Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dp has just given me a complete bombshell

144 replies

jellyjelly · 17/06/2006 00:24

We have been together for almost 5 yrs and have a lovely 3.5 yr onld, we are due to be married in a couple of weeks and it has always been both of our intentions to try for another on honeymoon as carry on having kids. Have wanted another one since ds was a baby but was always told to wait till the honeymoon. He has now come out with 'i dont want any more and never have' I have always wanted lots since i met him. He said a week ago that we couldnt afford another one because of my work.

I have asked him lots of questions and he has done nothing to comfort me at all asn i am sitting here writting with tears streaming down my face as i am so upset. He has kept me waiting for yrs and now this. He said it isnt due to the wedding being so close but that he wanted to keep me happy so went along with this.

He was happy for me to start taking vits and come off the coil but now feel like an idiot.

OP posts:
madamechocolat · 17/06/2006 12:29

Jelly - just thinking of you Sad xxxxx

snorkle · 17/06/2006 12:34

jelly, much sympathy to you. Take care.

looneytune · 17/06/2006 12:47

I know, what a shock!! :(

looneytune · 17/06/2006 19:05

Have left message. Just checking you are ok mate?

Original poster
jellyjelly · 17/06/2006 20:40

Have got back from mum, complete shock finding otu mre details such as she went on his stag do, toook cocaine and that even his parents know.

Also found out that they have been snogging in the toilets in our local and they have been pretty open with it all.

Not sure if i mentioned this before all confused now but xdp invited her to the wedding and sher sent back a card saying all teh love in the future for us both.

Am selling a luxury honeymoon if anyone wants it, he still want to go with me.

He cant decide if he want me or her

OP posts:
Amanda1 · 17/06/2006 20:45

Jelly, I'm so so sorry that you're going through this now. But, as others have said, it's better that it's happened now than 2 weeks from now. I cannot imagine what you're feeling right now but so long as you concentrate on you and your ds, you'll make the right choices. He'll regret this soon as you said she was married and clearly she's not leaving her husband. I wouldn't get more involved with it by informing her husband. What goes around comes around and I don't think that anyone finds happiness out of hurting someone. The flirting/snogging/whatever they've been doing has been fun or dangerous and when the reality of day to day life faces them, I bet it doesn't last.

You deserve so much better.

Moomin · 17/06/2006 20:48

i'm afraid it's not upto him anymore cheeky f**ker and you ought to tell him so. If you have the strength, you need to tell him the wddding is definitely OFF, you have sold the honeymoon (even if you haven't yet) and he is to find somehwere else to sleep as you will not be part of this anymore. I really really really hope you have the strength to do this. PLEASE don't let this man have his own way anymore. Make some decisions for you and your ds that don't involve him and try not to let him wheedle his way back physically or emotionally.

if you DO waver, do as i suggested before and re-read all your posts and all the lovely support you've had from MN. Lots of those posters have been there themselves and have come out the other end. Don't let this loser have any more of your precious time or energy.

beansontoast · 17/06/2006 20:50

oh jelly jelly...im shellshocked reading this thread...Sad...Angry

can you go with a pal?...please please take soemone who respects you xx

take care
beans xx

beansontoast · 17/06/2006 20:51

here here [hear hear?] moomin!

HenniPenni · 17/06/2006 20:58

Oh sh*t jellyjelly, only just seen this, don't really know what to say except that in the long term you'll see that it was best to find out sooner rather than later.

Take care of yourself and your little one, thinking of you, henni

Original poster
jellyjelly · 17/06/2006 21:25

I will be strong, he isnt coming back and i will let him be a daddy as someone said which i was going to do anyway, no question he needs his dad end of. I cant forgive him and the wedding is off i called the venue today and i know it is better now than after and not being 2 divorcee.

He cant wisel in and i am gutted that he isnt here to bath and put ds to bed which he said he would, last thing was us walking out crying.

He is not going to be able to have a bearing on this but i wanted to know what he wanted, i know my mind and i have got stubborn since i got with him and i can hold grudges.

Have asked him if he want me or her, he doesnt know or if he wants anyone now.

