I have not been rude, I have been straight. I am very long in the tooth with abusive relationships, psychopaths, narcs, etc. I also know to withold judgment - sometimes things are not what they seem.
What I see - brace yourself - is someone who insists the world falls in line with what she wants. You want a faithful husband, you are jolly well going to make a faithful husband, despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary. You may want to blame it on a psychopathic evil woman but imo that looks too convenient to me, things may not be as simple as that - the overwhelming tenre of the posts on your thread attest to that. Practically to a one, posters believe your husband is not the innocent lamb led to the slaughter you both have a vested interest in believing - he, because he won't take responsibility for what he's done; you, becuase you insist you will have what you want: a faithful husband, a good marriage (unlike your parents'). imo you have followed the pattern your parents modelled to you as a child - welcome to the club, you are not alone. Unfortunately, that's how it very often goes.
Life can be very hard and very painful - we can't force life to be what we want it to be, we can't force it to bend to our will. Just as you insist people post what you want to hear, give or take, you insist you will be able to salvage this, save this (as you assumed you were saving the vulnerable woman). Perhaps you feel you have the space to take on lost souls, as you are so sorted yourself. It is humbling to accept that we are not as teflon-coated and sorted as we thought.
you also change your story - minimising aspects that are written in black and white, changing the emphasis (eg your last post says he said one little thing once - then why, out of the things you could have highlighted, did you mention it in your OP?). You thread is not yours for you to growl at posters to follow your prescribed trajectory. The person you need to be angry with appears to be the last on your list - it's either the evil bitch who seduced him and made his cock miraculously hard or it's an anonymous poster who is saying what you don't want to hear. Neither is appropriate imo.
Your anger towards him may make you feel unhinged but imo that is the way to go, becuase it's the truth; and without the truth you will be meandering up endless side alleys, making more and more of a mess, getting further and further away from resolution. It may be awesomely painful to grasp the nettle but you won't die of it - though it will certainly feel like it at the time. There is something wholesome about the truth, it is clean, like a scalpel. You are not the first and won't be the last to have to the intensely painful truth. People will support you through it but, ultimately, you have to go through it alone. It may, at the same time, unearth the pain of your childhood and the shit your parents covered you in. Welcome to the painful club. The other side is glorious but you have to go through the shit first.