how can I convince dh that condoms are the way to go - or is there a compromise?

[highlandspring]

I'm hoping someone will be able to help me - have changed my name just in case dh decides to have a quick look at what I've been posting on

basically, dh and I love each other very much. Due to medical reasons, I cannot tolerate any hormonal contraception and cannot do any of the non-hormonal ones you insert (copper coil, diaphragm) due to a weird shaped cervix and uterus.

This has left us using the withdrawal method but it has so put me off having sex because I really do not want to get pregnant. For me, sex is the bees knees of all stuff we do together - dh is quite happy to do all sorts of other stuff but for me, I don't mind the other stuff but would always want sex at the end.

This is now causing problems because I am starting to completely lose interest because I feel I'm not getting what I need and he is getting annoyed because he feels I'm not 100% into what we're doing (I'm not!). If he would wear a condom for sex, we could do it properly and I would happily partake in all the other stuff because I know we would end up having sex at the end.

But he won't - because he hates them . So either he wears one and he doesn't enjoy it or we do withdrawal and I don't enjoy it and worry that I'm going to fall pregnant. Heeeeeeeeelp!!

Expat - can't you get free sepermicide from the GP and / or FP clinic??

I realise this thread is a few days old but it's very timely for me! I posted under health last week that I wanted to try going off my pill for a few months to see how it affected my weight/skin/mood etc. So of course the first thing i did was go out and buy a pack of condoms. Well to give DH credit, although I know he does't love condoms he seemed quite up for it (no pun intended!!!). Well, things started off great - I don't want to go into too much detail but the point is he was definitely willing. But a few minutes into the actual sex he just stopped and said it wasn't any good for him as he couldnt' feel a thing. (Yes we used lubricant, no didn't think to try it inside the condom).

Now what can you say to that? I really couldn't blame him and agreed to go back on my pill straight away. Having read the rest of this thread I guess I'm lucky that I have that option but would still love to find away to go without it for 3 or 4 months. If I feel wonderful off it I probably would consider sterilisation but don't want to jump the gun.

So how did your weekend go highlandspring? Any success? Do you think it's worth trying to get DH to give it another go?

Me and dh have always used condoms and always will until he decides to pick up the courage to get the snip!! I refuse to go on the pill ,inject or implant myself!! this is his contribution to our sexual/mental health!!

There are def. different types of condom it took time to find the ones that suited us I would recommend for people who don't use them Condomi natural condoms... my sister who never uses them with her dh had to have her implant removed so she was worried and her dh didn't like using condoms..she tried them and she said they were both pleasantly surprised at how good they were you can hardly feel them...lots of lube and your sorted!!

Ask him if he would consider a trial of different types of condom then buy a few and try them out there are so many to choose from.. then he may begin to increase his technique and lessen his fear of using them

Just an idea

the durex avanti is by far the best one we think both me and dh think its the closest thing to nothing you can get

I am allergic to liquid silk so it must have something in it

have just been loking at condoms on the web (like you do) and found LAMBSKIN ones, made from '100% natural lamb MEMBRANE' eurgh

So do you think there are more Persona babies or more withdrawal babies on MN?

Expat I used Diaphram years ao and it was more yuck than Condoms. Like you we are not too fertile- over a year to concieve both and it's me that hates condoms. I keep thinking about Persona but the comments here have frightened me.

No sex is what's called for!!!

DH and I have used withdrawal since we conceived DD in December 2001 (conceived on the 3rd month of trying), no accidents as yet.

I had forgotten about this thread!

Well we had some success over the weekend. We found the durex one mentioned the best one however, I was absolutely terrified that I would rip it with my nails (so have cut them short!). It really is very thin but I guess this is why it feels the best.

Dh is definitely not 100% convinced and it took all my female persuasion to get it all to 'work' (iykwim!) but I think what will swing it is that he saw how much more relaxed and into it I was (made sure I was v enthusiastic ) and I think in the long run, he will realise that the happier I am in bed, the better it will be for him!

I did point out beforehand that this was very much last chance city. If this hadn't worked, then it would have been a visit to the doctor for both of us!

was it the avant ones you used?

How about natural family planning? If you can manage the temperature-taking and recording of CM (and you have regular-ish cycles) it's pretty good. The nurse who taught me (NHS) said that if you're careful and committed it has a success rate of something around 97%. Compared with persona which is more like 92-94%. Persona apparently doesn't tell you to stop having sex early enough, so you can increase its effectiveness by counting days/observing CM and abstaining/using condoms for a little longer than it suggests.