and i have said, twice now i think, that i am sorry for that knee jerk reaction to your post springy. I reflected on how my post came across, and i have apologised for that. if thats not been clear then i apologise again. No i dont have contact with my parents. My sf is dead and my mother allowed him to abuse me, she stood there and watched him break my fingers (twice) pull hair and twist hair, spit at me, hold a knife to my throat, rip out my earings and stand on them (on xmas day - they were a present) and generally abuse and neglect me to the point that i was in hospital several times for injuries, some of which required stays in hospital. she also isolated me from other family and i was not allowed friends.
i had no clothes. no underwear. i had to beg for baths. i was in and out of social care. so i feel that my reasons for not seeing my mother now are for reasons of self preservation. She has sent me a message saying that its all water under the bridge. not for me its not. The damage done to me was lasting, and has taken counselling and medication to alleviate. the rest of my family is dead now apart from one half brother who is a heroin addict and lived rough for 10 years. (and yes i did try to help him, but he stole from me and used heroin among other things in my house. i tried contact again 2 years ago. it went wrong again and thats that. )
and, regards my OP, i also said that the following day i had gained a bit more perspective - on that day both children were pulling me in very different directions. DS has special needs that mean he operates at a mental age of around 14, but with all the rights of a 21 year old.
DD was being a bit of a brat as her GCSE results were due the following day and i think it was nerves and she was taking that out on me. She apologised the following morning. She also said she does not talk to BFs mum about anything personal - she also said that BFs mum enjoys having a girl about as she had 3 boys.
i tend to feel better in myself if i get things off my chest. thats what i was doing.
but i did feel that to suggest having a spa break with dd was in some way odd - well - odd. We do lots of girly things together - but i am not her friend - i am her mum. i say no when i have to. i have rules and boundaries that she respects. I respect her privacy and trust her.
once again, i am sorry that my post hurt you springy
your post had come across as harsh to me and i felt you didnt know enough to suggest i am always available. i do say no, but it tends to be me that both kids come to for most things. Im certainly not the "yes man" in our relationship. (thats DH role....he is good cop, im bad cop most of the time)
anyway. i hope we can put this behind us and you accept my apology as it is intended, and hopefully i can stop trying to justify my relationships with my children with potted histories that arent much fun for me.
during counselling, i came to realise that i did well to climb out of the rat hole i came from and lead a normal life, hold down a normal job, have a normal relationship and do normal things, and bring my children up normally. i broke a cycle of abuse that had gone on for some generations. I live on my instincts and the evidence is that i am mostly right to do that.
tongiht, i have been involved in a child abuse case involving cigarette burns to a very young child. I use my instincts for good and my background to help others.
i actually think that i have done ok.
i realise that i knee jerk where any criticism of my parenting is concerned because its the one thing i feel sure of that i got right - everything else i doubt myself and second guess myself because that was instilled into me at a very young age. Everything i did was wrong and ended in physical abuse. (im not just talking a smack - i was horse whipped for not washing the pots fast enough at the age of 7, so little i had to stand on a chair to reach the sink) so i grew up very timid, quiet, and walked on egg shells daily trying to avoid a beating that happened no matter what i did or didnt do. As an adult i realise that this was my stepfathers problem, but i was taught that it was mine.
when my parenting is questioned i react. i realise its not rational. i am working on that. its because i was able to love my children (my mother told me she could not love me when i was 10) and i have always been very instinctive in anything to do with them, and with them, particularly DS, i had to fight his corner due to his special needs, and still do. DD is much easier in most respects.
anyway. i will stop rambling and hope you might be able to understand.