I'm going to stop drinking alcohol, can you help me find long term excuses to explain why I don't drink ?

[Ratatouille1977]

Hi there,

I feel the need to stop drinking alcohol because I'm no longer in control. I drink one bottle of wine a night so I know it's too much. I'm pretty sure I can't cut down so I think it has to go completely.

I'm worried about when I'm going to go out...2 years ago, I have stopped for a year drinking, I got frowned upon, got called a social bore, had to justify etc...

Why is it that when you stop smoking (I did that 3 weeks ago), everybody cheers on you but when you want to do the same about alcohol you don't really get any support ?

If you really don't want to explain, I know a few people now who are allergic to alcohol, and at least two of those developed the allergy later in life. I also have the odd friend who gets migraines from even a tiny bit of alcohol. Allergy/intolerance is probably the most trouble free excuse you can have.

I stopped for exactly the same reasons as you. Coming up to five years soon.

When people really push as to why I stopped I say

I hated it when I was at work and it was a bad day and all I did was look forward to going home and having a glass of wine. I wanted to be the person who looked forward to just going home and chilling with her family, not opening a bottle.

It works. It does make some people uncomfortable, but I figure that's because they hav heir own issues. But it stops people pushing it on me

I just say I don't like it. Which is true.

I don't drink anymore, mainly because I am so lightweight (metaphorically speaking!) since I had the kids, one glass gives me a blistering hangover which I can't cope with.

It took about a year for people to stop commenting on it, but now no-one blinks an eye. Just choose your reason and stick to it, people will stop questioning about it eventually.

"I just say I don't like it. Which is true."

Bit hard to say that when you've been happily knocking back glasses for years though...

tell them you are driving?

I've not touched a drop for 13 years.
My mum has a condition where her body doesn't produce the enzymes that break down alcohol and I always had horrific hangovers.
After DS was born my body changed and when I stopped bf I would be violently sick if I drank even a small amount.
I can't even wear perfumes with alcohol in them.
I find it is the one drug where you have to constantly justify to people why you don't do it. People just can't seem to deal with it.
I only miss it at Christmas and also on my wedding day I think it would have been nice to have some Champagne.
Other than that I don't miss it at all.
Good on you for making that change. You'll find there are more teetotals than you think!

Well done op, you're making a really good decision. Just wanted to add my support.

It is kind of incredible that we need to justify the decision to certain people. I dreaded not drinking for the inevitable pregnancy jokes. Actually I find saying it doesn't agree with me works well.

I just say I don't drink. Very occasionally someone will say something like 'but you used to, didn't you?' and I said 'I used to. That's why I don't now'. And that's usually subtle enough to get the point across (although the last time I did that the guy I was talking to said 'ah, yes my mother's an alcoholic' - he had called it correctly so I didn't take offence!)

I think it's best to make it seem medical, people are less likely to think you can just pick it up and drop it then, so "I'm under GP's orders" - they are unlikely to ask why.

Whilst I appreciate you are not wanting to announce to the world that you find your drinking to be a problem a dose of honesty will help you stick to it as well - I actually would go and tell your GP, so you can have a bit of a blood workup and see if there's anything that could use a boost to fix in the short term (I took folic acid when I first stopped drinking, I have literally no idea what for now as I was extremely ill at the time). And to other people you could say "I've just decided that, for me, it's better not to drink". End of. They are much less likely to push booze at you then than if they think you are just being all faddy and virtuous.

Btw, it was only with wine that I had a problem. I probably could still drink if I stuck to, say, gin and tonic. But I wouldn't stick to it.

Yes, agree with everyone who says that "I don't drink" should be enough. Anyone who presses you for a reason beyond that is just rude.

That's true Pirate. Not very helpful of me. I just kind of wanted to add to the weight of those saying 'you don't have to justify it' iyswim.

I agree that you shouldn't need to say why or if you want to, it should be easy enough to say something to indicate you have a problem with it, but sometimes it's easier just to fib a little bit. So if you aren't comfortable with saying nothing or saying how it has affected you and why you are stopping then I'd go with the 'It has started giving me migraines'... it happens. It's better than saying 'I'm on a diet' etc as people will counter with 'Oh go on, one little one wont hurt etc' but if you say it 'now gives me migraines' people wont push it. You shouldn't have to, but .... if it makes life easier, it's not going to hurt anyone is it.

I hope giving it up is easy enough for you & that you feel better for it.

TVTonight

Because there is s social stigma to bring an alcoholic, especially a recovering one, people avoid you. It's fine a dandy to be a piss head though, and you get to keep your "friends"

At least I assume this is the feeling the op is talking about and has noticed in social circles.

I know quite a lot of blokes who don't drink. One said "I drank way too much in my twenties so I just decided to give it up", and I think that worked well. I think that "I've just given up" is normally enough. "On a diet" is a rubbish excuse, nobody's going to accept that.

I tend not to drink anymore. I used to binge drink as a young adult but we have a strong link of alcoholism in our family so I just stopped. I will very occasionally have a half glass of champaign but rarely.

My friends all just accepted it when I said in not drinking. They now pipe up 'she doesn't drink' if people offer to buy me one. I got questioned a few times and told them about the alcoholism in the family, they shut up after that.

My ILs think I'm odd, they would never be so rude as to ask why but they obviously think its odd. Saying that they think in a general weirdo anyway!

You could tell people it makes you ill these days, which is the truth (eg, triggers unhealthy addictive behaviour, or however you define it for yourself)?

Well I'm not sure the OP is an alcoholic, recovering or not, so having that as her introductory line to new acquaintances in the pub might be a bit OTT! I do have friends who've said "I counted up the units, realised I was drinking more than I should and decided to knock it on the head/cut down drastically" and never more has been said on the subject.

With work people, though, it's a fine line. I'm quite happy that everyone I would ever socialise with at work knows my situation (not sure they are aware of precise details but it's never an issue when we go out) but I have worked there for nearly 10 years so it's very different from if I was in a new place, or in a workplace where I felt I might be judged for it. Fortunately being a woman in IT means you're such a natural outsider that doing something weird like not drinking goes pretty much unnoticed - it was more difficult for a (male) friend of mine who was a teetotaller in quite a hard drinking team there.

OP probably will find less of a draw to go to the pub, to be honest - I used to go more when I was first recovering (oddly) as I didn't want to miss out on social time with my friends. As time went on, I just preferred to find other ways to socialise with my friends - and frankly they are all happy to find alternatives to boozing too.

Alcohol = empty calories, say it's for health reasons.

I tend to say that when I drink I either a) virtually go to sleep or b) get dizzy, feel sick and throw up. Essentially this is true. I can manage to drink a glass of wine slowly while eating a meal, but that's about it.
One of the great things about getting older is that I think there is less pressure to drink. (Though that probably depends a bit on your friends.)

I think the calorie argument is too prone to 'oh just have one ... you can go for a run tomorrow and work the calories off' etc etc. OP wants something that brooks no further discussion on the subject.

I did this last December OP and lost a stone in 6 months. If people ask me why, I just say it makes me feel like shit and the hangovers were getting worse as I got older. Good luck, you will love your new found sobriety.

Wine makes me sleepy.
Most spirits give me heartburn.
I really hate beer.

Just say, it gives you really painful heartburn