OP posts:
elmie · 17/06/2006 21:29

Dear jellyjelly, I am so so SORRY! I have just read your whole story, how shocking! I really do hope you get the help and support you need. I think your better off with out him. Please try and be strong.
Your not alone+++++++++++++++++++++
Lots of LOVE+++++++++++++++++++++++

Original poster
jellyjelly · 17/06/2006 21:29

hewaswith her it was prearranged for a night of fun in a hotel.

OP posts:
wannaBe1974 · 17/06/2006 21:44

Imo this affair of his sounds extremely sorded and cheap. Snogging in the toilets in the local? Sounds like the sort of thing I’d expect from 16 year olds, not a 36 year old. And if his parents knew as well then tbh you are well off out of it. I imagine that him saying he doesn’t know if he wants anyone now probably implies that he knows this woman probably was just a stupid mistake and that she will never give up her family to be with him so he’s now on his own and he’s brought it all on himself. As for the honeymoon I would sell it on ebay and then buy yourself and your ds a lovely holiday with the proceeds. And if you have a friend who can do the ringing around the wedding guests for you then I’d make pretty sure that it becomes extremely common knowledge why the wedding is off.

Toothache · 17/06/2006 21:44

OMG Jelly!!! Shock

I'm sooooo sooo sorry as others have said. I honestly thought he was just having pre-wedding jitters. The bastard! Sad and Angry on your behalf.

anniemac · 17/06/2006 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

threebob · 17/06/2006 21:54

Change the locks.

He wasn't there to bathe your ds when he was "with" you was he - he was in the pub and then shagging until 3am.

Have you got a friend to take on the holiday?

Original poster
jellyjelly · 17/06/2006 22:33

wanna be i am telling people and making it clear why, i am in more shock about the hotel in barcellona and that it wasnt prearranged how can it not be.

Have thought about the ebay selling and mum has said she will give me a couple of grand for it but no more.

Have had all my hair cut off that i have been growing for the last yr maybe 2 so feel more like me.

OP posts:
beansontoast · 18/06/2006 08:34

strange how empowering a haircut can be!Smile

look after yourself...stay strong....thinking of you
x

fairyjay · 18/06/2006 08:45

Still thinking of you jelly as you go thru' such a tough time - but you will get thru' it, and you and your ds will have lots of good times together Smile

eidsvold · 18/06/2006 09:34

what a tough time you are going through - from another perspective - better you found out than after the wedding - I was married to a guy who had been having an affair with my best friend - we had been friends since high school - she was also married and was even my matron of honour at the wedding. The affair had been going on for a long time prior to us getting married and never really stopped. He left me after 11months of marriage and went off with her. I wish he had just backed out ( too scared) or I had found out prior to being married - saved a lot of expense, heartache and hassle. Thankfully we did not have any children together but it was tough.

You have a gorgeous wee boy to care for - sounds like not much is different if your exdp was out at the pub til all hours - very tacky, sordid and nasty - and whilst it is all raw and hurting - you are so better off without it all.

As to the luxury holiday - take a friend - ahve a blast - treat it as the start of an amazing new life journey.

Carmenere · 18/06/2006 09:45

You know one positive way of looking at this is that what he has done is fairly definitive. I mean it's not like he just pulled out at the last minute leaving you wondering. I know it hurts dreadfully but really and truly he wasn't that great a partner to start with (leaving you at home all the time ect)and a wedding doesn't magically change people. Soon now you will feel the veil of despair lifting and you will realise what a lucky escape you have had. So sorry for you.

heavenis · 18/06/2006 09:53

Just a thought regarding the holiday, can you get the money back.
My dh had this when his girlfriend called the wedding off the week before the wedding.(Luck for me she did or I would never have met him)
He went to the doctor and got a sick note saying he couldn't go due to stress and claimed the money back on the holiday insurance.
Well done for being so strong.

Original poster
jellyjelly · 18/06/2006 11:43

He told everyone he didnt want me to know that they had meet in a hotel room in barcelona. He is due to come round at 12 as i told him his stuff would be here.

Have changed one of the locks now.

OP posts:
Original poster
jellyjelly · 18/06/2006 11:49

that is a bloody good idea can you find out more details heavens?

OP posts: