Married but very, very lonely

[chestnutblue]

Hello all, I thought I'd put this out there as it's colouring every day of my life. I have a husband and our relationship is "ok" we have problems but none of the enormous kind but I am so lonely.
He is an extremely defensive person which makes it very difficult to communicate. His go-to response is defence and he finds it extremely hard to take responsibility for his actions, always believing that something or someone is ultimately to blame.
He's a good person and a kind and loving father but although he swears that he loves and is in love with me he seems to have no energy for our relationship, in fact the only real relationship we have together is as parents and occasional lovers.
I am so lonely I found myself searching the internet for platonic friends sites, then realised it is a partner's intellectual company I miss, I already have female friends, and so got a grip and decided to try here first.
Any thoughts, advice, similar experiences?

@Onlyhumane

Just a curve ball which may or may not be relevant to your situation.

Nowadays we have the chance to understand ourselves and others better given that neurodivergency is recognised and supported.

It might be interesting to see if you and your partner may be willing to investigate that avenue. She may not be able to communicate or process emotions in the way you would like her to.

After that, it would be up to you to decide if you want to stay with someone who cannot satify your emotional needs, or if leaving may be kinder for both of you

Could've written this post myself op

@Rockdaylia44 I'm sorry you're going through this.

I helped me to share a little on here and get some perspective.

Look after yourself

“I have worked incredibly hard to make my wording entirely blame-less but he still hears accusations in what I say.“

This is why you’re lonely.

@chestnutblue
you need to tell him it’s putting distance between you or it will continue on this road and won’t get better.
speaking from experience