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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Lap dance at stag do

549 replies

worrybynature · 04/08/2013 10:16

I'm getting married a week today. Dp's stag was last night. He knows how I feel about strippers, and that I don't agree with it. He had a lap dance in a stretch hummer. I feel disgusted thinking about a naked woman grinding on his lap- I feel like he has been unfaithful. How do I get over this?

OP posts:
MadAboutHotChoc · 05/08/2013 17:08

I do get why you want to go ahead with the wedding.

To create as many happy memories as possible, the best man really needs to be banned - his smug presence will mar the whole occasion which is supposed to be the best day of your life.

Good luck.

Darkesteyes · 05/08/2013 17:44

EzioMon 05-Aug-13 14:55:12

As long as DP and the others know, that if that happens again, then theres trouble.

I cant speak for anyone else on here but i couldnt be in a marriage where i was looking over my shoulder waiting for the next thing to happen and i certainly couldnt be in a marriage where i had to police and micro manage and have to constantly check up on what the DH is up to with his so called "friends" I would find marriage to someone who behaves like a naughty boy a complete turn off tbh.

Darkesteyes · 05/08/2013 17:45

YY BelaLugosi

XiCi · 05/08/2013 17:58

I really don't get the obsessing over what the strippers look like. What difference does it make. So its ok if he 'licked the minge' of an ugly stripper? Its somehow more tolerable if a fat ugly person was the one with her tits in your DH face?
How incredibly sad

Original poster
worrybynature · 05/08/2013 17:59

He didn't lick her minge...

OP posts:
mamas12 · 05/08/2013 18:00

I too am sorry this has happened
Make sure it is condition that the best man apologises in person to you ant the very least and make sure any reference/ sniggering behind your back type if blatant disrespect will not be tolerated especially on the day itself
Good luck

clam · 05/08/2013 18:29

What value is his apology if he doesn't think what he did was wrong? And that you've been over-reacting?

Anyway, you've decided to overlook it. see you back here in due course.

Ezio · 05/08/2013 18:35

Dark Its her choice to marry him still, shes made her feelings clear, and shes decided to go ahead with the wedding.

We can advise and support, we cant tell her what to do.

shameshame · 05/08/2013 18:36

oh worry Smile

OP has made her decision, and she knows her OH better than any of us! I don't see the point in taunting her on the run up to her wedding with these little digs.

clam · 05/08/2013 18:39

Yeah shame you're probably right. I just can't help feeling that she's taking the perceived easier way out now, which is to stick her head in the sand, but that it is likely to rear its ugly head again in the future.

But, as you say, it's her decision. She knows more of the whole picture than we do, of course.

And I want to smack her OH, and his BM even harder!

Darkesteyes · 05/08/2013 18:42

I wasnt telling her what to do i was saying what i couldnt do. Which is why i started that post "I cant speak for anyone else on here" Still didnt stop me being gaslighted on here again though!

Darkesteyes · 05/08/2013 18:43

Anyway Good Luck OP I hope he grows up and that he and the BM start treating you with some respect.

Ezio · 05/08/2013 18:54

Sorry Dark, didnt mean to upset you,

clam · 05/08/2013 18:57

Pisses me off no end that that BM is going to be schmoozing around at the wedding smirking! Can't you at least get him binned?
And I'd want proof that those photos were deleted.

mcmooncup · 05/08/2013 19:18

The fact they even took photos is just another cringe in the story.

Good luck OP.

mamas12 · 05/08/2013 19:21

I've been thinking some about the downright disrespect that's been shown to you and I hope you have given your Stbdh Conditions.
Mine would be
Making him aware how hurt and disrespected you feel and if he would like the marriage, never mind the wedding, to go ahead then this is what he needs to do

  1. Every photo hunted down and deleted
  2. NO mention of that night to be even hinted at by anyone especially the vile sounding BM
  3. If your Stbdh cannot guarantee the BM can do this then he is very welcome to find another BM
  4. If you are disrespected on your wedding day then either the BM leaves or you will - I would if it was me

His choice then whether or not it all goes ahead
Good luck

curlew · 05/08/2013 19:23

It will be mentioned in the best man's speech. Guaranteed. Because that the best man is still the best man has shown him that he can do and say absolutely anything he likes.

Lazyjaney · 05/08/2013 20:06

Good on you OP, rational decision, and ignore the thread bitter enders.

Goodadvice1980 · 05/08/2013 20:19

Denial is not just a river in Egypt!

NotConnie · 05/08/2013 20:45

I too hope that conditions have been set by OP, although I fear not.
And with regard to the pics...well they were probably shared immediately and by now could be anywhere.

HaveIGotPoosForYou · 05/08/2013 21:06

I hope he has learnt his lesson.
It's disgusting for anyone to pay for services like this but it's not like the groom paid for it himself.
It just makes him easily led which is worrying really and it would make me think a lot less on the best man as he sounds like a complete eejit.
I'd feel a lot happier if your DP was saying he felt it was wrong then I'd definitely say moving onward and upward was a good idea but of course he hasn't.
Perhaps in a few years when he's older and wiser he may think differently - I hope so.
But honestly if the best man causes any more trouble don't feel obliged to just sit there and put up with it because you don't have to. My friend I mentioned above had a friend (who I used to be in a semi involved way with, stupid me) was the one who bought him to the strip club. He also caused trouble by pulling a condom out at the wedding reception infront of the bride's parents who are in their mid 60s and not impressed in the slightest. It wasn't funny and he wouldn't apologise for offending, because he is a 'why should I' type person so he just kicked off and ended up getting chucked out so therefore ruining the rest of the party as it sent an argument between the bride and the groom that night as well as him asking me to take sides which I wasn't willing to do and I honestly saw that they both were being a bit stupid about things.
Anyway I digress, just pointing out that sometimes someone can be a great friend to someone but at the end of the day if you know they are going to cause trouble you do have to put your foot down. If the best man genuinely seems remorseful and is just a bit of an immature fellow especially while drunk, hopefully you can get past it with him too if this really wont be repeated especially at the wedding; perhaps he doesn't have much experience with ladies?
Anyway wish you the best of luck with your wedding I am sure it'll be an amazing day :)

Darkesteyes · 05/08/2013 21:17

My apologies Ezio i probably over reacted Sorry. Its a very emotive subject and the thought of the BM standing at the altar grinning makes my teeth itch.

But it is OPs decision.

Darkesteyes · 05/08/2013 21:23

Poos i was reading a wedding special in a mag a few months back. It was about what had gone wrong at weddings

In one case during the best mans speech he said "As you enjoyed yr stag night so much we have arranged for the stripper to be here tonight" and in she walked to the reception.

Your BM here sounds similar to this arsehole.

Darkesteyes · 05/08/2013 21:23

Sorry i meant the OPS DHS BM.

HaveIGotPoosForYou · 05/08/2013 21:27

Unfortunately darkest it sounds sound a lot like him.

He seems to think objectifying women is just the way things are and there isn't anything wrong with it, it's nothing personal to me or any other woman.

Except my friends wife of course, who is a 'fat bitch' apparently.

Very charming man, why I ever liked him I don't know perhaps because I was 16 and he was 24?

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