The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Off To Find The Summer Sun and Sobriety!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse :)

Welcome to the Bus, take a seat and enjoy the ride. We're a Bus full of drinkers, non-drinkers, those who are trying to give up for life, those who are giving up for a few hours because that's all that they can manage (which is fine!) or quitting just for today......

We don't wear Judgey Pants (they're far too last year darhling ) but we have hugs a plenty and tough love when it's needed. Which isn't often!

So, what have you got to lose? If you're reading this, you're thinking that you are no longer happy with the way you drink, which tells me that this is the Bus for you. :)

If you'd like to see where we've been so far and what we've been up to, take a peek HERE

And if you want to knnow why we're here in the first place, take a look at THIS THREAD RIGHT HERE :)

See you soon x

Hi ladame yes,and to be fair some people are perfectly happy to drink at that level all the time. I was for years and years but something changed and here I am sat on the bus. How are you,lovely? I'm impressed at the nights off- well done.

thorn - tell yourself that tonight is af and that tomorrow you can drink. Then eat something. Whether you do decide to drink tomorrow is something you can think about then but if you can manage af tonight you will be doing yourself a huge favour.
If you can't manage af then drink a glass less or half a glass less,it begins to help break the habit. Good luck!

Hello everyone,

Just a wee high five to everyone who's doing really well.

And a big hug to everyone who feels like they are failing, flailing, being weak..whatever...you're not, because you're still trying to change and sharing your deepest and darkest thoughts on this bus.

I'm on day 10 and feel a bit crappy. Have lost my sense of direction, not helped by the 'homework' given to me by my counsellor which asks me to mark my mood 1 out of 10 each day alongside what activity I'm doing.

Today: Activity: NOT DRINKING. Mood Score: FUCK OFF - I'll never get above 5.

Le sigh.

I'm okay though. Just feeling a bit shit, aimless, loser-ish. Sheer bloody mindedness is the only thing getting me through. That...and scones.

I said it before and I'll say it again - I'm glad you're all here. It feels like I have my very own Jiminy Cricket. xxxx

Well done ladame. I had two glasses last night and then just stopped. No problem. The night before I was sucking the dregs out of a wine box.....I just don't understand this. Wish I could find the strength to give the fucking stuff up.

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Gugg - My 'deep and mysterious' phase turned out to be, mostly, pms. So over myself now :) Brilliant!!

I'm glad you've spoken to DH too, my DH once said "I was overreacting/thinking about being addicted to alcohol because of something some stranger put on Mumsnet FFS" and then rolled his eyes. I think he'd had a bottle of red that night, to himself - oh and look at where I am now dear! so big, big huggles to you! Great post xxx

And to be fair to DH, he has cut his drinking right down, because he's lost his drinking buddy but also because I think he'd had enough of the feeling like deep fried dog vomit on a daily basis? Only he could say.

Dame - I think when you start the day with the decision made that drinking is not going to be part of it, it's 100 times easier, especially when you've had a taste of sobriety for a number of days in a row. It's fab to read your posts and just how positive you are feeling. Very uplifting! :)

Pink - oh lovely.... I'm so sorry you're feeling like you are. USE IT!! Seriously, grab it by the face and slap it! Bloody hard too. You know that you can do this again, you can get back to where you were, so do it. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for at times...... xxx

Rose - Can I call you that? I'm not sure your name shortened suits you, you seem much more delicate than a thorny rose :)

Anyway, lurk all you like, if reading these posts and drawing from them helps you then fantastic. Post when you are ready but know that you always have a seat on this Bus, as does everyone :) xxx

Baby - you'll always give back what support you get simply by posting and being honest. From the heart, from the gut, from your soul. Everytime you post, someone here or out there in the ether nods in agreement at how you feel, because we all have the exact same thing in common don't we? Well, apart from the fact that currently, we're all women on the Bus but also alcohol and our own personal relationships with it, our own journeys are so private and yet we expose ourselves for all to see every time we get pissed don't we?

Keep posting, when it feels right, post. Even if you wake at 3am and something comes to you and you need to get it out of your head, come her and post.

One of us will be up early I'm sure!!

Ma - you okay?

Glad - same to you and all others how goes it? Come and pop in for a while, say hi?

