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Original poster

Embarrasing sex question

35 replies

Thunderrock · 15/08/2013 11:50

Since the birth of my dc five months ago myself and Dh have not had sex until last night. Until then it hurt too much when we tried (which wasn't often...). It still hurt last night but was just about bearable. But DH could not climax. He said he didn't feel like he was inside me. Does anyone have any idea what is going on? I had an unplanned c-section, but thought that at least I would be free from problems 'down there' because of this. I also breast feed. And haven't really done my pelvic floor exercises. No idea if these bits of information are relevant. Anyone else experienced this?

OP posts:
Weelady77 · 15/08/2013 13:17

I can't help much but maybe try some lube but firstly get right in the mood Wink and always do your pelvic floor excercises every time you go to the loo(my oldest is 18 next month and I still do them)

Maybe your just anxious as you think it's going to be sore?

Sorry it's not much help!

SugarandSpice126 · 15/08/2013 13:29

Weelady have been told by healthcare professional that repeatedly doing pelvic floor exercises mid wee is bad for you!

Weelady77 · 15/08/2013 13:49

Oh is it?? I do them all the time tooConfused

HollieHelen · 15/08/2013 13:58

This must be really difficult for you and DH. You say you hoped to have avoided problems due to having had a CS, but if that's the case, why did it hurt so much until now? Maybe there's something that needs checking out?
If you haven't done your pelvic floor exercises and this was an issue you'd notice as you'd be peeing every time you sneezed / ran for the bus (bitter personal experience!!). If this isn't happening, then don't worry about that.
But it might be worth finding out the cause of the soreness / hurting 5 months down the line?

Twinklestein · 15/08/2013 14:16

I would a) talk to women who've had c sections & b) go back to the doctor asap. I've not had one, but a good friend did & it hurt for a long time afterwards & caused nerve pain longer term...

DaisyBD · 15/08/2013 15:17

I don't think it should hurt after a cesarean section (vaginally anyway - pressure on the scar maybe) - I was having sex six days after a section Blush but not after a vaginal birth with ventouse and episiotomy Shock

missbopeep · 15/08/2013 16:30

You mustn't do your PFE when weeing as stopping and starting the flow can cause problems with your kidneys etc. Do it once if you must just to get the 'feeling' of doing it right.

You should do them 10 times a day for 3 times ( 30 a day) . (not that I do but am trying!)
I can recommend a great website by physio Michelle Kenway ( she's in Oz) with info on this.

OP- even women who have had C sections sometimes have vaginal prolapse due to stretching of pelvic floor through carrying a baby for 9 months.

The soreness id prob from lack of oestrogen which is worse if you are breast feeding. best see your GP as they can give you oestrogen cream which will help.

BalloonSlayer · 15/08/2013 16:42

I have had 3 c-sections and every time have been hideously sore "down below." It felt like a layer of skin had been flayed off inside. Sad

I nearly went through the roof when the GP did a smear at my 6 week check with my first. He had never heard of someone having such pain after a c-section. But, as I have had it every time, I just presume it is hormonal. It always got better but it took a few months.

However I have no advice on the DH's comments.

Original poster
Thunderrock · 15/08/2013 17:49

Thanks everyone! Sorry for delay replying, has been challenging day with grumbly baby! Balloon, that is what it feels like, like skin flayed off and we did use lube, but it felt like it was burning when I put it in. I am not e sort of person who talks about sex issues, so unlikely to ask other women in rl, but may steel self to go to gp! I did mention it at a much earlier appt but they jus said it takes time...
I did find dh's comments troubling : (

OP posts:
DfanjoUnchained · 15/08/2013 19:14

Having c sections can still make your fanjo looser and means you have to do regular pelvic floor exercises. Get clenching!

BinarySolo · 15/08/2013 19:22

Has your husband been erm, using hand relief? If he's been wanking during your abstinence his penis made need retraining as likely he will have used a tighter grasp than a vagina will give.

chocoreturns · 15/08/2013 19:25

you should get checked for thrush. I had appalling thrush after my section, it was agony. I didn't have any symptoms other than pain though - no discharge, no itching. Only pain like you describe. It's been resistant to treatment and required a proper course of flucanazole (weekly, prescribed by the GP, not just an over the counter Canestan job). The constant pain has been a nightmare but knowing it's something as simple as thrush was a huge relief.

