Would he really be that stupid?

[WheelWatcher]

I think I might be sick. I have worried about a colleague of DH who works in another country and I thought he was talking about her a lot. I told in I felt insecure because she is very successful and younger than me and really attractive but he said I was inventing things and she is married with two small children.
We are on put way home after leave in the UK and he's just told me that our eldest DD is going to au pair for her at half term.
I just feel really weird about this. My DD and I just argue a lot and she and DH have for t the journey getting excited about the trip and Sauk v how great and cool this woman is, how cute the kids are, what fun she will have. He didn't really discuss it with me but he says she's going yo ring me to talk about it this week.
I don't want her to go but I don't think they'll listen because I'm just bring jealous.
I hate this feeling. I think he really likes her.

Wheelwatcher for someone who doesn't feel they have much to offer the world past a beautiful home and housekeeping (which in themselves are not trivial things), I'd like to tell you you have so much more- you are a very amusing writer for a start, your descriptions of your husband are spot on and very dry. I know it's only a coping mechanism whereas you must be sick to your stomach of all this rubbish, but you really have a lot to offer life and I'm sorry if your husband, and worst of all your children, have made you feel differently.

I'd also say that it is perfectly possible for men like this to use family members, because they are pretending they are not infatuated or likely to have an affair. I have a family member who always has affairs or infatuations in plain sight and thinks everyone else is taken in by their trips, their helping these women out, the all hanging out together like pals, even taking the children over there to show it's all innocent. A genuinely nice person, if they developed a crush on someone else would do the opposite and try to put a lid on it. You know full well your husband has been having these crushes/affairs/infatuations for years and the only question is this time can you continue to put up with it (the individual I know who does this still does it even after being found out and kicked out, it's very ingrained behaviour).

I hope you do focus on your dd because I think you will have many more regrets if you don't about this than about your marriage.

You have so much going for you and the world really is your oyster. Your husband is a twat because he's devalued you for a long time and has not seen how you are very precious and a great person and now he's risking losing all that (flowers will not paper the cracks) because of his twattishness.

I wish you all the best and keep posting!

Wheel watcher, she was 11 when we eventually got away, and about 8 when it first started, my other dd only 6 and still a mummys girl. I gave them all my focus, and she just started to see the real me as opposed to the person her dad had been whispering in her ear.... The mad, lazy, gold digging, thieving liar ! I kid you not.

We are very close now and she has just passed 12 gcse's with a* , a and b grades! Meanwhile the visits to their dads trailed off and he sometimes takes them for a coffee!
The irony is he is still with OW but has been trying to reconcile with me for the past 5 years.....anyway he must have given up with me and showed dd2 a picture of another woman a couple of weeks ago ...... And on it goes.....