I'm going to stop drinking alcohol, can you help me find long term excuses to explain why I don't drink ?

[Ratatouille1977]

Hi there,

I feel the need to stop drinking alcohol because I'm no longer in control. I drink one bottle of wine a night so I know it's too much. I'm pretty sure I can't cut down so I think it has to go completely.

I'm worried about when I'm going to go out...2 years ago, I have stopped for a year drinking, I got frowned upon, got called a social bore, had to justify etc...

Why is it that when you stop smoking (I did that 3 weeks ago), everybody cheers on you but when you want to do the same about alcohol you don't really get any support ?

I'm 14 years sober (40 years old). I've had various comments over the years:-

'Have a drink! Oh no, I forgot, you're boring, aren't you?' (This from an accountant who lives in the suburbs and whose conversation revolves around mortgage rates and house prices...)
'You could probably have just one now couldn't you? It's been such a long time it probably wouldn't affect you' (my DM, to whom the idea of going 24 hours without a drink is just terrifying.)
'Oh it's not got much alcohol in it, hardly any really. You can definitely have this.' (Ah, my MIL, bless her heart)

I've also been honest with the wrong people sometimes. I mentioned to a mum at the school gates who kept inviting me to come to the drinks evenings that they have that I don't go to that sort of thing because I'm a recovering alcoholic (I go out to bars and clubs sometimes, just not to evenings where I know the main point of it is to get ratted together - from what everyone looks like the morning after these 'drinks evenings' I know they tend to get a bit messy). Now I have to put up with her and a few of her mates giving me 'side head' and 'gentle sympathetic voice'... I didn't get to be 14 years sober by being fucking fragile FGS! But at least they've stopped going on at me to attend the drinks.

So, yeah sometimes you will get stupid comments. Sometimes you'll give an explanation that people will gossip about, and some people will pressure you - usually because they're uncomfortable about their own drinking. But the rewards are so worth it.

Usually I just say 'I don't drink alcohol' and most people leave it at that. If they don't, it's usually because they have an issue with alcohol and my being sober makes them uncomfortable so I try to have compassion for them and not be too snippy in my 'No thanks, I really don't want a drink'. Recently when someone pressured me about my drinking I was a bit too forceful and pointed out that two of my family members died of alcoholism last year (one of liver failure, one with Korsakoff's syndrome who died of oesophageal haemorrhage - both were in their late 40s and had kids). That caused an Awkward Silence, and I regret saying it but it was all a bit raw at the time and they were being an arse.

At most parties you can find me on the dancefloor - this means most people don't notice I haven't been drinking. In fact, the way I dance, they usually assume that I'm off my face

hi, i think you have answered your own question!! i go through periods of doing this when i'm a bit fed up with drinking, hangovers ect and my best excuse yet is that i'm training for a big run so running the next day and can't afford to miss a days training. thus you don't drink and you will get back into your running, win win. sign up for a big race today!!!

I am seven years sober.

I tell people I don't drink, and if they ask why I say I had a drink problem.

Very few people ask why, they know it is impolite.

Well done you for realising you need to stop! Don't be afraid to accept help if you need it to stay stopped.

I stopped drinking 8 days ago - feeling great - did it for weight loss purposes, but if asked I just say 'I've just gone off it', and no one seems to mind or pressure me into having a drink. I've switched to sparkling water - I find I can't drink more than one 'pop' type drink, 'cos they're all too sweet (even those with artificial sweeteners). Best of luck, OP :)

I would not come up with a wishy washy excuse like "low carbing" as that is something you could be talked out off (" come on, surely you can ditch the diet for just the once?!".

Either be truthful and to the point. Or if that is too much for you and you don't fancy that, say " I cannot drink as Zi have a stomach ulcer".

Something short, that you cannot be persuaded to change your mind about.

Also, pick uour favourite alcohol free. So if offered a drink your automatic response is " can I have a lime and soda please? "

Good luck!

Just say I'm not drinking at the moment. My dp gave up over 20 years ago and he says thats when his life started!

I'm reading the book by Jason Vale : Kick the drink..easily..and it's a massive opener regarding my relationship with alcohol. It helps me making sense of why I'm so hooked.

