Would he really be that stupid?

[WheelWatcher]

I think I might be sick. I have worried about a colleague of DH who works in another country and I thought he was talking about her a lot. I told in I felt insecure because she is very successful and younger than me and really attractive but he said I was inventing things and she is married with two small children.
We are on put way home after leave in the UK and he's just told me that our eldest DD is going to au pair for her at half term.
I just feel really weird about this. My DD and I just argue a lot and she and DH have for t the journey getting excited about the trip and Sauk v how great and cool this woman is, how cute the kids are, what fun she will have. He didn't really discuss it with me but he says she's going yo ring me to talk about it this week.
I don't want her to go but I don't think they'll listen because I'm just bring jealous.
I hate this feeling. I think he really likes her.

I don't know what to do when he comes home, he's going to be really angry, he is used to being obeyed.

What do you WANT to do? F*ck him and how angry he is. What do YOU want to do when he comes home? Leave? Tell him to leave? Confront him about the whole shebang and try and get a full explanation/admission? Ultimatum?

Oh and btw - brilliant! Well done! Just keep at it. Sustain the momentum and get something out of this. Don't just use it as a relief valve before going back to status quo.

Well done OP, stay strong xx

I'm cheering you on, WheelWatcher. I've been there and oh, how I wish I'd been as brave as you're being, instead of 'putting up and shutting up' through fear for twenty bloody years. He sounds a prize arse and beneath contempt, trying to use daughter like that.

You're inspiring

Oh now I'm crying at all your lovely responses. I'm bit inspiring at all, I've been a forces wife all my life and believed that I should support him.

The DC think I am a wimp, they all gang up with him and tease me for worrying about name tapes and who's had lunch but its all I know and I take pride in it.

We've just moved again and I have made such a lovely home and it feels like a sham. I've been doing this for years, thinking it was my fault that all those other women were better than me because I wasn't good enough at what I did.

I'm sitting here looking at how beautiful it is and wondering why I bother.

He is very charming and persuasive and he always gets round me. Everyone thinks I'm so lucky because he's so successful. Am I ungrateful? Surely he should value me? I've given him everything. I wanted to start my own business bit he said it would be so disruptive. I have left it all too late.

Sorry there seems to be a torrent spilling out now my head is in a complete whirl.

You are no "worse" than any woman. Why should we be judged by what we do? Where we studied? Indeed, by how beautiful we might be? It's all crap. You sound like a lovely person that he should be proud of.

And it's never "too late". I left the UK for a new life at 49 years and 11 months...

It's never too late to be happy. I imagine you have raised a beautiful family, created a lovely home and been the rock that underpins family life. A lot to be proud off.

Maybe time for you to have that respect you so deserve and your dh to accept its not just about his wants and thrills.

Who taught the kids to gang up on you with him and tease you like that?

I think you've done marvellously well. And I think you should always, always trust your gut.

It's never too late to start fresh op, or to star your own business.

Well done so far by the way!

You're all right, I've been sleepwalking and believing that there were restrictions to my life that weren't really there. I have spent this afternoon reading inspirational stories, thank you all so very very much.

Y rang back! She wanted to reassure me that there was nothing going on, and that she would love DD to au pair and get to know her.

I think he put her up to it.

My perspective has changed so drastically today that it just seemed like an annoyance. I just cut her short and said I was busy, DD wouldn't be coming and not to call again. She started reassuring me again and I told her I didn't care if anything was going on or not!!! I was more surprised than anyone!

I thought about calling DH and then I just thought that I've thought about him for bloody years. Instead, I called my friend who has just moved and offered to help her decorate. It's what I can do, she's always asking for advice and saying I should do it for a living.

I've started thinking about ME.

Bloody terrifying, I might not be so brave later on!

Your post has made me smile so much for you Wheely. Well done you.

With any luck you'll have put the wind up Mrs. Love Poem and it'll be dawning on her that suspicious and angry wives might get in the way of her perfect life, especially if her husband got to hear about her activities. So she'll dump your husband like a hot brick.

If you followed suit, wouldn't that be a win-win?

Leaven!!!!

I suppose it would, yes.

It's all very complicated legally because of living abroad but I guess I'm not the first wife to have had enough of being made to feel a fool.

DH texted to say that he's taking DD and I out for supper. He often does, so I shouldn't read too much into it.

Did he ask you if either of you wanted to go?

Or did he just present it as a fait accomplis?

Hmmm me thinks DH is on a charm offensive. I think Mrs Love Poem has reported back and he is just a wee bit wrong footed. This was not how it was meant to pan out. You have taken control back and shown him (and her) you are no pushover
Just watch him try to sweet talk you round IN FRONT of DD.
Stick to your Guns wheel you have come far today in terms of self esteem, don't let the bugger put you back down

Thank you!!!

He told us [sceptical].

He started trying to talk me round and DD was agreeing and being a bit rude.

I said I wasn't discussing it, and DD could ask him if she wanted details but it wasn't happening.

I've nipped to the loo and they were both just sitting quietly when I got up.

They probably think I'm on drugs or something.

They can overrule me but I've been thinking about power today and what to do if they trample my feelings.

Thank you all for your kind supportive words. I keep reading this thread and feeling like I've got a secret. For a change!

Oh no! Have been creating a new profile (forgot password) specifically to post...was going to say..

Call me cynical but I recognise the type, so be careful he isn't hosting supper to get you in public and bully you, either railroading you into what he wants or making you look the baddie in front of your daughter.

And now I'm logged in I can see it's already happened. Stay strong, he's being an arse. If you need to, maybe call him out on his repeated attempts to railroad you without a rational, family discussion on the pros and cons.

Good luck!

Atta, girl - you're doing great. Don't weaken, you've got the upper hand and shown them you're NOT going to be talked down. Keep at it. We're all here for you.

"They probably think I'm on drugs or something."

Or they're worried because you've found your backbone? Great job, OP. Remember that you're a valid, confident person in your own right - not just a suitcase-unpacking, name-tag sewing mum.

Am shocked at your DD and other DCs ganging up on you and laughing :( Time to ring in changes all round, perhaps?

I wish I had seen this earlier coz I would have said DO NOT GO OUT TO DINNER WITH HIM TONIGHT!

Don't fall for it! Stay strong.

Wheel today you rock----or roll

scuse pun

Can l ask where "Mr Love Poem" fits into all this?