Dating Thread 63- disappearers, wedding bells and dodgy eye candy, all are welcome

[hostesswithleastest]

Oops that title may have put off newcomers :D

Anyway.... the old thread is dead long live the new!

Broken it sounds like you might have different expectations of what dating is, compared to the guys you're seeing. It is OK to decide not to see someone again, even for what seems like a silly reason especially as people are not always truthful and 99% of the time the reason is they're just not feeling it".

OD is a sweet shop and you should be using that to your advantage. There is a balance between giving someone time to reveal themselves and flogging a dead horse, but you shouldn't feel you should be content to see what develops when there are so many options out there. I do think if you're both trying to make it work and prove they're good enough from the beginning that you'll store up problems down the line.

That said I do also think maybe men are more inclined to expect to feel an unreasonable degree of smitten after one date or two, but that is skin off their nose, not yours.

Yes Broken, what my enormously mature colleague Ms Wine said.

OWW I have you and Alpha next down the aisle after Snape and Nameless and Tigsy and Mr Tigsy ( I can only remember his real name at the moment ).

Broken -I second what Stranger says.

It's good that you're nice to people, if everyone was like that the world would be a much better place. But you have to develop your filter to work out whether someone is worth being nice to.

Take my recent example, the MedStudent. We met for a first date, got drunk and snogged a lot. She wasn't right for me, in various ways - too loud, brash, bitey. But I saw her again for a second date to see if it was just nerves, and she was as bad as the first time, so I stopped seeing her with an 'it's not you it's me, lack of spark' message.

I didn't feel obliged to see her again, didn't try to find the good in her to make up for the bad. I didn't feel it's better to be with just anyone rather than alone, so I broke it off earlier and moved on.

You don't have to put up with people's shitty behaviour just to be with someone, and you shouldn't be trying to please people who will take advantage. Drop them, take a deep breath, eat some ice cream and move on. There are decent men out there who are worthy of you, it's just that they get snapped up quickly when they try OD. The bad ones keep circulating as they don't go off the market for long, so there seem to be more of them. Avoid.

broken sounds like you've got lucky, he's got a strong whiff of the ' I'm completely off my chump and if you were landed with me I'd have you permanently perched on the Relationships Board for advice on my fuckwit behaviour' about him.

waves to all
49 wow, congratulations, brilliant. Now tell us everything

Ooooh broken I second Nora you have had a lucky escape, I also wonder if a few weeks on the sofa would be a good thing?
I don't know anything about you but you sound really fed up and how about doing something(s) that make you happy and will build you up before you get out there again?

49

Congratulations to you both. Lovely news! :) x

Congratulations 49, that's sooooo lovely! :o

I don't know that it's all that fair to write him off as an arse. Granted, the phrase "head over heels" is a bit odd, but after five dates or so you have a good idea about whether there's the potential for things to develop or not. And if he didn't feel there was, it's fine for him not to want to take things further.

I did something similar with a bloke I was seeing earlier this year, after five dates too - perfectly nice man (apart from the drumming), could have carried on and drifted along for ages but it just wasn't quite right, so I plucked up my courage and finished it. And I'm incredibly glad I did, or I wouldn't have met Alpha a few weeks later.

You can tell the difference when you meet someone that you click with.

Sorry, Broken, I really don't want to be unsupportive, but there really is no point spending a lot of time on trying to make something work when it's not quite right. It's not you, it's not him, you just didn't work together. I'm so sorry you feel low and disappointed, and it's hard when this kind of thing happens, but in the long run it's freed you up to meet someone who is genuinely right for you. It will happen.

49 - huge congratuations.
broken I have to think a bit before posting - because I want to be some help (!) I rekindled a relationship from my teenage years a while back - the truth is, I was so crazy about her back in the day that I found it hard to accept I didn't feel it second time around. She was really upset when I finally plucked up enough courage to end it, and there's hardly a day goes by when I don't feel guilty about it. What I'm getting at is that not everyone is 100% certain about stuff - and I bet my ex (second time) felt a bit like you - I was nice to her because it's what I do (and as Bant says it would be great if we could all be kind to each other) , but that's not a measure of my feelings - I am nice to strangers.

I can't offer advice except to agree with others, you have had a lucky escape although I realise it won't feel like that.

Went to the pub and for meal with friends for the first time in ages last night - one thing I am sure of is that I am still finding plenty of women attractive, which is sort of reassuring I suppose.

Omg that's so lovely just made Me cry !

Thank you wine !!!!!!!

In fact, to add to DFU's comment - the reason MedStudent said she liked me so much is that I was so nice to her. She saw that as me being boyfriend material. Unfortunately in that case, she's not girlfriend material for me.

I'm generally nice to people, whether I'm dating them or not. If I do date someone, I'm going to be nice to them by default - and that may make her see me as wonderful and the perfect man - but it doesn't mean that I'm falling for her. It just means I'm trying to be a decent person.

Although if I remember, this guy was the one who was ignoring you much of the first date, had to leave after a while and kept checking his watch. That sounds unlovely to me. I remember saying you should maybe give him a second chance because you were unsure. Maybe ignore me next time and go with your gut instinct. If he's not trying hard to impress you, he's not worth your time.

Sometimes we meet people on dates who we think are great but they don't think it back. Sometimes they don't make that realisation until several dates in. It's hard, but it happens. And we all have the right to choose to drop them too, even if they're really into us.

Congratulations 49

Have been having a lovely birthday - got breakfast in bed, played card games and went out for a picnic and played football. Mr Nice fits in very well with the three of us which is very lovely :)

I would like to live with him sooner than 4 years time...

Oh I forgot, happy birthday Miranda

Hi all. Please give me a huge kick up the arse. Since I split up with my last serious bf about three months I have sex on the first date with two men. Yesterday had a lovely date with a very handsome man. I told him straight off that I didn't do it on a first date but I'm afraid to say he literally charmed the pants off me. We didn't have full sex as we had no condoms and he said he wanted to come round again before next weekend but no text today. I SHALL NOT TEXT FIRST.
I do really like him but I hate all this cat and mouse bullshit. I find it very hard to keep my hands off someone if the chemistry is strong and yesterday it was literally crackling away between us. Bugger. I have a date lined up for next Sunday with someone else (arranged a while ago) so if this dosn't work out I have options . Am I too easy?

No superstar you're not. But if you have sex on the first date, it doesn't give you much chance to weed out the blokes who are just looking for sex.

Fine, if you're just looking for that too, but be prepared to not hear from most of them again. Some will just never call, some will only see you as a fuckbuddy, it's just going to harm your chances a bit in finding a LTR if that's what you want.