Thanks to MN, intimate advice requested re gentleman's "thing"

[ShyerHasBoyfriend]

Thanks to the massive courage MNetters on here gave me I have a lovely boyfriend.

Despite all appearances to the contrary, my slip of a paramour has the biggest thing I have ever seen. Like a 500ml bottle of coke (well, not exactly bottle-shaped but you get the idea.) Has anyone got any tips on how to a) play with it b) take it for hours?

I can't get my hand around it at all, and get lockjaw in seconds, so at the moment I am left patting it hopefully.

Not the height of erotica. I am out of practice with sex, let alone dealing with a beast like that, and hoping MNetters can sort me out again.

[DaleyBump]

I believe you OP. I have no advice though (sorry) as I've been with the same, averaged size guy since I was 14. Best of luck, though

[gotadifferentnamenow]

and

[KatyDidItAgain]

Daley just be thankful for what you manage to get your hands on, I practically had to get a magnifying glass out to find my ex's :)

[KatyDidItAgain]

Perhaps the OP needs to get her boyfriend the new toy that is mentioned here

Apologies to the OP on the other thread.

[FrankSpenser]

Oh yes, Katy! Me too!

I didn't "pat it hopefully" in that instance, more like pat around for it.

[mummylin2495]

Try sucking it with a straw, that may do it

[ALittleStranger]

He's not from Sheffield is he OP? I had a brief fling with a wee slip of a climber in my uni days and he had a coke bottle cock grin. I was never quite sure what to do with it either!

Hmm, when were your university days pushme?

[CrazyHamsterdisguisedasatree]

I'm currently getting very strange looks while im stood at a flipping bus stop laughing like a loon

[TrucksAndDinosaurs]

Ice and a slice of lemon?
blatant post for delete message

Ps: why do blokes think women want to 'take it for hours'? Recipe for cystitis and sore flange.

[OliviaMMumsnet]

Ahem

[TrucksAndDinosaurs]

Oooh, last in!

[KatyDidItAgain]

Sorry Olivia. ?

[MrsWembley]

[OhDearNigel]

Is your boyfriend your boss ? Did you harbour strong desires to lick his chest ?

[AGnu]

You know you're too obsessed with MN when you rush through putting your child to bed just so you can check back & see if a thread has been deleted before you've got past the first page...!

[MaureenDaly]

MN humour at it's finest. Would love to see this in Classics.

My only tip, and it's a serious one, for 40+ women, is that you should have grown out of referring to a penis/cock as a 'gentleman's thing' by now.

Thanks to all posters for the humour but I particularly liked hit it with two bricks

[QuickQuickSloe]

I misunderstood the size of the coke bottle, thought you meant a two litre bad boy!

[WeAreSix]

If you do practice with a coke bottle, please make sure the lid is firmly on!!!

[KatyDidItAgain]

Wendy, it could liven up the evening if they didn't, they could both have a pop at a bit of fun.

[StrangeGlue]

First world problem

I joke, and love the idea or taking it for a walk or it being a 2 litre bottle - now that'd be something to worry about!

[AnotherStitchInTime]

I recognise lala and Shyer from other threads so with that in mind...

In all seriousness any man worth his salt will put in a great deal of effort into making sure you are ready and also learnt to control himself so that he only uses what you can take.

Things to help:

Lube
Practice with a large vibrator on your own
Position - on top
Kegel exercises so that you can exert control inside if he gets carried away.
Two-handed with lube for bj and just focus on the head

[IAmNotAMindReader]

Lots of lube even if giving him a hand job.

There are no rules which say you can't use both hands.

Relax your jaw and use your hand as well when giving oral.

When giving oral concentrate on the sensitive areas where the foreskin meets the head and under the head and the tip with your mouth in conjunction with your hand on the shaft.

Lots of foreplay for you both, the more turned on you are the more you'll be able to take.

[IAmNotAMindReader]

*Tip/head you know what I mean.

[pushmepullyou]

Mid/late 90s alittlestranger think he's still in sheffield now though.

Tbh I've slept with a fair range of sheffield climbers and most have been distinctly underwhelming in the penis department!

[CatAmongThePigeons]

Hours?! You can tell its a new love. Anything longer than 5 minutes isn't fun now....