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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dp has just given me a complete bombshell

144 replies

jellyjelly · 17/06/2006 00:24

We have been together for almost 5 yrs and have a lovely 3.5 yr onld, we are due to be married in a couple of weeks and it has always been both of our intentions to try for another on honeymoon as carry on having kids. Have wanted another one since ds was a baby but was always told to wait till the honeymoon. He has now come out with 'i dont want any more and never have' I have always wanted lots since i met him. He said a week ago that we couldnt afford another one because of my work.

I have asked him lots of questions and he has done nothing to comfort me at all asn i am sitting here writting with tears streaming down my face as i am so upset. He has kept me waiting for yrs and now this. He said it isnt due to the wedding being so close but that he wanted to keep me happy so went along with this.

He was happy for me to start taking vits and come off the coil but now feel like an idiot.

OP posts:
looneytune · 19/06/2006 14:12

Meant to say, good for you for seeing the positives. Stay strong :)

looneytune · 19/06/2006 14:30

Sorry, just seen bit about meeting lone parents. Sorry I missed this before.

I suggest you post on the following sections on mumsnet:

Meetups - title should say want to meet other lone parents in xxx area

Lone Parents - this section is new, you could ask advice here

Parenting - you could ask if any of the lone parents have advice of how to meet others in your area

I have a friend local to us who is single with 3 kids. She's our age and also a childminder. I will ask her if she can recommend anything!

I've also surfed the net and found the following which I think you should go on! Chat to others who've been there!

\link{http://www.singleparentsmingle.com/index.html\singleparentsmingle.com}
\link{http://www.netmums.com/lc/singleparents.php\netmums single parents section}
\link{http://www.singleparents.org.uk\singleparents.org.uk}

HTH, will let you know if find any more but need to get back to the kids I'm afraid :(

Original poster
jellyjelly · 19/06/2006 14:31

things could have been changed with 14 days notice, fancy a holiday????? Yes i am serious not sure what to do with my future yet but it will be bloody good and i am going to do all i can to make it the best for ds.

He has to provide 15% of monthly salary and if i claim income support it comes out of the csa who takes it off him so it cancels out so 15% of 1966 pm anyone?

OP posts:
looneytune · 19/06/2006 14:32

Did you get my reply to your email about the holiday? Can't believe I've had to turn that down :(

ediemay · 19/06/2006 14:36

jj, I just wanted to say - good on you for your positive attitude and I really hope you find someone to go on the holiday - can your DS go with you? I am sure your friends and family will support you and be proud of you. You will meet someone who deserves you, not that childish, arrogant, snogging-in-the-toilets, text-messaging FOOL

Original poster
jellyjelly · 19/06/2006 14:41

I didnt want to take him because it is so hot there and dont know what the kids facilities are like as we didnt book it for that, i know there is a pool but not sure what else.

OP posts:
SecurMummy · 19/06/2006 14:43

JellyJelly, do you have a girlfriend you could go with - or your Mum?

It is a shame to waste it, did you look into selling?

looneytune · 19/06/2006 14:45

Jelly, I thought ds was going for some reason but actually, I think I agree about it being too hot. I really wish I could have come with you :( (maybe I'll hint to the mindees parents that I've just had to turn down xxxxxxx and see if they say anything! Wink)

Original poster
jellyjelly · 19/06/2006 14:46

did even think about asking her other half if he wanted to go but that is just mad.

OP posts:
looneytune · 19/06/2006 14:56

That's totally MAD mate!

How about that male friend of yours? What's his name? The one I saw when I came to see you in hospital?

looneytune · 19/06/2006 14:57

Or your sister? Actually, she's probably not able to fly is she? What about your mum?

Original poster
jellyjelly · 19/06/2006 15:00

Was very spur of the moment before i can sell it to mum and dad for half what it is worth the girl who was going to be my bridesmaid lives in portugal and said i can go there and stay for a few days and that i can then have the holiday that mum and dad were planning a couple of days later but they were going to take my son there while we were away.

2 holidays in 2 weeks not sure what to do about work

OP posts:
looneytune · 19/06/2006 15:07

jelly - been thinking about work situation. if you sell and rent, will you still be able to childmind? or is that what you mean about wondering what to do about work?

Original poster
jellyjelly · 19/06/2006 15:20

wont be able to i dont think, willing to give it up if it is worth it i can then train and work blimming hard at securing my future with darling little love of my life, can you go online and off here for a bit want to talk privately.

Everyone else can still advise tell me things.

OP posts:
looneytune · 19/06/2006 15:34

i'm always on email, is that what you mean? kids are shouting as usual but can chat on email.

bluejelly · 19/06/2006 16:10

Hi I only just saw this thread, so sorry this is happening to you. I found out my ex was having an affair when my dd was 6 weeks old. I had just paid a huge deposit on a flat we were supposed to be moving in to, which I lost.
Horrible time but in retrospect it was amazing how quick I bounced back from it. I was only 26 i see that you are 28 and I think being young helps. You will go on to find someone else, to have your dream wedding day and to wear the dress (if you don't manage to sell it)
He sooooooo doesn't deserve you.
His loss, seriously.

Original poster
jellyjelly · 19/06/2006 16:31

I am feeling better and i have started to get smiles from people now i feel more attractive than i did and that shorted hair suits me more than when i was growing it for the wedding.

The thing i am saying most as everyone has said that i am very calm is this minute iam ok but the next i might not be.

And i heard a song on the radio which said it get bad for a while and then i justsmile and it made me feel better then i cried.

OP posts:
bluejelly · 19/06/2006 16:36

You're bound to be up and down for a while, as your brain processes what has happened. I found I had lots of bad days and a few good days, then some good some bad, then mostly good occasionally bad.

It's a process and you'll get through it.

Original poster
jellyjelly · 19/06/2006 17:25

When did you stop crying as soon as you woke up, might have to rearrange everything as it all reminds me of stuff i brought for him but not that much that he brought me.

Going back to work on wednesday and she has been fab.

Have decided i am not going to go on the moon and will sell it spoke to a friend who said that i should bank the money for the hard times ahead which will happen.

OP posts:
bluejelly · 19/06/2006 17:32

Good idea to bank the honeymoon money.

Found the morning crying stopped with a couple of weeks, took a couple of months to remember how to laugh though. Six months on and it didn't really hurt any more although I still thought about it.

You'll get there too I promise

xxx

Original poster
jellyjelly · 19/06/2006 19:55

He has just gone he is going to live with her and maybe her son, i was shocked he turned up and he almost kissed me and her husband is applying for a custody order.

They both want to make a go of it, lots of other stuff from his past came up such as other affairs with married people which her mum knew about.

OP posts:
Original poster
jellyjelly · 19/06/2006 19:55

and i done so well only crying this morning and then i started in front of him.

OP posts:
Carmenere · 19/06/2006 19:58

I'm sorry Sad It must seem unbearable atm but believe me you will all be better off in the long run.

Carmenere · 19/06/2006 19:58

There is no shame in crying sweetie.

sanchpanch · 19/06/2006 20:20

you will be better off but i know it doesnt feel like it at the moment, its taken me nearly a year to truly feel that i am better off without my ex,

i still get upset now but its not because i want or miss him but i miis what we had, our family etc which is what i have always dreamed of and it was shattered into tiny pieces...

try and stay strong you shall get there...one day at a time

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