Need advice quite quickly. Domestic violence involved.

[WhatAFoolAgain]

I asked h to leave last year after he held a knife to my throat. Previously he had tried to strangle me but I had never reported it to the police.

I phoned the police on the night of the knife incident but never pressed charges. Social services were involved but closed the case as they said there was no threat to the dc.

A year has passed. I have been stupid and have been off and on with h. I am 18 wks pg by him.

We had planned to go away next week with the dc. I know. I know. I paid money into his account this morning towards car hire and then he said he wasn't coming. Because I still had his bank card he came round to collect it. I had already asked him not to come because I knew he was going to kick off but he came anyway.

He walked in the back door. I asked him to leave straightaway. He did. I locked the door behind him but he came back and started kicking the door. I opened the window and told him to stop. He reached in the window and grabbed my purse. I shut the window. He grabbed a spade and started trying to smash the kitchen window.

I phoned the police. They are on their way.

He went to the cashpoint and took all my money out of my account. Then came back to the house. Banged on the front door and then posted my bank card back through the door. He sat outside for a bit and drove away. Is it theft if he knows my PIN number?

Whats going to happen next?

Are social services going to be involved again?

Am I in danger of losing the dc?

This is a joint house. I just want to move miles away from him. As long as I am around him I feel I will keep going back to him.

I am pathetic.

You are not pathetic, it is theft, here is my hand to hold .

Hope the police are there & you are ok.

Do you have a friend or famil ymember who could come & support you?

I hope the police can help you. I am not sure if it is theft though, if he knows your number and is currently living with you.

Have you been involved with Womens Aid before? Please give them a ring and talk things through with them

They are still not here. Its been an hour now. I don't feel safe here but I have no where else to go.

He has a key to the back gate which he refuses to hand over so can get into the back garden anytime he likes.

I just feel so trapped by him. At times he can be great, but when he loses it its so scary. If things aren't going the way he wants or if I do something he doesn't like he loses control.

The whole time he was smashing the window he was just staring at me to see my reaction. His face was just full of anger.

Is it really theft if he is still her husband though? Wouldn't it be a joint asset sort of thing?

How horrible for you, OP!

I don't have anyone.

He isn't living with me, not since I asked him to leave last year.

Yes, it's theft. Taking someone's property with the intent to permanently deprive is theft. Being someone's partner or living with them doesn't make it legal. He knew your pin number - so what? He didn't have your permission to take the card, let alone the money. The pin number is a side issue. He stole from you. That simple.

And putting someone in immediate fear of violence is common assault, actually. There's also something called an Occupation Order that can force an abusive partner out of a jointly held property. Women's Aid can advise you here - and you're entitled to legal aid, because you've reported DV to the police (twice now, actually).

Please call Women's Aid. Seriously. It is what they're there for. www.womensaid.org.uk/

And this is NOT your fault, and you are NOT pathetic. The horrible thing about abusive relationships is you desperately want to believe that you've not wasted so much time on a total piece of shit. Problem is, while you stay/return you keep wasting more. You know the saying, throwing good money after bad? Well you're throwing good love after bad here.

It is theft. Possibly fraud and burglary too (if he put his hand through the window, thus gaining access to the property to take the purse). Press charges. No question. You must do whatever it takes to keep you and your children safe.

I'm sure you know that this situation can not continue. If the children were in the house on this occasion, then yes it will be referred to SS. They will want to know what measures you are putting in place to keep yourself and the children safe.

It's a horrible situation to be in OP. I really hope you are able to get support and help in rl. Keep posting, we will listen and hand hold.

How did he know your PIN number?

Should I phone them now?

Yes, I think it is still theft as he took the money without permission, unless its a joint account, in which case, it wouldnt be.

Hope you're ok as you can be op, make sure doors n windows are locked.

Women's Aid I mean?

Yes

I think you're unlikely to be able to prove theft not because of your relationship but because you voluntarily let him have the PIN.

You need to call the police again - you are at risk. I think you are meant to ask to put through to the duty DV officer, but others will know for sure.

He's not losing control, btw - that's what abusers want you to think. It means he can't 'help it'. Bullshit. As you say, he was watching your face for a reaction the whole time he was trying to batter your window in. It's calculated to scare you into submission.

Please do phone Women's Aid as well. Abuse often escalates during pregnancy and you need to get away.

Yes, phone WA now. and phone the police again and ask for your number to be flagged so that if you call them again, they treat you as a high priority.

WA is busy. They said to leave a message but I didn't know what to say so hung up.

How do I explain that I have been stupid enough to bring this all on myself once again.

Practically everyone who phones them has a story similar to yours. They won't bat an eyelid.

I can't get away. I've tried. I'm tied to this house.

Phone WA back. Leave a message. Tell them what you have told us. You did not do this, he did.

When you are safe and away from him, that will be the time to start asking yourself questions about why you went back and a good counsellor can help you with this. Today is not the time. Your priority is to make sure you and the children are safe. Call the police again. Make sure they are treating this as DV and not just as a theft. Focus on that for now.

He did this, not you. He knows what he's doing. He can control himself. Would he behave like this to his boss? If not, then he's in full control. This is your chance to get away from him, grab it with both hands.

You're not stupid. You're a human being who finds it hard to believe someone they love and who claims to love them can be capable of this. It's almost impossible to take on board. That's because you are a normal person who can't fathom this mindset. The two ways he behaves are so hard to marry up in your head, I know. But you're scared of him... and do you want the kids to grow up thinking this is how a relationship works?

There is nothing wrong with you and WA are set up to help women in exactly your situation. It's what they're there for. Please remember that. Your situation is (miserably) very common.

Also agree that you need to call the police again and stress the situation is urgent. You need someone there asap.

He is now phoning the home phone and shouting down it.

I'm not phoning the police again. I'm not even sure I should have phoned them the first time today. I dread the thought of social services again. And everyone, even my midwife knowing.

If he is continuing to threaten you PHONE THE POLICE! Then when he has left you alone, pack your bags and kids and get in the car. Is there nobody you could stay with even for a day or two?