DP got handjob off his male BF

[ohfuckkk]

Namechanged (hopefully). Here goes..

My DP of ten years (no DC, no problems - i think) has confessed to me this weekend that when extremely drunk staying at his mates house a couple of weeks ago he 'came too' and his openly gay (our mutual) friend was wanking him off.

He says he can't remember much else as they were both drunk, his friend stopped mid-flow because he (DP) wasn't aroused.

WHAT THE F am i meant to think?

I wouldn't jump to any conclusions about his sexuality from this unless there are other things that have given you cause to consider this on the past.

I would tell him that you want him to be able to tell you the whole story and then wait for him to do so.

It sounds very much to me that he was passive because of the alcohol rather than because he wanted the experience to continue.

I don't think you should be confronting the mutual friend too provocative I see no benefit
If there is any what went on,it needs to happen between the two guys
But only if it is tolerable and doesn't create a ruck.consider terminate the friendship

havens in London work with people who've been sexually assaulted
Otherwise most police have a designated officer or can assist
Maybe your dp needs discuss with a neutral person,gather his thoughts

Thanks scottish

Maybe i'm too skeptical, but I'm not convinced it was necessarily assault. From the things you've said, I wonder if he did consent and feels guilty enough to come clean about what happened, but is trying to downplay it as much as possible. Your first response, about how adament your DP is that it wasn't assault, is very interesting. He could be deliberately not admitting to you that it was consentual, because that would mean he was cheating on you, but refusing to accept it as assault because he knows it wasn't and that his friend doesn't deserve to be in trouble for it.

Of course, I could be completely wrong - all I'm say is, consider every possibility here.

*saying

I too suspect it was consensual and he's sounding you out about it. If he had been abused, he would show some kind of outrage / anger / hurt and I can't imagine that he'd want further contact with this guy.

If the tables were turned and you 'came to' to find some bloke's fingers inside you, you'd class it as assault and would call the police. Unless you'd agreed.

I'm confused sondosia. Both of your senarios paint the DH as a cheater and in no way leaves space for assault. I'd be more concerned that it WAS assault and her DH can't admit it.

OP, you said it concerned a mutual friend. Hiw has that friend behaved towards you since?

Actually Whocansay, I think a lot of women wouldn't want to class it as an assault and certainly wouldn't call the police. You're falling into the mindset that if the "victim" didn't protest/fight/say no then it wasn't really an assault. Many people wrongly blame themselves for not putting up a fight, especially if it is an assault by a friend/acquaintance.

This happened to my DP, long before I met him, but it was a straight male friend who did it to him (not that that makes a difference) and it really confused him.

It's sexual assault, no consent is assault. It took a long time for my DP to get over it, and apparently it wasn't the first time this 'friend' had done this!

It is likely that this was without consent by the sound if it and therefore assault. However I'd guess your husbands reaction (or initial lack of) which might be confusing him is due to a quiet realisation that the real culprit here is alcohol. This wouldn't have happened if they were not both very very drunk. Maybe the issue that needs sorting first is this. He might not want drunken lack of control to destroy a friendship.

I would add, having had a young male friend who had to have sex with a woman because she was threatening to kill herself immediately if he did not, that sexual assault which doesn't result is visible harm or penetration is as upsetting to men as to women but is culturally seen as less upsetting. It is probably far easier for him not to face up to the fact of assault.

Result in visible harm I mean

It happens believe it or not, I don't think he's been assaulted either, something must have instigated it getting to that stage, if I was you I'd forget about it, sounds like a drunken mistake to me, from both men = watch what you drink!

He's saying its definitely not assult. If he was so drunk he couldn't remember then he wouldn't be so sure about that. Sounds like he could be eggagerating how drunk he was and trying to hide the fact that he consented and feels bad. Sounds like experimentation to me.

Obviously I could be wrong but if he was that drink then I just can't see how he would be so sure it wasn't assult.

BloomingRose

If he was pissed out of his head, he was unable to consent. Therefore, it was assault.

That is the law of this country thank god and you are spouting rape myths. Have a word with yourself.