Im not sure whether I can press send on this. Theres so many details that could identify me. Im going to have to be really careful as I know several people RL on here.
Ok here I go.
I have two children, a toddler and infant school age child. Their father is a nice person. Hes a brilliant dad (this will be thrown right back at me, I can see it coming) but he is terrible, just terrible at relationships.
I met him when I was 17 and he was 30 (some 15 years ago). We have been on and off all those years. Hes never 100% committed to me in all those years. I have come to realise recently that Im in my 30's and Ive never had a normal relationship and I dont think I know what one feels like.
We havent had sex since our youngest was made. So a few years, we are not together. I live alone with my children. He is a free spirit where ever he lays his hat thats his home. He works hard and pays taxes but he doesnt officially live anywhere.
Let me really get this across, he does not and never has, lived with us. He stays the night 2-3 times a week comes for tea 4 nights a week. He has no post come here, has no belongings that are here, no clothes nothing.
But he comes here often to see his children.
Ive been deeply unhappy with this situation for the last year. I feel as though I cannot move on, have space, time away from him, be a 'single' person. Ive begged and pleaded him to see the kids every other weekend (as opposed to every weekend), Ive told him I want to be 'properly single' that I want us to really, really divide. I dont want him ever staying round any nights at all or coming for tea.
But I think he always thinks I say it when Im in a bad mood or something because he ignores it. Assumes the next day is a fresh day, my mood is over and he'll continue as normal. Im too tired to fight again. But it comes again every few weeks. Always it gets ignored.
Heres where it gets really, really messy.
My landlady works directly next door to my (her) house. She is an evil, awful woman, reknowend in this tiny village for being awful and Ive got on the wrong side of her (I had a very serious problems with my electrics, she sent an electrician round who found no problem (?!) so she sent me the bill for the work. I refused to pay, saw citizens advice and told her I sought legal advice). She reported me to the DWP for benefit fraud. Said my childrens father lived with me.
Im guessing she thinks he does, after all if she finishes work at 6pm each night she will drive past see his car here four nights a week and think he is 'coming home' from work, she doesnt know hes here for an hour. Comes, eats my food, puts kids to bed and leaves.
So I get an interview with fraud. Takes a while. Long and short of it, they dont give a shit what my situation is, or what I say. They dont believe he doesnt live there, I will be prosecuted "or we can end is right now, you can stop your income support claim if you tell me xxxx is living with you."
I refused. No way was I going to say he was living with me when he wasnt! I called Shelter and got advice, but the long and short of it is, I move my ex boyfriend in and tie finances or face prosecution.
After lots if tears and panic, I call up, stop my I.S claim and tell housing benefit that someone is moving in with me.
That was 2 months ago and Im so depressed. Im stuck 'living' with my ex. Im angry and resentful all the time, its not healthy for the children.
What the HELL can I do? I cant tell him to move out, and claim HB again because they will investigate and prosecute.
I have 2 choices - either save 2.5k and move house and start again, not let ex anywhere near the house and refuse him see the kids unless he rents a room and takes them there.
Or get a job (which will be easier said than done, Im caring for a toddler who gets higher rate DLA and the system considers me his career, he cant go into usual childcare because his very serious health issues,but hopefully will get better with that in the next few years) and find the rest of the rent that way.
Either way, Im stuck, my children and I are stuck my ex is stuck, we are all STUCK 'living' together, tied finances for at LEAST 1-2 years.
Im utterly depressed. Literally, on anti depressants because of this.
What the actually fuckering fuck do I do?