Dating Thread 63- disappearers, wedding bells and dodgy eye candy, all are welcome

[hostesswithleastest]

Oops that title may have put off newcomers :D

Anyway.... the old thread is dead long live the new!

Hello

Thanks for the reports about this thread, and we're sorry to see that many of you are upset about our decision to ban Bant. We do understand that he was a popular and long-term MNer.

Obviously we can't discuss the details of our dealings with other posters, especially if they're not around to speak up for themselves. But in general, we never take the decision to ban lightly, especially when someone has been around for a while. Posters will receive at least one (and sometimes more) clear warning that further breaking of Guidelines will lead to a suspension of their ability to post before we implement a ban.

We do know that there is history here, and some bad blood between a few posters on this thread. But we can't allow repeated breaking of the Talk Guidelines.

If Bant would like to contact MNHQ to discuss anything, he's welcome to do so.

And many apologies that we failed to delete his post earlier - we do see that this was confusing. It was an oversight on our part, and we've zapped it now.

Please also rest assured that we do really try to deal with all posters equally and fairly, and that quite a lot goes on behind the scenes. Anyone on these threads who has been brought to our attention for repeatedly breaking our rules will, at the very least, have heard from us. But if there's any particular posts or posters you'd like to bring to our attention, please do report them to us

I'm a very irregular poster here but long time lurker and have always enjoyed bant and oww's posts. insightful, honest and on the level, and helpful for those of us trying to surf the maelstrom that can be online dating. The thread won't be the same without bant's well written, male, POV. have read the connected threads and the ban seems overly harsh IMO.

Going to second, third, fourth everyone else here - summed up very well by Joyless and BringBackBant. I know I'm largely a lurker, but I've been around a long time, and it is perfectly clear who is stirring the shit here. Bloody outrageous decision by MNHQ.

And if you're all buggering off to FB, please someone PM me so I can come too!

I've had thinly veiled personal attacks, where the poster manages to not actually mention my name, but those who are savvy recognise it as such. I tend to rise above it, because I'm not that bothered about words on the Internet. By nature, I don't like confrontation, so I tend to try to peace keep and go to the darkened room with a bottle of gin and a jar of Nutella.

But I think this is wrong.

I admire bant for his tenacity. For sticking around when a lot of male posters give it up as a bad job because sometimes people can extrapolate their own experiences with men and attribute their own experiences to what male posters post. That isn't right. I admire bant for his perspective, it's invaluable that someone, particularly a bloke, is consistently challenged and sticks around and keeps offering his opinion.

MNHQ, without knowing exactly what has gone down.....we're all forming our own opinions and those opinions don't show you in a particularly good light.

And hello de-lurkers. Thank you for delurking. That rocks. :)

Oops, sorry x posts etc.

Yup, what Tigsy said ...

A very polite, template reply not dealing with the issue AT ALL. Not good enough MNHQ ... Please refer this thread's outpouring up the chain of command.

Agreed Tigsy - I can only think that Mumsnet have their little favourites . . . (despite Julie's protestations to the contrary)

And Julie - I read Bant's post last night. There was NO personal attack. How on earth did it break MN talk guidelines?

I'd like to join you on FB too, please. Can someone PM me? Ta.

MNHQ - I am truly struggling to see why a remark about not engaging with an unnamed thread started by an unnamed poster - in response to a remark made by someone else - manages to break any guidelines, let alone earn a deletion/ban.

I fear we are flogging a dead horse Tigsy It is as clear as mud for those that want to see it.

Mumsnet, I'm confused. Thankfully I got a chance to read the most recent posts before they were deleted, so I have an idea of what has been going on. Anyone else returning to this much loved and invaluable thread after a short break, will be appalled (and even more confused than me) to see what has happened.

Sure some of us sail a bit close to the wind occasionally - but equally, we are pretty good at pulling each other up on it, and moving on. I understand the need for rules on fora, but I think your rules need to be reviewed.

Fellow threadees, I'd love to see you on FB (indeed I have befriended some of you already which is fab) - please PM me! X

Oh and while I'm here - Snape, as a v. long term lurker following yours (and others stories), I am delighted to hear about your current happiness. Delighted :)

I'm friends with Wagon already but anyone else wh I'm not then feel free to PM me

Funnily enough, my posting name came about from a not very thinly veiled insult. Like Snape, I chose to rise above it and actively embrace the name. In fact, I love the name and it makes me smile to remember how it came about because it was a lively exchange. What it wasn't was a concerted, continual series of pathetic and unpleasant shit-stirring attacks by one individual of anyone who disagrees with them.

There's always spats online, it can't be avoided but it seems as if the letter of a particular law is being applied here and the spirit very flagrantly flouted.

I've been meaning to ask this what happened to a poster called Mercury. This poster used to stick up for herself and hasn't been heard of for a while. Let me know Mercury if you are still around.

You're being played MNHQ. I don't get why you're falling for it.

Oh blimey, my FB is a blur of people I'm trying to get straight

WTF, this is outrageous and I also feel partly responsible so sorry Bant if you're lurking.

An explanation for those who are utterly confused because of the complete lack of offensive posts on this thread! I posted a snarky response on another thread whilst holding back everything I actually thought to avoid breaching MN guidelines and posted a sigh of frustration on this thread. Bant posted a very brief, non-inflammatory supportive comment. Which was enough to get someone's knickers in a twist because they already had a grudge against Bant.

MN obviously are not familiar with the concept of bullies playing the victim as a controlling technique.

You've got three minutes to deletion, I reckon Stranger. Some opinions are more acceptable than others, clearly.

Yeah I am just sitting here waiting...

Hi guys ...for clarity...I was given no first warning by MNHQ they just cut me off. Good luck to you all. Luff ya. I fully expect instant zapping.