Ok, I'll try to keep this as brief as possible - but this will still be long - sorry!
In a nutshell:
- I split up with my husband just over a year ago due to many issues - mainly him being dismissive of my/others opinions, arrogant in many ways, didn't make an effort with my family etc. We aren't divorced yet, but I recently moved out and bought a new place. We have a toddler together.
- I met someone new (online) and have been seeing him 8 months.
All has been very intense and we have both been very happy together - in many ways he is the opposite to my ex - is good with my daughter, very kind, sensitive and caring, very complimentary on how I look/what I wear and how I'm the most amazing person ever, etc, we seem to have a real connection and as cliched as it seems, we've both thought that we're soul mates (I KNOW how stupid that sounds!)
The problem: I went on holiday to visit my family (with my daughter) for 2 weeks and he came to visit for 2 days towards the end of this.
He's met my Mum and her partner once before, same with my Dad.
The 2 days were very awkward - he was introverted, defensive when asked any 'normal' questions like 'tell me about your job' etc, came across as not wanting to do everyday things (like play on the beach with my toddler as he 'doesn't like beaches' - he did do it, but expressed dismay initially), was scared/stressed by normal things (like choosing what he wanted for lunch when out with my parents).
The visit culminated in an awful journey back home with him and my mum and her partner, when he was IMO quite rude to my mum's partner.
I expressed how upset I was to my Mum afterwards and she (and everyone else in the family) feels that he is just like my ex.
We discussed small doubts she has had about him/I've had about the following:
- He is 48 (I'm 36) and has been out of work for quite a while (with a few bits of freelance over the past month or so. He's in severe financial trouble (may lose his flat if he can't pay the mortgage on it and has credit card up to the max as been paying the mortgage on this). My family are concerned about his work ethic/the reality of him still finding work in his chosen field, which is quite specific and has changed a lot over the past few years, to the point where he is being turned down for the majority of roles he goes for
- Is quite negative about lots of things = things he doesn't like, doesn't eat, doesn't do...
- Proposed last month (I said yes) - my Mum worries that he never committed to his long term partner
- Is admittedly a bit set in his ways after being single for a few years (had one long term relationship of over 20 years but never married or had children)
- Prefers his own company to that of others (I've never met any of his friends and when I invited him to meet mine he cancelled as said he was too tired). He has said in the past that he is scared that people will want to take something from him/shaft him as it's happened before. In the time we've known each other he's only met friends maybe 2-3 times and he spent Christmas alone
- Is not family oriented and I am - when he visits his own family he won't stay in their house and always stays in a hotel. He suggested staying in a hotel for one of the 2 nights we saw my family, rather than stay at my Mums place
- He has had a problem with drugs in the past
- Not sure whether to make a thing of this or not, but it did concern me slightly - we were talking once about putting on weight and he said something along the lines of 'don't get big, I don't like them big' Half joking, I asked if he would dump me if I put on a stone or two, and (not sure if he was joking) he said he might have to send me away for a while
This has become really long without me realising it - thanks if you've got this far! My family are all saying he's the same as my ex and I can't see that he's wrong for me, but up until before this visit happened, I WAS very happy with him - I felt a contentment I never felt with my ex, he looked after me and cared for me - cooking nice meals, thoughtful little things - while I've undergone a stressful time at work/had a house move.
In many ways we are very similar - slight social nervousness (although I am much more confident than him right now), prefer our own space, etc, although I'm unsure if he has more of a problem than he realises (re the awkwardness around others).
Do I continue? (I can't quite bring myself to end it with someone who has made me so happy over the past few months, seems to adore me and understand me, and who I've had so much fun with)...
Thanks for reading!!