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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Oh bugger. I think I'm in love with one of my best friends.

335 replies

LucyWildelovesGru · 22/07/2013 20:27

I've known him for years though we've definitely spent a lot more time together recently. He's kind and funny and smart. We get on incredibly well, we spend loads of time together and we never run out of things to say. We've got loads in common, and lots of mutual friends - he's perfect. I even like his parents.

And now I think I've fallen for him. We went to a wedding two weekends where neither of us knew many other people - as a result, we spent most of the time together and had a lovely time. And when I got home, I realised I don't want to just be friends any more, and I keep thinking about him and how much fun we had.

I can't believe I've gone and done this - he's so much a part of my life, and now I've got to either tell him how I feel and ruin the friendship if it's not reciprocated, or do nothing and try and get over it. Or, I suppose, hang around in the hope that he feels the same way. But I don't have any real evidence that he does.

I have absolutely no idea how to go about this - I've even been googling "ways to tell if he fancies you" which is absurd given my age and the fact that all the articles say things like "try and sit next to him in class and see what happens". But I've never been in this situation before - got married at 25 to the boy I'd been going out with since school, and haven't dared go on a date since we split up two years ago.

I know he isn't dating anyone else, and that he hasn't had a serious relationship since his girlfriend died about five years ago. But that doesn't mean he's interested in me, of course.

Please, tell me to get a grip and get on with my life. Or to get a grip and tell him how I feel. Or give me a list of "ten ways to tell if a forty something bloke who's unfailingly polite and interested in everyone he encounters likes you more than he likes other people" so I can work out whether he likes me back.

OP posts:
spacegirl81 · 06/08/2013 22:16

Shameless marking Grin good luck OP Grin

MadeMan · 06/08/2013 22:29

magimedi - "3. He will not notice your hair - blokes never do."

Most of the time we probably do notice, but it always seems a bit naff to let you women know that we've noticed. Plus, some women change their hair all the time and surely it would get annoying if men were always noticing and telling you. Well, that's my excuse anyway. Wink

FrankSpenser · 06/08/2013 22:33

Humph. Tis like the countdown to Christmas. It's only Tuesday!!

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper · 06/08/2013 22:56

Good luck Lucy - I know you don't want us to get over-excited, but this is very promising!

DH and I were friends for 3 or 4 years before we got together. I'd split up with my ex and we found ourselves hanging out more and more. One day we were at the pub with friends and were finishing each other's sentences and basically just totally being on each other's wave length, when he whipped off a ring he used to wear with a flourish, and joke proposed to me. A couple of months later after an impromptu alcohol-feuled raucous dinner together, we ended up back at his house. We've been together nearly 10 years, married 6, and with two DC.

And the bottom line is that whenever we go through tough times, it's our friendship and our genuine liking (not just loving) of each other that gets us through.

I have my fingers crossed for you. :)

readyforno2 · 11/08/2013 14:41

Good luck for tonight op!

kalidanger · 11/08/2013 17:07

Shamelessly marking place too Wine

magimedi · 11/08/2013 17:11

Oh I hope it all goes well.

And that you update as soon as you can!

DameFanny · 11/08/2013 17:20

Ooh I'm glad I didn't open this thread til today. Good luck for tonight...

coffeewineandchocolate · 11/08/2013 17:26

good luck OP!

MexicanHat · 11/08/2013 18:08

Another shameless place marking!! Have fun OP Smile

TheFantasticFixit · 11/08/2013 18:24

Another wishing you all the best! Watch the Dutch courage though bitter memories and most of all ave a lovely night. You sound really lovely ThanksWine

VileWoman · 11/08/2013 18:40

Good luck for tonight!

Amiee · 11/08/2013 18:46

I think you know he likes you. IMO you always know deep down if its reciprocated.
Tell a mutual friend with a big mouth that you like him.

rosieposey · 11/08/2013 18:54

Shameless marking also ...

ChristineDaae · 11/08/2013 18:55

Iv just found this and dying to know what happens tonight!

LucyWildelovesGru · 11/08/2013 18:59

Disaster! ds2 has developed a high temperature and is vomiting everywhere and is looking very sad. I had asked one of the village teenagers to babysit, but I can't leave him with her as he's being really clingy and I'm quite worried about him.

I've just sent him a text to say sorry, and can we please rearrange. He's replied very nicely saying yes of course, and why don't I let him know some other possible dates. But this week isn't going to work as there are various child- and work-related commitments and then we are going on holiday at the weekend for two weeks.

I feel like crying. I was all ready for this, and even I hadn't ultimately had the courage to say anything tonight, I did think it would be a good opportunity to see how we interacted. This can't exactly help my cause in the long term - it does rather remind him of the downside of dating women with children.

Do you think I could email him? I sort of dismissed that option a while ago, because I thought it would make it seem like more of a big deal than I want it to, and because I couldn't work out what to say, whereas face to face I could read his reaction and play it down if necessary, but I feel like I was all ready to move things forward a bit and now I've been thwarted. If I have to wait three weeks

This is not good. I'm going to open a bottle of wine and mope around the house sullenly for a while. Sorry everyone. You're going to have to put up with the agony of waiting for a while yet.

OP posts:
LucyWildelovesGru · 11/08/2013 19:01

See, I can't even finish my sentences properly, I'm so disappointed. I was going to say that if I have to wait three weeks I think I will go mad.

OP posts:
BIWI · 11/08/2013 19:02

Why don't you explain what's happened, and ask him if he wants to come round for a takeaway and a bottle of wine instead?

BIWI · 11/08/2013 19:03

Then you can jump him on your home turf

LucyWildelovesGru · 11/08/2013 19:04

I can't, ds2 is going to be up all night and he's really not well. I'm going to spending the evening cleaning up sick and mopping his brow. I can't think of anything less conducive to a heart to heart (or more likely to put him off entirely - ds2 is a dreadful invalid and won't be left when he is like this)

OP posts:
StraightJacket · 11/08/2013 19:05

Shamelessly marking my spot also...

Good luck :D

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 11/08/2013 19:07

What about the takeaway idea later in the week, then, when he's better?

Elsiequadrille · 11/08/2013 19:17

You could email him, I suppose. I don't know how you'd phrase it exactly. I do agree that face to face would be easy to play down if didn't go according to plan.

Horsemad · 11/08/2013 19:19

OP, just email him & put us out of our misery...
DC have a terrible knack of being ill at inopportune times, so this may drag on & on if you don't take charge of the situation.

stopusingmynicknames · 11/08/2013 19:21

delurking to say how i'm sharing your disappointment! But kitty has a good idea - takeaway at home later in the week?

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