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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Oh bugger. I think I'm in love with one of my best friends.

335 replies

LucyWildelovesGru · 22/07/2013 20:27

I've known him for years though we've definitely spent a lot more time together recently. He's kind and funny and smart. We get on incredibly well, we spend loads of time together and we never run out of things to say. We've got loads in common, and lots of mutual friends - he's perfect. I even like his parents.

And now I think I've fallen for him. We went to a wedding two weekends where neither of us knew many other people - as a result, we spent most of the time together and had a lovely time. And when I got home, I realised I don't want to just be friends any more, and I keep thinking about him and how much fun we had.

I can't believe I've gone and done this - he's so much a part of my life, and now I've got to either tell him how I feel and ruin the friendship if it's not reciprocated, or do nothing and try and get over it. Or, I suppose, hang around in the hope that he feels the same way. But I don't have any real evidence that he does.

I have absolutely no idea how to go about this - I've even been googling "ways to tell if he fancies you" which is absurd given my age and the fact that all the articles say things like "try and sit next to him in class and see what happens". But I've never been in this situation before - got married at 25 to the boy I'd been going out with since school, and haven't dared go on a date since we split up two years ago.

I know he isn't dating anyone else, and that he hasn't had a serious relationship since his girlfriend died about five years ago. But that doesn't mean he's interested in me, of course.

Please, tell me to get a grip and get on with my life. Or to get a grip and tell him how I feel. Or give me a list of "ten ways to tell if a forty something bloke who's unfailingly polite and interested in everyone he encounters likes you more than he likes other people" so I can work out whether he likes me back.

OP posts:
Twinklestein · 05/08/2013 22:18

I do think it's unfair of people on here to egg you on, although they're doing it with the best intentions, because I've done that with friends & it kind of makes it harder if it falls through.

I'm on the fence as he's given nothing away that is definitive. However, you are in a position where you have to say something because other methods haven't worked.

That aside, personally my answer to the clothing question is a great summer dress, casual but sexy... maybe a wrap or a tea dress... I find wearing espadrille wedges always make things look more relaxed...

magimedi · 05/08/2013 22:22
  1. Relocate to a pub that is not yr local.
  1. Wear something that you have worn before & feel good and comfy
in.
  1. He will not notice your hair - blokes never do.
  1. Yes, there is a chance it will go nowhere - but nothing ventured.....
  1. Update us late on Sunday evening - if you don't we will all be
imagining you in "THE CLINCH"! Grin
  1. Don't post here again or read here again (after my great advice) &
don't think about it.
  1. GOOD LUCK!! Flowers
Catmint · 05/08/2013 22:24

Wear something you feel comfortable in, and be recognisably 'you'.

If you totally change your style, you will feel even less at ease.

If he likes you 'like that', he already likes you in jeans & a tshirt.

I really admire you, OP, hope you have a good time.

PeteCampbellsRecedingHairline · 05/08/2013 22:25

Delurking to say good luck! I hope it all goes well for you.

From what you have said he sounds like a kind, decent man so if for some ridiculous reason your feelings aren't reciprocated then I don't think it will ruin your friendship.

I married my best friend by the way. He always knew apparently! It took me a good few years and some crap relationships to figure it out. Grin

DeeLighted · 05/08/2013 22:29

Ooh good luck Lucy!!!

AKissIsNotAContract · 05/08/2013 22:47

Great thread. Good luck :)

ChasedByBees · 05/08/2013 23:04

Oh lovely! I think him waiting at the party is a good sign. Is his name Gru?

TSSDNCOP · 05/08/2013 23:24

I heart Gru.

Good luck Lucy unless he is Gru in which case he will decline you as he is mine

readyforno2 · 06/08/2013 00:33

Can't believe we need to wait till next week!
Good luck Lucy

thistlelicker · 06/08/2013 00:46

Yey to a date!!!! Meh to Sunday tho!!! Just keep emailing and texting casually:-)

Ireallymustbemad · 06/08/2013 01:03

Only just seen this too, I hope it goes well Smile

evelynj · 06/08/2013 04:47

Oh God, I feel 15 again reading this & am so nervous & excited to see what happens.

When is dinner please so the whole of MN can send positive vibes?

Cerisier · 06/08/2013 04:58

Good luck Lucy, hope all goes well and feelings are reciprocated (it certainly sounds promising!)

ToomuchIsBackOnBootcamp · 06/08/2013 10:00

So glad I'm not the only one who read through this while thread only to bellow "Sunday??!! She was supposed to be having dinner with him this week!! Sunday is too long to wait!"

But all best wishes Lucy and agree, be yourself, dress your way, after all it's the real you that he (hopefully) has feelings for.

ToomuchIsBackOnBootcamp · 06/08/2013 10:01

sunday italic fail!

Elsiequadrille · 06/08/2013 10:14

You are right to be a little cautious. You must be so nervous, I can't imagine how nervous I would be if I ever fell in love with my oldest and best male friend, changing the status quo and all that. I genuinely think we would be able to move on and continue the friendship if things didn't go according to plan, however, and I'm sure you want to remain such great friends whatever the outcome.

50shadesofknackered · 06/08/2013 10:17

I've just read this thread and nearly cried, cried I tell you, when I read that I'd have to wait until Sunday! SUNDAY!!!

Op, i don't think a man that wasn't interested in you wouldn't be so eager to see you, email you out of the blue or wait for you to get to a party just so he could see you before he went home. Good luck.

Supertrooper88 · 06/08/2013 10:29

I have only just found this and I would be just like you in this situation.

I really do wish you all the guts you need to say something that may at least get his man brain into thinking along the same lines of possibility (if he isnt already).

Good luck Lucy and now I will be glued to this thread for any progress!!!

iloveweetos · 06/08/2013 10:36

Cant wait til Sunday! Have fun!!! xx

noobieteacher · 06/08/2013 10:44

Damn. Must check whether they have internet on my Eastern European campsite for Sunday.

Mum2toomany · 06/08/2013 11:01

Marking

Snapespeare · 06/08/2013 11:23

De lurking to wish you the very best of luck. :) hurry up Sunday!!

everythinghippie29 · 06/08/2013 14:28

Also shamelessly marking my place! Good Luck OP!

Catmint · 06/08/2013 20:30

Can I just say I am glad I'm not the only one who finds Gru strangely attractive...Grin

TSSDNCOP · 06/08/2013 20:56

Back off Catnip Angry