Am so confused and bewildered (again) that I could use some support in helping me see the wood from the trees.
I have been with my DP just over 6 years. We live together and our dcs are both grown up and live elsewhere.
95% of the time our relationship is great, He is understanding, funny, kind, loyal etc, etc.
Except when we row.
Rows used to be very infrequent....about 3 a year at most if that.
In the last 6 weeks I can count at least 4. If I give you just an example of last nights you might be able to give me some perspective.
Started over something really stupid (don't they all?) Wanted a Chinese takeaway, usual one wasn't taking orders so looked online and found another and ordered.
Messed about...order arrived 1 hr 20 mins later after 3 phone calls....arrived in bag which had spilt the food everywhere so that was the end of that.
Annoying but not the end of the world. I offered to make bacon sandwiches to be told 'fuck that I'll go and get a takeaway myself". I told him quite calmly that if he did that I would be calling the police as he would be over the limit. ( The simple reason neither of us went out earlier to collect was that we had a drink. Not a lot but enough to be over the limit. He has never ever thought it would be ok to ride his motorbike after drinking)
He then yelled at me to phone another place and he would walk and pick it up. I have told him recently that I won't respond if he shouts at me and that as such he could phone them himself.
Then followed a barrage of shouting at me telling me I'm just like all woman in that I needle and wind him up and then ask innocently "what have I done wrong?"
I genuinely did not know what I had done wrong and when I tried to talk to him was met "oh just fuck off!" several times. His face was absolutely contorted with rage.
He then proceeded to tell me that I had rowed with him earlier in the day and "why wouldn't I just bloody listen" Plumber came out, made boiler situation worse...ok now we need to sort out. Not a problem. The plumber had told him all sorts of things couldn't be done and we would need a new radiator. DP says he thinks that is bullshit and he will speak to his boss (Knowledgeable) and ask him. I asked a few questions about why couldn't we do this or that just to try to understand. I then said ok shall we call British Gas and we agreed we would. Sorted. No raised voices, no frustration just a conversation (in my head) Later in the evening he was shouting that I had argued with him about this..."you never bloody listen, you always have to bloody argue" There wasn't an argument! There really wasn't. I remember...I was there.
It isn't the first time he's accuse me of arguing when I merely wanted clarification about something and to ask some questions (I work with people I don't understand the ins and outs of machines around the home etc.)
This might sound trivial but it is making me very uneasy.
Am I forgetting things? Did we have a row and I really can't remember it? Is it a row if I ask questions? I wasn't saying I know better (I don't)
I asked him to tell me what I had said that he thought was me arguing, mainly so I could actually see what he was getting at. He told me to "fuck off and leave him alone " and sneered "of course you never do anything wrong do you?" Well obviously that's not the case but on this occasion I am genuinely bewildered.
So, I get accused of arguing but when I try to ask what I said that he perceived as arguing (because that would actually help) I get told to fuck off and shut up.
I think this has now happened once too often and that we are through which breaks my heart.
Am I over thinking it?
Perhaps it's not really that bad?
Please can anyone help me see what might be happening?
I am genuinely bewildered
Thanks