Need advice quite quickly. Domestic violence involved.

[WhatAFoolAgain]

I asked h to leave last year after he held a knife to my throat. Previously he had tried to strangle me but I had never reported it to the police.

I phoned the police on the night of the knife incident but never pressed charges. Social services were involved but closed the case as they said there was no threat to the dc.

A year has passed. I have been stupid and have been off and on with h. I am 18 wks pg by him.

We had planned to go away next week with the dc. I know. I know. I paid money into his account this morning towards car hire and then he said he wasn't coming. Because I still had his bank card he came round to collect it. I had already asked him not to come because I knew he was going to kick off but he came anyway.

He walked in the back door. I asked him to leave straightaway. He did. I locked the door behind him but he came back and started kicking the door. I opened the window and told him to stop. He reached in the window and grabbed my purse. I shut the window. He grabbed a spade and started trying to smash the kitchen window.

I phoned the police. They are on their way.

He went to the cashpoint and took all my money out of my account. Then came back to the house. Banged on the front door and then posted my bank card back through the door. He sat outside for a bit and drove away. Is it theft if he knows my PIN number?

Whats going to happen next?

Are social services going to be involved again?

Am I in danger of losing the dc?

This is a joint house. I just want to move miles away from him. As long as I am around him I feel I will keep going back to him.

I am pathetic.

I hope the police have arrived OP and are taking your situation seriously.

Lurking here to see what happens but hoping that there is really no need as the police are going to help you with this complete maniac.

The police have been. Waste of time.

They said because he didn't hurt me its not DV. To quote she just said 'he was being an arse outside'.

He didn't do any damage to the window so its not criminal damage.

They can arrest him for theft but the most he would get is a caution and that still wouldn't get me my money back. In fact it would mean he loses his job so I would lose the CSA money he pays.

Unless he actually hits me again there is little they can do.

She gave me a card for the domestic violence helpline and told me to phone it.

At least, it will be on record that you called them.

I hope the domestic violence unit are more helpful.

Do call WA as well.

And think whether his CSA money is worth the hassle. Will he actually lose his job over a caution? He should have thought about it before.

If you want to move from your house but can't sell, would it be possible to rent it out to a tenant and you start renting somewhere else?

Rent your house out and use the money to rent somewhere else.

If he lost his job then at least he would be experiencing some consequences for his actions.

I can't get away. I tried last year. I am tied to a mortgage which I can't clear by selling the house.

Do you mean you are in negative equity op?

You are not trapped. But you do need help and so do your children. You need to ring back WA and this time leave a message. You can say your DP is abusive and you need help. Just that (obv you tel no too).

They will not try to force you to do anything at all. It will all be on your terms and at your pace. They are just there to support you. Please get some help OP. I don't want to stress you any further but it is classic time for abuse to escalate during pregnancy. You need to get help now before this gets worse and before your baby is born.

I can only rent it out if he agrees because he is on the mortgage. And then he'll want the rent more than likely.

Thanks for the advice on what to say to WA. I don't even know where to start so thats a big help.

Yes the house in neg. Equity.

The consequences of him losing his job could be awful for me. He has every right to move back in here because I haven't got an injunction.

You need to check with a solicitor. Possibly the bank as well.

There will be a way.

But you must be proactive in trying to find a solution.

Get an injunction then.

my dd was at school with a little boy who was very severely disturbed

he couldn't concentrate or access his education; he had to be constantly supervised by a TA; I have no idea what kind of future he has in store

he had seen his dad kill his mum

The difficulties against you seem insurmountable at the moment, but there will be people around who will advise you, you have to keep asking them for that advice and not give up if the police seem indifferent; tell SS, ask WA for advice on the practical matters- if they can't advise you themselves they can point you towards people who can.

Whatever you do, however much hard work it takes- it is worth it so that your children will never have to be in the position that poor little boy was in.

Hi op, I hope you are ok. Call the police back on 101 and ask to submit a complaint with regards to the incident you reported. What you reported to them absolutely 100% is domestic violence. As ex police, (very recent) I can say this with complete confidence. The threat of violence from a current or ex partner, is domestic violence and the attending officers have a very firm model to follow when dealing with such an incident. Ask for your incident to be recorded as DV, and for your address and phone numbers to be flagged.

You deserve to be happy, and not to live in fear for yourself or your children.

Did he pressure you at some point to hand over your pin btw? This, is financial abuse, and if you have it recorded by the police, then you may be able to present ths to the bank as grounds for them (poss as a goodwill gesture) to return your money.

