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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Oh bugger. I think I'm in love with one of my best friends.

335 replies

LucyWildelovesGru · 22/07/2013 20:27

I've known him for years though we've definitely spent a lot more time together recently. He's kind and funny and smart. We get on incredibly well, we spend loads of time together and we never run out of things to say. We've got loads in common, and lots of mutual friends - he's perfect. I even like his parents.

And now I think I've fallen for him. We went to a wedding two weekends where neither of us knew many other people - as a result, we spent most of the time together and had a lovely time. And when I got home, I realised I don't want to just be friends any more, and I keep thinking about him and how much fun we had.

I can't believe I've gone and done this - he's so much a part of my life, and now I've got to either tell him how I feel and ruin the friendship if it's not reciprocated, or do nothing and try and get over it. Or, I suppose, hang around in the hope that he feels the same way. But I don't have any real evidence that he does.

I have absolutely no idea how to go about this - I've even been googling "ways to tell if he fancies you" which is absurd given my age and the fact that all the articles say things like "try and sit next to him in class and see what happens". But I've never been in this situation before - got married at 25 to the boy I'd been going out with since school, and haven't dared go on a date since we split up two years ago.

I know he isn't dating anyone else, and that he hasn't had a serious relationship since his girlfriend died about five years ago. But that doesn't mean he's interested in me, of course.

Please, tell me to get a grip and get on with my life. Or to get a grip and tell him how I feel. Or give me a list of "ten ways to tell if a forty something bloke who's unfailingly polite and interested in everyone he encounters likes you more than he likes other people" so I can work out whether he likes me back.

OP posts:
beaglesaresweet · 26/08/2013 12:45

its place

And good idea, OP, to go no contact for a while, he may reveal what he really feels or doesn't feel as a result. If he says he misses you and asks why though, I'd tell him.

noobieteacher · 29/08/2013 16:44

Oh this is so awful. Just got back from holiday to catch up. What an absolute nightmare for you. You'd think he would give off signals to the right person - how can he be giving them off to both you and her?

Or is the other woman just pushy and has 'claimed' him?

I think you should try and spend more time with him to clear the air and find out where you both stand - losing this friendship will be awful for you and for him as well and you should fight to keep that at least. I think it will be messy but the alternative is pretty grim.

My guess is though, if he's passive and 'decent' he won't want you around much if that's what his partner wants.

evelynj · 31/08/2013 12:16

Ah boo sorry to hear. This. Not convinced this is the end though. Also Op, I just enjoy reading your posts. You sound nice & sounds like you have a pretty fun life so keep us updated and good luck!

Remember, all's well that ends well. If it's not well, it's not the end :)

AndAnother · 12/09/2013 19:56

Any update OP?

Screwfox · 12/09/2013 23:55

you know love isnt supposed to be this hard.

if it aint working - bin it

pickledwillies · 02/04/2024 17:14

@LucyWildelovesGru Wondering what happened?

K8ate · 02/04/2024 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

pickledwillies · 02/04/2024 20:25

That's an odd comment. There's nothing particularly strange or made-up sounding about it.

jaynebxl · 02/04/2024 22:02

Wouldn't it be lovely to get an update? No reason to think it was made up.

ShadesofPoachedSmoke · 08/04/2024 15:33

@pickledwillies from 2013? I really hope she's moved on by now Grin

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