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Original poster

The Dating Thread - episode 60

999 replies

Djangounhinged · 31/07/2013 17:21

If I may?

OP posts:
Kirstywirsty · 07/08/2013 21:47

FoF paid for 2 lunches and a dinner and brought champagne on Sunday.. I've paid for groceries for dinner a couple of times and a pub dinner .. We will just take it in turns .. He earns more but pays 2 mortgages ( pays everything for ex).. Don't think I've ever been happier Grin

KinNora · 07/08/2013 21:55

Brief visit to mwwwahhhh at the thread and Grin x 1,000 for Kirsty

Hamwidgeandcheps · 07/08/2013 22:02

Glaswegian biker sounds great Grin

I was looking at the dating for parents site a pp mentioned

OhWesternWind · 07/08/2013 22:13

Never looked at that one Ham but it's probably PoF and okc that get the most traffic if you need to find a few possibilities.

OhWesternWind · 07/08/2013 22:14

He sounds lovely Kirsty - so pleased it's all working out for you.

scrazy · 07/08/2013 22:22

I will happily let a man treat me. If we go out for dinner then I will buy a couple of drinks afterwards and let them pay for the meal. If we go to the cinema, I will buy the ice cream or popcorn. If it's a first date then I'm Ok with someone buying me a coffee. I used to be far more militant in my younger days and didn't like men treating me but have mellowed with age.

Saying this I am a self providing independent woman and wouldn't feel comfortable, still, with having someone buy me stuff all the time, I have said no about this.

Kirstywirsty · 07/08/2013 22:35

I've asked FoF if he is my boyfriend .. He replied 'yeah..is that ok? xxxx' Grin

Original poster
Djangounhinged · 07/08/2013 22:47

Kirsty that is fantastic Grin!

OP posts:
Hamwidgeandcheps · 07/08/2013 22:50

Yay for boyfriends Grin

scrazy · 07/08/2013 22:50

Kirsty Smile, the boyfriend label is important. Even if he is too old to be a boy Grin.

Ponders on why I'm never labelled the girlfriend anymore, I used to be when younger and would still love to be again.

OhWesternWind · 07/08/2013 22:55

I think I'm too old to be a girlfriend Sad

TheTitleSaysItAllReally · 07/08/2013 22:59

It seems I'm not too old Smile

Original poster
Djangounhinged · 07/08/2013 23:04

Well the postie is so yesterday... Was sagely giving out advice on another thread about polite but disinterested texters, and realised that's all he is.....

Meanwhile, have had a rollicking good conversation with late night chat man, we've exchanged numbers and we're going to speak on the phone tomorrow, with a view to arranging a date! I've never spoken to an online date before meeting them, so I'm quite apprehensive... But v excited! He's quite assertive, which is just what I like... Oh, and he's not a doctor Grin

OP posts:
48howdidthathappen · 07/08/2013 23:07

Thrilled for you Kirsty

I like to pay my way. Not in a methodical 50/50 way, in a he pays for A, so I pay for B way.

OWW Yes I wish there were more grown up sounding terms. I always feel a little odd saying 'my boyfriend' Confused

OhWesternWind · 07/08/2013 23:15

Ooh Django this is sounding good! I would never do the phone chats, hate talking on the phone to people I don't know though I'm fine face to face. A bit of assertiveness is always good too.

Oh, the woo is wafting ... Grin

MirandaWest · 07/08/2013 23:16

I find boyfriend and girlfriend sounds a little teenager like but Mr Nice isn't a DP (think living together could alter that?)
Suppose I could just refer to him as my lover Wink

48howdidthathappen · 07/08/2013 23:22

I refer to Mr R&R as my crazy sex maniac Grin Not a term I could use in company.

JoAlone · 07/08/2013 23:39

Thanks everyone, that sort of helps. One of the other reasons I stopped dating is because I am in the unfortunate position of being a single parent of a teenager and my ex left me with debt. I am a professional, but in the NHS, so.... I am permanently skint regardless of how hard I work. I work most weekends to make ends meet, so paying for a 'potential's' dinner, when I am not able to spend much money on my DD is an issue for me. In my past experience I was upfront about my financial situation from the moment they started to look interested, and made it clear that whereas I wouldn't be able to pay for restaurant meals or take them out to shows etc, I could happily make a dinner (although that has now become an issue as DD is with me 24/7) or buy them coffee or a couple of drinks. On the one hand I think it would be so lovely to meet someone and share expenses, if I was in a double income relationship, things would be O.K. as I would want to bring equally to the relationship, but I find most guys I want to date are used to going out to dinner and it doesn't really affect their bank balance, whereas for me, it's a huge sacrifice financially. I don't feel sexually indebted to them, as I said, on balance in my past relationships I have taken them out for a coffee or made them a meal, or baked them something.