I'm off to take the lovely little Nemo for stories (Dinosaurs Love Underpants & The Gruffalo) and then sleep hopefully..... for all of us.

DD has a friend here to stay who I am rather close to, her real dad died a few years back and she struggles with life at home with her stepdad so comes here for respite I think.

She's lovely and always very respectful towards me and DH.

Anyway, I shall try to return before my eyelids glue themselves together!!

I hope you are all okay...... Mwahs xxx

mouse I'm fine. Just stuck in the same old groove.....

Evening everyone,

I'm quickly checking in, on day 4 today, first time I've got this far in years :) I am telling myself I can have a drink on saturday night and trying not to think about it until then. Provided I don't go and make up for what I have not drank all week in one night I think I would be happy with that - I want to get out of the habit of daily drinking (3-5 units usually) and not feel like I'm obsessed with the next glass of wine all the time.

I don't know if it's a coincidence but the last couple of days I've felt calmer and more in control. It sounds stupid but alot of the times just getting the kids ready in the morning, feeding the cats, feels overwhelming and I quickly lose my temper. I haven't the last three days and don't feel so stressed out. I've heard alcohol is a depressant but I've never know if that means it depresses the mood you are in (takes the edge of it) or if it causes depression?

I've also had more energy. Again i don't know if it's coincidental - I've been alot busier than usual and it has not exhausted me, and it seems like wine is taking up less head space. It's sort of embarrassing to admit but I spend alot of time thinking, will I have a glass of wine, when will I, how much will I have? I don't know if it's possible but I really want to stop thinking like this....

chippit love the jiminy cricket reference, made me smile. This may sound soppy but I get more understanding and compassion here than in my own home. I have spent the last few days busting my gut to cook, clean and spoil my little family, to show them how much they mean to me and nobody has bothered their arse. In a lot of pain with crohn's and had a toilet accident while going to pick my dd up from high school, had to rush into the disabled loo at her school to clean up (without her and friends seeing me) had my 2 year old screaming to get out and I was in tears with humiliation!!! Still had to rush home, clean myself up and was making dinner and picking up laundry off the floor within 10 minutes tears of pain and humiliation streaming down my face and no one even noticed.. I know I can blame only myself for the extent of my drinking but bring invisible and lonely sure doesn't help, I am not drinking but my emotions are sobering up as well as my body and yet the sadness inside me grows, thank god for this bus and tramadol!!! Xxx

chippit love the jiminy cricket reference, made me smile. This may sound soppy but I get more understanding and compassion here than in my own home. I have spent the last few days busting my gut to cook, clean and spoil my little family, to show them how much they mean to me and nobody has bothered their arse. In a lot of pain with crohn's and had a toilet accident while going to pick my dd up from high school, had to rush into the disabled loo at her school to clean up (without her and friends seeing me) had my 2 year old screaming to get out and I was in tears with humiliation!!! Still had to rush home, clean myself up and was making dinner and picking up laundry off the floor within 10 minutes tears of pain and humiliation streaming down my face and no one even noticed.. I know I can blame only myself for the extent of my drinking but being invisible and lonely sure doesn't help, I am not drinking but my emotions are sobering up as well as my body and yet the sadness inside me grows, thank god for this bus and tramadol!!! I'm sorry it's me me me but in the cold light of sobriety my dh doesn't see me, my dd finds my crohn's tiresome (and I suspect disgusting) and my 2 year spends most of her time throwing missiles at me, I'm scared just how crap my life will look without the ready brek glow of wine, anyway as Scarlett Ohara said "tomorrow is another day" love to all my lovely babes or should I say friends x x x

Ma - Huggles from Nemo just for you xxx
Chippit - day 10 is a usual one way or the other -high or low. Seems you've hit the low :(

Keep going, you are sooooooo close to the UP!

Baby - Friends, we're your friends. Sisters in arms, and of course brothers if any are lurking :)

You are safe here and you can post you inner most thoughts, no-one knows who you are, so let it out. That's the beauty of the Bus. xxx

I must go now.... super tired so goodnight lovely Babes, stay safe xxx

baby that sounds so tough.

ma many have it much much harder than me, I will get stronger and this too shall come to pass. I going to make a point of getting out of the house a few nights a week doing things I enjoy and leave them all to it. Also I want to be here on this bus helping others as everyone has helped me, I LOVE THIS BUS AND ALL WHO RIDE ON HER xxx

Ok, tonight hasn't worked so I will make tomorrow my Day 1.