I think lots of women are trapped in a habitual drinking cycle. I know a lot of my friends are. It is very easy to explain away wine in the evenings while cooking and relaxing but it does creep up on you. I drink less as I get older as I just feel and look terrible next day and the hangovers really last. I didn't drink at all at teh beginning of this year and felt amazing and was slim and full of energy

I don't drink because it genuinely doesn't agree with me. It started out as a mild intolerance but now I feel dizzy and disorientated after anything more than a sip. It's been that way for over 20 years and people still question it.

My standard answer is that it makes me ill with no fun in between so there's no point!

You sound determined to make a change that will benefit YOU. Anyone who tries to sabotage that is not a true friend, and should be kept at at least arms length.

Good luck with your new self

I haven't read the whole thread, too near the knuckle. I am in same place, but am trying a half-way house, hopung i don't have to give up completely. Next bit is about me, not you, but might help. I've realised that part of dealing with it is being honest with myself, and that means being honest with others too. So am saying "I'm worried about how much I've been drinking, so am trying to prove to myself (and DH) that i don't have a drink problem" my friends have been really supportive. If this doesn't work, I will have to give up alcohol altogether, which isn't what I want. For me, to make this work, I can't hide behind medication type excuses. Hope you find a way through this xx

This is a good book for anyone looking to stop - it might help those wanting to cut down as well, I can't actually remember. And this one, although unsuccessful for me, is definitely worth a look as well.

OP Tie it in with the smoking. Are you one of those people that smokes more when they are drinking? You could say if you have a drink you will want a cigarette. I am sure Melanie Sykes gave drinking up when she stopped smoking cos she couldn't have a drink without wanting a cig.

My dad stopped for a few years (similar reasons to you) but he was unbearable about it. He would go on about how hooked people were, how they were weak, and he was stronger because he had good will power and didn't need a crutch anyway...
I was only a teenager and didn't drink any alcohol, and I found him awful

So don't do that. I have lots of friends who don't drink, one because she went on one too many benders, one because it gives her migraines, another just doesn't like the taste. One is a member of some sort of group which advocates no stimulants (I think it is a religious thing) so she doesn't drink tea or coffee either.

You will lose lots of weight and save TONS of cash, and eventually look and feel better (I found it hard for the first few days, I woke up feeling slightly hung over). All the best

I just read the post about heartburn. I knew a woman who had such bad heartburn all the time, she was at the specialists regularly (in the US so paying) and she didn't get any relief until she got pregnant and stopped drinking alcohol.
We were aghast that it hadn't occurred to her or she hadn't listened to her specialist or perhaps she wasn't told clearly enough (because she was providing the dr with $$$ after all). This was a woman with about 6 degrees, super bright, but totally blinkered.

I think it's what I'm going to do : I just stop smoking and I can't bear having a drink without a fag, so sparkling water it is for me !!

Yes, it's very important not to be the teetotaller evangelist - no-one wants to hear about how great it is not drinking alcohol! (Even though it is). I deliberately don't take the piss when the guys in my team come in with a hangover after a night out, even though they basically invite me to do so! No room to criticise anyone else, really.

'I just don't want to drink alcohol'

that is all you should have to say

when I first gave up I didn't tell anyone I was and I sneakily managed to not draw attention to the fact either

then I just told them

That you are trying for a baby or pregnant?

That you have to be able drive early the next morning?

I don't think lying to people that you see in the office every day that you're pregnant would be entirely wise :) Unless OP is going to go through a fictional pregnancy - the mat leave would be nice! But then she's going to be 'unpregnant' again, and the problem resumes.

Yes, just keep it simple. My teetotaller friend doesn't give a shit what people might think, and it's just a non issue as a result.

Do you know, I'm not sure I'd make any attempt to explain. The ones who drink too much will u derrtsnd why but probably get uber defensive because you've struck a raw nerve.

And the ones who don't have a problematic relationship with booze won't have a clue why you would gave to give up.

Well done you, you will feel amazing!

You can borrow my reason if you like - it's true, too!

I don't really drink any more (maybe the odd half/glass) because it used to agree with me but now I go straight from sober to a headache with no fun bit in between.

Ooh, same as married, except not quite as longstanding.

I don't drink, the only time I get pressure is when out with work or entertaining clients. I tell the truth - I'm a lightweight and one drink would have me on the floor...

I would say you don't like it. I've tried that and people make it their mission to find a drink you do like! The binge drinking culture is curiously British; most can't countenance going to the pub and not drinking.