DD is going to yr 11, so we have a few expensive years ahead of us. Just feels like it knocks me out of the running as it were, very depressing.

Don't misunderstand my intent, I am not trying to find a rich husband, or money grabbing, I would just love to find someone to spend time with and not be alone for the rest of my life. I am a hard worker, always have been. I thought other MN's on here might be in the same position as me, and might be able to give me their views on how they navigated this murky water, but most posters seem to be in a better position, so not an issue.

Thanks for the input. Night.

DadfromUncle · 08/08/2013 00:09

Just caught up with everything - wow. Slightly later hours today - my boss is in Florida and HQ is in California.
Jo Sorry - my "question" about personality flaws was a poor attempt at humour - I do have some like anyone, but not going to get too hung up on that.
As for the date/money/who pays - don't get too hung up on it. A nice guy will understand and you can work it out. I wouldn't be too thrilled (who would) about someone obviously taking the mickey, but you so clearly aren't. I rekindled a thing with a childhood sweetheart (it didn't work out but that's another story) some while ago and she's slogged it out in the NHS for her whole life, brought up two lovely kids but never has 2p to rub together - we just used to do stuff that didn't cost too much.

Glad so many people have fallen for my kitchen - maybe I'll just leave me out altogether when I redo the pictures - maybe I could write the profile as "kitchen seeks woman for male owner" or something. Or maybe not.

AWarmFuzzyFuture · 08/08/2013 06:13

Morning All!

Am up to date but a little late getting ready for work.

@Jo, I am not financially well off I think at all...my best dates involve walking and picnics, or museums or bedrooms!. I pay my own way and will do until I get to the being in a settle relationship stage. I only drink Soda water on a date especially if I drive, many pubs don't charge, add ice and a slice of lemon it looks classyWink

I have 3 older children who ingest money...

@DFU I hope you're joking re:kitchen profile...It's been done and it's not a good idea.

I like the idea of being someone's girlfriend...WFF looks wistful.

Have (probably) two dates next week.

AWarmFuzzyFuture · 08/08/2013 06:15

A lowly (but utterly fantastic) NHS worker too

48howdidthathappen · 08/08/2013 07:29

Jo I am skint. I don't do dinner (small d) as find it dull. I would much rather have a meal with someone in their own home.

I am lucky as MR R&R on the whole is like me in that he likes the simple things in life, a bag of chips while enjoying a beautiful view Smile He did expect me to want to be wined and dined, think it was a bit of a bonus when he found out it was not my cup of tea.

My ex got us up to our eyes in debt which is one of the reasons I ended our relationship, not quite out of that shit yet, but getting there.

Both my kids were here when I became single, DS in his 20s, DD in year 12. It doesn't make it easy. When my son was here it wasn't too bad not being here for the odd night, as could say I was at my sisters, and DD wasn't on her own. DS then left for OZ. I didn't meet Mr R&R until after my son had left, by then my DD had a BF and she stayed over with his family quite a bit. I had an empty house at last Smile Quite often DDs chap stayed here so I then stayed at Mr R&Rs. My DD then dumped Mr lovely (her BF) but by then I was happy to leave her here alone. It can be a nightmare juggling every ones needs including your own.

Sorry Blush That was long!

Original poster
Djangounhinged · 08/08/2013 07:31

Jo , I tend to go for free/cheap first dates too - a walk, maybe a coffee. I agree that it doesn't make sense to spend lots on something that may not go anywhere, when you have other financial priorities at home.

And if your first date goes well, you can negotiate what you do next - if he invites you somewhere, I'd assume that he was paying for it unless you agree otherwise. Then you can offer something within your budget for the third date....

I'm with WFF, I'd quite like to be known as someone's girlfriend again.... Sometime... Smile

OP posts:
Flipper934 · 08/08/2013 08:01

Grin , Kirsty.

Jo, if you're worried about being expected to pay half for an expensive meal, why not just suggest a drink/walk as a first date, to see how you get on. That'll give you a chance to see whether you feel comfortable explaining that you can't afford extravagant outings very often, and if you don't, then it's probably not going to be worth a second date!

I am tempted to ask for DFU's dating profile details, so that I can go and drool over his kitchen. I hate my kitchen.

Third date last night Smile. Seeing him again Friday.

DadfromUncle · 08/08/2013 09:03

WFF Yes I was kidding - esp after you've all done such a great job rewriting my profile to make me sound normal. Also I hope it goes without saying that I'm not interested in anyone who only loves me for my kitchen (!)