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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

how can I convince dh that condoms are the way to go - or is there a compromise?

113 replies

highlandspring · 07/06/2006 10:40

I'm hoping someone will be able to help me - have changed my name just in case dh decides to have a quick look at what I've been posting on Shock

basically, dh and I love each other very much. Due to medical reasons, I cannot tolerate any hormonal contraception and cannot do any of the non-hormonal ones you insert (copper coil, diaphragm) due to a weird shaped cervix and uterus.

This has left us using the withdrawal method but it has so put me off having sex because I really do not want to get pregnant. For me, sex is the bees knees of all stuff we do together - dh is quite happy to do all sorts of other stuff but for me, I don't mind the other stuff but would always want sex at the end.

This is now causing problems because I am starting to completely lose interest because I feel I'm not getting what I need and he is getting annoyed because he feels I'm not 100% into what we're doing (I'm not!). If he would wear a condom for sex, we could do it properly and I would happily partake in all the other stuff because I know we would end up having sex at the end.

But he won't - because he hates them Sad. So either he wears one and he doesn't enjoy it or we do withdrawal and I don't enjoy it and worry that I'm going to fall pregnant. Heeeeeeeeelp!!

OP posts:
Original poster
highlandspring · 07/06/2006 10:58

PC, I think it is the scaryness of it - though I don't think he will openly admit that.

OP posts:
bundle · 07/06/2006 10:58

a vasectomy is a relatively minor procedure and imo the men who have it for the sake of their family are intelligent, sensible human beings.

expatinscotland · 07/06/2006 10:58

i can't use the combined Pill, either, b/c of family history and being over 35, no depo or implant b/c of hx of depression and progestin-only contraception left me w/what is probably permanent scars on my chest from awful cystic, boil-like acne and gave me 3 periods in a month.

i don't agree w/how the copper coil works.

so it's spermicide - and soon to be w/diaphragm - or w/drawal for us.

dh is rather . . . Blush . . . well endowed and finds condoms a faff.

so do i.

rosiesmumof4 · 07/06/2006 10:59

highland spring, I was sterilised n my 30's, in fact they couldn't wait to do it!!, obviously considered me to be rabid sex fiend as I was wild enough to have 4 children Shock.
If you are sure you don't want any more children then I would go for the sterilisation, and insist they do it.

Kelly1978 · 07/06/2006 11:00

expat, I got loads of spermicide free when i got the cap fitted. Didn't work for me though, hence the dts. Grin

Might be worth tryign ebay though for condoms or spermicide, we jsut bought enough to last a year really cheaply!

kama · 07/06/2006 11:01

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expatinscotland · 07/06/2006 11:01

thanks for the tip, kelly! Wink

FioFio · 07/06/2006 11:01

This reply has been deleted

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kama · 07/06/2006 11:02

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
highlandspring · 07/06/2006 11:06

GP told me they wouldn't do it - perhaps I need to be more forceful.

I agree bundle, I think men who have vasectomies are very responsible and sensible. In fact, one of our good friends has just had it done and I asked him to speak to dh but dh is a complete and utter wuss and will not even consider it. To be fair to him, he also has had a serious allergic rection to an anaesthetic in the past so any mention of opting to have an operation seems like madness to him (given what he went through in the past). I can understand that.

I think I will go to Boots and buy a shedload of differnet types of condoms and have a look at them myself and perhaps convince dh to have a play with them. Then I'll push the GP on the gynae stuff and see what happens.

Thanks everyone - glad to see that I didn't seem like I was unreasonable as that's the way I was starting to feel.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 07/06/2006 11:08

What I don't like about the copper coil is that it is an abortificant.

Also, longer, heavier periods. NO thanks.

bundle · 07/06/2006 11:09

it's done under a local, not a general anaesthetic.

madmarchhare · 07/06/2006 11:09

What about male pill?

expatinscotland · 07/06/2006 11:11

there is no male pill available as of yet.

otherwise, dh would have queued up for it!

madmarchhare · 07/06/2006 11:13

Arent they nearly there with the injections?

expatinscotland · 07/06/2006 11:15

nope.

madmarchhare · 07/06/2006 11:22

As you may tell, I am completely ignorant in this matter.

Tortington · 07/06/2006 12:03

they wnt consider you becuase your in your 30s?

i would go back and use the word "demand" if i were you.

ps. think your dh is pulling a fast one regarding the bits operation. i dont know him and i think he's lying Grin however even if he is - its fuck al to the pain and expsnnse of havng another child.

Tortington · 07/06/2006 12:03

and he would do it if he wanted sex bad enough

tell him to grow up

anniemac · 07/06/2006 12:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Molton · 07/06/2006 13:11

Persona? Basically half the month you are fine without contraeception (as long as you have a reasonably regular cycle) and other half use condoms or have a cup of tea instead....
Quite pricey to start with and involves peeing on a stick a few times a month but 94% reliable which has got to be better than withdrawal...

motherinferior · 07/06/2006 13:14

Ahem: I know two MNers whose use of Persona resulted in babies.

bundle · 07/06/2006 13:17

I too know two Persona Babies, it's a common phenomenon

Molton · 07/06/2006 13:22

Now I'm worried.......

SOULGIRL · 07/06/2006 13:27

If his only excuse is that he is scared because of his bad experience pehaps he should try acupuncture to overcome his fear (I know someone who has a similar fear & swears by it)

One of my friends was told to go private for a vasectomy as the NHS are putting them as "low priority" to save money.