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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

came across a few interesting texts, now what?

366 replies

houmousandcarrotsandwich · 22/07/2013 07:00

Been married to dh for 7 years in August and have 2 young dc. As far as I was aware all was ok, life has been hard work with 2 little ones but I assume this is normal.
Then last night dh had left his phone on charge while he showered (he's usually very attached to it) and as I went passed he received a text. It flashes up who and the message, I see its a woman (whose name I've never heard him mention). Message said something along the lines of I hate it when we talk and everyone is watching. Do I hsd a quick look at his messsges. Only had a few minutes but looked pretty friendly all texts ending in kisses, there were also similar from another woman.

I have never gone through his phone before. What the hell do I do now?! If I confront him I show I've been through his phone and don't trust him (which before last night I did)

Any ideas on how I get any more evidence?

OP posts:
cjel · 10/12/2013 18:19

xx

Mama1980 · 10/12/2013 18:25

Good luck op x

Mum2Fergus · 10/12/2013 18:35

Glad you got all clear H...will be thinking of you tonight x

Clargo55 · 10/12/2013 18:38

Good luck, you can do this. Stay strong for yourself and DC.

somersethouse · 10/12/2013 19:00

Good Luck OP. You are, without doubt, doing the right thing.

I am so pleased you have put measures in place to get back some of your inheritance. I don't need to tell you how bad it is he had access to that money and security and yet your poor DF's death and your sadness was his 'reason' that he first starting 'looking on line' Arse.

You sound amazing.

The sound of him makes my skin crawl. He will yours too, in a few months I would say. If not sooner.

MissScatterbrain · 10/12/2013 19:04

Good luck Op.

Original poster
houmousandcarrotsandwich · 10/12/2013 19:07

Thanks all.

Kids in bed, smartened myself up and have evidence in hand waiting for him to walk through the door. ...

OP posts:
cjel · 10/12/2013 19:12

what time is he due in?

Original poster
houmousandcarrotsandwich · 10/12/2013 19:16

Soon, should be next 10 mins but is often late

OP posts:
shoom · 10/12/2013 19:32

All you need to say is that you want him out. He doesn't have to agree or admit anything. He's had all the control until now. He'll not like you taking control now. And don't fall for the manipulation he'll pull about you breaking up the family / he's doing his best blah blah.

He doesn't show you basic respect. I expect you'll be far less likely to be depressed once he's gone.

sillymillyb · 10/12/2013 19:38

Just read this and wanted to add my support, you are doing wonderfully, you are being so strong. Good luck for when he gets home. I will be thinking of you x

Rumplestiltskinismyname · 10/12/2013 19:44

Best of luck for this evening. I think you are amazing- he is an arse for losing you.

AdiposeLoveMe · 10/12/2013 19:56

Just read through the entire thread and just anted you to know that I'm thinking of you.
Hope you're ok.

PopiusTartius · 10/12/2013 20:30

Hope you're ok. Well done.

Perfectlypurple · 10/12/2013 20:40

Good luck

technosausage · 10/12/2013 20:42

Good luck

YoniMatopoeia · 10/12/2013 21:13

Just read your thread. Good luck houmous.

I hope he doesn't try to blame you.

HaroldTheGoat · 10/12/2013 21:14

Good luck OP.

Ilovekittyelise · 10/12/2013 21:28

i just read your thread. im very sorry to hear what you have been through. i find it really hard to understand why and how someone could behave so awfully to someone they have chosen to make, and create life with.

to me, the lies are actually worse than the act(s) of infidelity and i just dont think someone who has lied that much really understands the concept of honesty and how fundamental it is.

HankyScore · 10/12/2013 21:28

Gosh he's a disgusting sleaze. Ugh.

Dirtybadger · 10/12/2013 21:35

Good luck!!

Back2Two · 10/12/2013 22:08

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

MikeWazowski · 10/12/2013 23:18

Hope you're ok OP, be strong, you can do this, I've managed 2 years as a lone parent and it's tough - but it does get easier Thanks and Wine

Original poster
houmousandcarrotsandwich · 10/12/2013 23:44

Ergh, hes still here. In the spare room. He refused to leave.

Still denies sleeping with others. Has admitted a kiss. Theres been more flirting at work with othervwomen I didn't know about (and had been around 2 of them for coffee! Really just coffee? !). Apparently they have picked up he's been down and they start talking and this leads to flirty texts!
Has admitted to flirting online. The most recent being Saturday night, while I was at my works do. Then when I asked him to show me, he said he deactivated the account on Saturday (yeah right!). And the account he says still exists as I've checked it today.
Apparently he gets lonely when I work over night (which is very occasionally, a few times a month max)
I told him over and over again I was through, this was too broken. He kept going on about changing, even though I said he's had plenty of opportunity.

Now in bed, exhausted.

He's off work tomorrow, so I have no idea how it's going to be

OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 10/12/2013 23:46

Well done for confronting him.

I'd take the kids out for the day tomorrow.

Remember he didn't have to flirt with these women. It's been his choice.

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