My 13 yo (14 next month) has AS and she is physically abusive to me. It makes me feel like crap but on the surface I'm acting like everything is fine.

My mum and my sister just can't help. My friends are at a loss.

Drink just makes everything more bearable, but I know it doesn't.

Another lurker wishing to join the bus. I have read most of the posts but only had the courage to post when I've had a drink. I will hopefully speak to you babes tomorrow. Sorry for gate crashing, but really think this bus is for me.

You're not gate crashing Whatever, I will see you tomorrow?

Morning everyone

Thanks thorn. I don't actually feel too bad this morning but still pissed off I had ended up drinking last night. I was actually on day 5, but because my partner was drinking I joined him. My back story is when I drink I don't know when to stop and end up feeling shit for days. It's helped reading all the posts, plus knowing its not just me.

Morning everyone and thank you x Day 4/7 for me today and then I can make my weekend decisions knowing that I haven't drunk for four days and feeling better about it all. I feel calmer, my stomach is better (I've got a nasty ulcer from a very stressful time in my life and of course it won't get better because I keep pouring wine on it).

Something which has proved to me that I'm so much better without it (maybe one day I can give up completely sigh) My dd went out last night to a bbq and came back very late. The noise of the engine (and Pink blazing out of the window) woke me up with a start. If I had had my usual bottle of wine, I would have woken up with my heart pounding, sweating and feeling sick, and then being unable to sleep again with the wine headache and guilt and loathing for about three hours. But I didn't, I just went back to sleep.

Baby I'm so sorry about yesterday for you. I have a friend with Crohns and she has to plan her trips for just the reason you said. We talk about HALT on the bus, but I think we can add letters. B and I. BHALTI. B for bored and I for ignored/invisible. I think other people see us going about our day, not knowing the invisible dialogue going endlessly round in our heads, 'will I, won't I, how much? Is there any in the fridge? Shall I go and get some? NO, I musn't. But will one bottle be enough? Oh sod it, I'll pop to the supermarket, I need something for tea anyway, No I won't, I've got some eggs and then I won't be tempted to buy a bottle ..... and on .... and on ... and on.....

Chippit day 10 Keep on keeping on I'm sure you'll get the boing any day soon.
Mouse Have a fabulous holiday!
Pink, Guggs, Ma, Lon, Rose, Whatever, Greeny, Faire, Annie, Obrigada, Purps, Joey, Thisis, Harriet, Glad, Radiogirl Hi everyone and anyone else on the bus today. Have a good one all babes and be kind to yourselves.

Morning babes

Thank you everyone for your support and kindness yesterday. I managed day one and (of course) by 10pm I felt much happier and wondered why on earth I had spent the last 10 days drinking every night. I need to stay on my toes and not get complacent but very glad to be day two.......

And I feel so much better this morning compared to this time yesterday! I felt so terrible. I think my resistance to hangovers has dropped which can only be a good thing.

Mouse thank you again. I hope you're ok and feeling better today, you said you were in pain last night? Have a good day.

Baby so sorry to hear about yesterday. That must be so hard to cope with. But with DCs I guess you just have to get on with it and do the best you can? Is it always like that or do you have times when it is more under control? Sorry don't know a great deal about Crohns.

Whatever, you have done well, 5 days is really good. Don't dwell on one day that didn't go according to plan. Just try not to let one 'bad' day become 10 bad days like I did! Sorry I don't know you very well yet - how do you want to tackle your drinking? Do you want to cut down or stop altogether? Ideally I want to stop, once I drink again my consumption always goes up and up.

Thornrose, ready to try again for day one? How are you feeling today? I work with children with ASC who have been excluded from mainstream and I take my hat off to you, it must be incredibly difficult. You are doing a great job but you must feel very isolated. Stick with us on the bus, you are not alone here

Well done Obrigada and big wave to Lonnie, well done on your continued success xx

Hello to Guggs, Ma, Thurso, Purple, Silver (as was), Edin and anyone I have forgotten.