Please do contact women's aid, you need help. I'm here to hold your hand if you need it or to talk.

You feel helpless, but you are not. Really. Believe it.

Phone WA.
Phone 101.
Find a solicitor.

WA will help you so much with support and advice. Take that next step towards getting your life back.

The first step was calling the police.
The second was posting here.

You have started your journey towards freedom. It's scary and hard, but you've begun it. Well done.

I can't get an injunction unless he harms me again.

I will phone WA tomorrow and leave a message.

It just seems impossible. Even if I do manage to get rid of this house, how do I move? I have no one but him. I can't pack up the house and move by myself. I can't even lift anything heavy atm because of being pg. I have no money to pay anyone.

I'm just so alone.

I know you don't see your way to a good escape right this minute, but you will have help. Sometimes it comes from the most unexpected places - I remember someone I only knew briefly from work who made a connection for me and I was able to house sit for someone else for 2 months in order to get out myself. I never would have thought of this on my own, and especially not that particular homeowner at all! But it was a lovely home and made all the difference in the world for me getting out. You can't predict right now, just get through one day at a time and get legal advice, etc. lined up. Just keep trying. You can do this, and you do have to protect your child.

I know I seem really negative about everything.

I'm really trying not to be.

I wish I could believe I can do this.

This pg is making me really tired, I can't imagine achieving anything atm.

You can do this OP. You really can. Maybe you've made some bad decisions in the past but don't beat yourself up about that. Just make sure the decisions you make in the future are the best ones for you and DC.

{{{{{{{{{{WhataFoolAgain}}}}}}}}}}}}

you are not a fool! You are in an impossible position! Esp with house just like me!

Police were useless too when I ex was attacking my home and trying to burnit down or break in whilst we slept!

You cant go to WA as you wont get the funding that others get 'housing beneifit' I needed to leave my home last Saturday night and they charge by the week and I was told 250 just for the night! It's distgusting!

You cant rent residential house out if mortgage company dont agree....like mine! You are in worse situ as joint mortgage with your ex!

Trapped is a mild word...Its imprisonment!

I am sorry to sound negative but you are stuck like me...hence I am up till silly oclock incase ex attacks this Sat night as he might have meant tonight not last week!

Contact victim Support they will give you CCTV this will keep the twunt away or at worst catch the DV behaviour! My ex stopped the physical attacks 2 years ago with cctv. You can get it inside house too hidden if he has key. He does attack other ways but sticks and stones I keep telling myself.

If you need a shoulder from someone who understands please pm me

Stay safe

xx

ps I had my locks changed by home safe for free. Ask victim support about this too but I think consertives stoppedthese companies. They put alarms on doors too so if door kickedit would go off. Trouble is wind when strong would set it off in night and frighten life out of me.

Oh get arson team phone your local firestation or WA should have the team number they can seal letterbox and put smoke detectors in if your ex is that way inclined.

It will take time to move just finacially alone so make home as safe as possible for you and your babies.

It is like imprisonment.

Sorry you are going through this as well CCTVmum, sounds like hell for you and really scary.

I just wish I could walk away from it him and the house forever.

You can go to WA. Funding is available where there is abuse.

you can walk away but the twunt will follow. Does he have his name on dc
birth certs? It will be easier if he does not.

You need to look after yourself and hmmm sleep!
you have lil one to think of.

please please look up Victim Support on google for your area or just phone WA or police for number.
the cctv will restrain him. Uou need to as this is last thing you need being pregnant.

do you pay your mortgage or does he?.

Do you get mortgage insurance off dWP?

I went yo my MP who wrote to council to rehouse me until I was safe and they could not. It all depends if he is paying the mortgage or you get help from benefits?

no their isnt funding Jux I phoned WA many a time when ex was attacking my home. I either got housing benefit or help with mortgage interest. I would have lost my home if I went into WA! Hence I was stuck.

If Whata is also getting DWP mortgage interest she cannot claim housing benefit and then cannot get WA free.

PM me if you ever need to talk What.

I am willing to sit and listen if you just want someone to listen. I'm also willing to give advice if you want it, although I do have limited experience.

Feel free to PM me where you live too if you want me to see if I can get someone to come over and help as I have friends all across the country who I imagine would be just as horrified and willing to help you with DC so you can get a bit of rest, at least.

Keep yourself well hydrated, eat and rest as much as you possibly can as you have to think about your DC and your little baby.

I hope the police eventually do something about this man because he is an abusive twat and I can't see someone like that changing unless they are made to change or more importantly, taken out of the situation so they have no opportunity to do what they have done in the past.

Thinking of you OP.