If you were to pass on just one piece of relationship advice to your DC....

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

... distilled from your own experience, observation, or what you've read on MN and elsewhere, What would it be?

On balance, I think mine would be 'be yourself' in the sense of ... be very wary of getting together with anyone for whom you feel you have to change personality or who openly wants you to behave differently in order for them to love you. If they don't love you for yourself, move swiftly along.

Best advice for my daughter would be

"Never become financially dependant on a man"....the number of posts I read where women in terrible relationships have to stay for financial reasons.

For both

" live live to the max and don't settle down until you are in your 30's"

Only you can make yourself happy. Don't rely on other or material things for that. Learn to love yourself the way you are and other things should add to your wellbeing, not be the base of it.
Too "selfhelp" but true nevertheless.

Always maintain financial independence.

DP has a massive head, we've not had kids yet. I think I'm screwed.

We learn about relationships first and foremost from our parents; if yours taught you damaging lessons then these need to be unlearnt.

You cannot act as a rescuer and or saviour in a relationship.

You cannot help anyone who does not want to be helped.

My mother always said you should always have a running away fund, too.

Financial independence is very important. Money can't buy you love, but it sure as hell gives you more options for everything else in life.

Wait before you have children with someone, until you really get to know them and are sure you are compatible.

I read this elsewhere, it sounds depressing, but it's good preparation/antidote to fairy tale ideas some people have about married life, IMO: marriage means facing all life's problems times two.

Watch their family of origin very carefully. Know that that is how they will revert to in terms of coping skills.

Always earn your own money.

No, Peppermint Patsy's advice is the best!

I am telling D14 that one...

Respect the person you live with but above all respect yourself in a relationship. If you have that covered you can solve most problems together

Watch their family of origin is a good one.

But I am now just wondering if exH learned my (former) tolerance of abuse from watching my family of origin.

I am not sure I can give dcs relationship advice, as I have two failed marriages, just teach/encourage/model healthy boundaries and self-respect and that they can say no, accept no, etc, and be happy themselves, and hopefully find someone who they can be happy with.

Always maintain a source of income - yy
And like the sitting on boxes example. So true.

Read this thread

Am bumping 'cos it is ace and worth reading ...

Only you can make yourself happy. Don't rely on other or material things for that. Learn to love yourself the way you are and other things should add to your wellbeing, not be the base of it

Totally agree with this Kione - another good piece of advice I have learned from (the hard way ) is you can't change anyone else's behaviour, you can only change how you react to it.

When you see negative things about the other person's behaviour, don't assume they are one-off incidents or things that will change when they are a little older. Better to assume this is how the person will behave forever. I saw lots of things in my teenage boyfriend's behaviour which I thought were one-off incidents or just because he hadn't yet grown up properly or lived independently. Big mistake. He's now my ex after a 20 year relationship and dc and he still behaves the same in his 50s.

If we all followed the advice never to become financially dependent on one person, no one would have children, since very few people with children have a lifestyle (house, mortgage etc) that they could afford to continue if one of them were on their own with the dc.

Don't settle for second best. Ever.

I agree re "be yourself" and have confidence and belief in yourself.

But I will also be passing on the amazing wee mantra picked up from MN - "When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM!"

Wow, Cogito!

When I saw your thread title, I thought "be yourself".

If your partner doesn't like that person, better to know sooner rather than later!

Just as well you lot are not my mothers, I've earned £0.00 for sixteen years and I don't give a fuck.

Well done you.

I would advise DS to ensure he doesnt have children until well and truly settled and married, ensure he chooses a partner with similar interests and work ethic and never leave contraception to just one partner but both.

Only marry your lover if he is also your best friend.

I'd pass on the words of wisdom my mother passed on to me:

"Never shag anyone who doesn't have a proper name". Sage advice.

To echo many people on this thread I would stress till I went blue the importance of never becoming totally financially dependant on anyone else.

Also, from my own experience never shag anyone whose career plan is 'the band'.

Take it slowly, get to know each other properly and don't rush it. I know when you're 20 and 'in love' that you want it all now but honestly you have ages. Better a year or two or three spent dating, going on holiday, seeing each other in different circumstances and building your relationship than moving in together/rushing up the aisle, having a couple of kids, finding out that he/she is the laziest/most unfaithful/moody twat since the year dot and it all falling apart horribly. You're young. There's no fecking rush!

I don't know if this is the only thing I'd say, but one thing would be listen to what your friends and family are saying about them. If one friend doesn't like them, no biggie, but if none of the people who love you express positive feelings about your chosen partner, you need to give that some weight.

Also, never worry about the fallout of following your heart - if it doesn't feel right get the hell out.

I wish I had the link the the SATC when Samantha explains that if a man makes you smile, you stay, if he makes you frown, you go.