Keep strong everyone

Pink X

I see I have forgotten lots of people, Ladame has a much more comprehensive list than me! Thinking of you all and also well done Ladame, restful sleep is so lovely isn't it Xx

Pink - I would also ideally like to give up all together as I can't just have a couple it's all or nothing with me. I don't drink all the time but iwhen I do drink I don't know when to stop. I've always been like this, but I'm now in my mid 30's and want to really try and stop. Hope everyone has a good day.

Morning babes! Sorry bit behind so won't nc everyone but must remember to say thanks faire for your lovely comment and everyone else for your encouragement.

baby you poor, poor thing :( i really feel for you, how awful at school. You are brave and amazing for all you are dealing with. Sadly being a mum is largely a thankless task. It seems it's only when we don't do things that anyone seems to notice. My DH can out out when the house is a bombsite, return and it is spotless and it doesn't even register grrr.

As curry so eloquently put it sometimes being the woman in the family is like being at the bottom of a shit chute.

Welcome new babes, make yourselves at home . Today is a beautiful day and brilliant day for day one. It's only one day, don't think about tomorrow just try for today. Sending strength to you all.

purple hugs. Come and talk to us. Xx

Babes how do I name change for a different thread? I want to ask advice on something that would definitely out me. Fine for that subject but don't want anyone I know in RL to link back here. Do I need to set up a new MN account?

Good morning, rose you have a lot to deal with and wine can be a welcome stress buster, I hope we can help and support you on this bus, so many babes here can help. .maybe jump on, we're a team here, the more the merrier. ladame thanks for your support, love the BHALTI take on HALT, and your so right, the time I spent on thinking, deciding, worrying about wine have wasted too much of my life already, it's exhausting snd pointless, especially since I drank the bottle every time anyway!! pink glad your feeling better, it's such a relief isn't it. green I love your posts, they are always smart and sassy, I like your style. I'm on day 3 here and have mixed feelings, physically and mentally I feel so much sharper but I don't really like my dh at the moment, I reckon being half sqooshed do long, I never really noticed how little he puts in and my children need some discipline, guilt has allowed me to stretch my boundaries. I'm not sure my family are ready for the the sober me but I sure as hell am!!! Big hugs to all x x x

Mouse Thorn does kind of suit me as in RL I'm tough and resilient and I put up huge defensive barriers. I like being my more delicate self on here it's a bit raw though.

pink today is day 1. I've had really horrible anxiety today and palpitations I drank so much last night. That's a good thing though because it scares me and fear helps to kick start my resolve.

baby yes but isn't it mad that this "stress buster" causes so much stress Well done on day 3, that's my hump day, once I pass that I generally start to feel great.

Ladame that endless dialogue and popping to the shop etc is me, ugh, it's exhausting.

whatever day 5 is great. If I slip up around day 5 I sometimes use it as an excuse/reason to drink again. My usual excuse is, "We'll, there's no point trying to stop now it's [insert any day of the week here] I might aswell start again on Monday.

I will possibly struggle at about 6pm so I hope someone will be around then.

All the best to everyone else, I'm looking forward to getting to know you all.

Blimey baby smart and sassy :) must be the not drinking

I totally get how you feel without the alcohol it masks so much. Stopping drinking does not solve everything it gives us clarity, feelings, time to think and notice what is going on around us - Not always comfortable!

Again I think it was curry who talked about the inertia that alcohol fosters. (aside from the random flouncings I do miss her posts!) We go around sedated, accepting our lot and doing nothing to change things - sometimes being sedated and not rocking the boat feels a much better option than actually facing up to whether we are happy or not and changing things. That takes courage - but fundamentally why not pursue our happiness than live in a half life, drugging ourselves to tolerate it?

We are worth it babes - get selfish and put yourself first for a change. I for one am sick of always feeling at the bottom of the heap and am spending time and money on myself with gay abandon at the moment - it is liberating.

Another great poem which I think Isinde posted

And the days are not full enough
And the nights are not full enough
And life slips by like a field mouse
Not shaking the grass

Ezra Pound

I am all for a bit of grass shaking at the moment!

Thorn what can you do this evening to distract you? Walk, gardening, gym, wardrobe clear out, manicure?

I have often spent day one in my bedroom in pjs watching telly or internet shopping in bed as I don't associate drinking in that room.