouldn't get anxious about it.

HotelTangoFoxtrotUniform · 08/09/2013 20:44

I stopped in June. It was for a number of reasons - recurring cystitis is one of them - but the main one was that I didn't think my drinking was in control anymore and I really don't like the arsehole I turn into when I'm drunk.

If people push it when I ask for a sparkling water and say I don't drink I tend to say that I'm hitting reset on my drinking as it was getting a bit silly. This seems to be less threatening as I'm not saying it's forever (it is) and maybe doesn't make people think I'm judging their choice to drink to excess - which is what I think they think when I say I no longer drink.

It's working so far - I hope that in a few months time me not drinking will be normal among my friends and family and they'll stop asking.

guggenheim · 08/09/2013 20:44

I tell people that my liver is broken- and it's probably true.

If people get pushy then say loudly " Wow! you really want me to have that drink, don't you?"

As it happens, people only care for the first couple of drinks, max. After that they're more interested in telling you the same story again and again.

Good for you- please come and find the lifesaving brave babes bus.

I'm 8 months and 1 week sober and very grateful for it.

Crunchymunchyhoneycakes · 08/09/2013 20:52

Nearly 3 years for me. I attend AA and also CA which is a great source of support and sober company, might be worth trying a meeting.

No one has ever really pushed me to drink, then again all my close family and friends know why I don't drink and everyone else I spend time with tends to be in recovery too. If I am offered a drink I would just say I don't. It's nobody else's business why I don't, I sometimes tell people why I don't but it really depends on the situation, it really doesn't come up much. I don't spend time in pubs anymore or hang around with drinkers so that helps.

My drinking made me very unhappy, my experience before starting to attend recovery meetings was that once I started I couldn't stop and anytime I stopped for a period of time I would forget how awful it had been and start again. My life is so much better sober.

Original poster

Ratatouille1977 · 08/09/2013 21:00

I'm printing out this thread, I find help in every single posts. I'm not depressed but I drink too much because I'm addicted to it.

Last week, I had an argument with dh, and I was so over the top, I know we have our issues but I was borderline violent..I can't do that.

Alcohol is controlling my life so much at the moment, I was runner, I run less now because I chose to get a kick out of alcohol instead of managing (and feeling great) a 5k run.

OP posts:

HopeClearwater · 08/09/2013 21:15

'I don't drink'

'I don't like it.'

Anything else invites a whole lot of advice and tales and whatnot. It's your life, your business, and you don't need to explain yourself.

Seriously, if you think you are addicted, you could try AA. They say it's better to be in an AA meeting wondering whether you're an alcoholic than in the pub wondering the same thing... There will be a whole lot of support for you, and you won't be on your own. Giving up can be very difficult on your own, no matter how good your intentions.

Well done on taking this step, and good luck. I'm sure someone will have already mentioned the Brave Babes Battle Bus thread for you to look at.

HollyShort · 08/09/2013 21:43

Having quit smoking already is a great excuse, say that you're really serious about the quit and every time you have a drink you smoke, so you're knocking drinking on the head for a while to help you with the cigs. Once a while has past just present it as a non issue, since you've quit you've gone off the taste and get such horrific hangovers. Then just move on the conversation as otherwise many people will try and encourage you to drink.

Good luck, focus on the positives, rather than saying I must not drink today etc, tell yourself how nice it will be to go to bed with a clear head and have a great nights sleep. A big one for me was the focus on how wonderful it feels to wake up feeling clear and bright - because you never wake up and wish you'd drunk the night before.

ohtobecleo · 08/09/2013 21:55

My dad (now in his late 70s) did this in his late 30s. He experienced the same issues from friends ("come back to us when you come to your senses"). His then social circle are now all dead and he's still climbing mountains and has a healthy and inspiring circle of friends.

I applaud you for recognising your need to stop, and would hold your head up high and say 'I don't drink anymore' - no explanation required!

Original poster

Ratatouille1977 · 09/09/2013 08:09

ohtobecleo - your dad is an inspiration ! I'm glad I have started this thread, it brings me huge comfort.

OP posts:

Mixxy · 09/09/2013 08:25

Seriously go with the 'I just quit smoking and I'd be too tempted if I had even a glass'.

Soon enough people will forget you drank. Worked for my friend.

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