To give you some idea of the level of pain, I needed gas and air to tolerate a speculum going in Shock horrific!! But since regular weekly treatment for a few months, I'm totally back to normal. Your immune system will have been hit terribly by a section, because you are recovering from major abdominal surgery. Thrush can come about just because your system is out of balance and your sugar levels etc can all be affected by breastfeeding and surviving on biscuits due to exhaustion so it's not really relevant that you didn't have a vaginal delivery if it's thrush. Having a long term problem with it can stop you from getting as lubricated as you should during sex as well, so arm yourself with KY for a while if it helps.

If you get checked for it and have treatment, ask for follow up swabs 4 weeks and 8 weeks post treatment to make sure you really have got the bloody yeast out of your system. I hope it's something as simple as that for you!

turkeyboots · 15/08/2013 19:36

Breastfeeding buggered my hormones and I was given hormone pessaries to help make sex more comfortable. But it took 3 GP visits until I saw the nice middle aged lady doctor before I was told not just to stop breastfeeding...

Otherwise had no issues post section.

nancerama · 15/08/2013 19:50

I had exactly the same sensation and put up with the discomfort and dragging sensation for 2 years. When my AF finally returned things returned to normal.

I was too embarrassed to visit the GP, but if you're planning on breastfeeding longer term, a trip to the doctor would be a good idea.

Original poster
Thunderrock · 15/08/2013 20:42

Thanks all. Looks like a trip to doctor is required. Will visit a nice lady doc.

OP posts:
3girlsunder3 · 15/08/2013 21:47

Hi sorry to hear you're having problems. I agree emphatically with the previous comments re bfing - it massively reduces oestrogen levels which affects the skin & elasticity of your vagina basically it thins & dries. I had a smear after bfing for about 5 mths & nearly went through the roof so feel your.pain! I was prescribed a course of oestrogen pessaries which help with all the symptoms after a few weeks - please do go see your gp or family planning Dr. I think the whole feel if you inside changes due to hormones & maybe why your dh commented, sure it will go back to normal within a few weeks with a course of pessaries

3girlsunder3 · 15/08/2013 21:51

Sorry on phone & posted too soon! I had sections too & dont think you would have any physical changes vaginally as nothing had stretched. Well done for having a go!!

discolatte · 15/08/2013 22:46

If you found the pain "just about bearable" then I think it's just as well that your DH didn't enjoy it as that would raise alarm bells for me . Good sex is about empathy, sensitivity, tuning in to the other person, don't you think? You are concerned about his enjoyment, his implied moan that you are no longer tight enough for his pleasure. You are worrying about that when I think you should be more concerned with your own healing and getting back your capacity for pleasure. He should keep quiet about his own pleasure. OK, he's frustrated after 5 months of masturbation but he is not in pain.

RhondaJean · 15/08/2013 22:50

Erm disco in a good relationship it is normal to be concerned about each others pleasure as well s your own...both ways...

Thunder didn't say her DH was complaining but it's good that they have been talking about what it was like and I don't think your post was at all helpful. Especially as the conversation for the rest of the thread was largely focused on how the op can heal and repair.

DoveDovePigeon · 15/08/2013 22:54

Her DH did seem to imply she was looser.

Himoutdoors · 15/08/2013 22:55

Your DH needs to be told nicely not to say that to you. As you both readjust you need mutual support, kindness and understanding. Otherwise you will hold this against each other long term.

HaveIGotPoosForYou · 15/08/2013 22:56

I had a section and still find it a bit uncomfortable 4 1/2 months afterwards.
It also stings when he comes/when I wee afterwards have no idea what that is all about, but have nobody IRL to mention it to.
Don't know if it's normal or not, probably should've asked.
So I can relate to the achiness. Try being slow at the start as in really, really slow and gentle. It begins to get less achy and then hopefully he will feel it.
I think if you got into any stage of labour though down their could still be a bit looser than normal, although obviously not as much as if a baby had came out of it.

Vijac · 15/08/2013 22:58

Book a double appointment if you ate embarrassed so you have time to talk and not feel rushed. The gp will prefer it as they won't have to rush either.

BalloonSlayer · 16/08/2013 08:00

< cringes to write this > Thunderrock Maybe your DH comment was because you was still in discomfort and not able to do any "squeezing," for his enjoyment. Similarly, I expect you had you head full of a "relax, relax, I must relax down there and it won't hurt" sort of mantra

Original poster
Thunderrock · 16/08/2013 16:26

Thanks all. Think hubby has been a bit unfairly dissed by some posters here. I asked him if he knew why he didn't climax and he replied that it didn't feel like he was inside me. Not a moan so much as communicating with one another. He is absolutely not an arse in the bedroom. He's really not!

OP posts:
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