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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

If you were to pass on just one piece of relationship advice to your DC....

131 replies

CogitoErgoSometimes · 15/07/2013 15:58

... distilled from your own experience, observation, or what you've read on MN and elsewhere, What would it be?

On balance, I think mine would be 'be yourself' in the sense of ... be very wary of getting together with anyone for whom you feel you have to change personality or who openly wants you to behave differently in order for them to love you. If they don't love you for yourself, move swiftly along.

OP posts:
TheMagicKeyCanFuckOff · 15/07/2013 17:08

Make sure you like who you love.

redrubyshoes · 15/07/2013 17:11

Actually that came out wrong! I meant 'if you were in danger/trouble not of your making'

Blush
Original poster
CogitoErgoSometimes · 15/07/2013 17:13

I like 'like who you love', if that's not too confusing. Confused The 'own money' one also gets my vote as it served me very well when things were bleakest.

OP posts:
AmandaPandtheTantrumofDoom · 15/07/2013 17:13

My advice would be to find someone who makes you feel like the best version of yourself. Someone who makes you feel comfortable being exactly who you are and who loves you for being that person.

Never date a man you feel you need to mend or change. It won't work.

Watch how a man treats waiters, shop assistants, etc. If he is an arse to these people but nice to others, it is the arse bit that is his true self.

GetStuffezd · 15/07/2013 17:13

Learn to be happy single! Don't ever feel the need to be in a crap relationship for the sake of not being alone. Keep yourself financially independent and make sure you could go it alone of needed.

DamnDeDoubtance · 15/07/2013 17:21

All relationships should be friendly, loving and supportive.

ballroomblitz · 15/07/2013 17:22

Mine is pretty similar to getstuffed's. Learn to love yourself first. You don't need to be in a relationship to feel happy and validated in yourself. A crap relationship can be the loneliest thing in the world.

If you can't agree on the biggies like marriage and kids don't expect they will change. There's a small possibility they might but don't bank on that happening.

redrubyshoes · 15/07/2013 17:24

Save 10% of your income or more if you can.

If he hits you/cheats on you/lies to you then leave the first time he does it. DO NOT HANG AROUND.

Wear what you like and not what is fashionable. You do not HAVE to follow the crowd.

Learn how to revise for exams. It is a skill and will stand you in good stead for the rest of your life.

Learn how to touch type.

Look after your female friends - do not drop them the second you get a boyfriend and expect them to be their in an instant if/when he dumps you or you dump him. Why should they?

Watch how he treats him mum/sisters/women. Is he a little prince and doesn't lift a finger? Yep - you will be his lackey in the future.

Prozacbear · 15/07/2013 17:26

Make sure you are financially independent.

Don't date a man that you are capable of resenting for any long period of time, or who makes you feel stupid or small.

Be with someone who you can laugh with - just because someone looks good 'on paper' it does not mean that you 'should' be with them.

IT'S OK TO BE SINGLE FOR MORE THAN TEN MINUTES!

You can't change him. But if you may be able to change his clothes (I'll stand by this one).

pinkpanther79 · 15/07/2013 17:34

My grandma gave me 1 piece of advice "be kind to each other." Works for me!

OTheHugeManatee · 15/07/2013 17:39

If it doesn't feel right, that's probably because it isn't right, not because there's something wrong with you.

redrubyshoes · 15/07/2013 17:41

If he has children from previous relationships that he doesn't see or support please don't think you are 'different and special'. You aren't - he won't see or support your DCs either.

DMCWelshCakes · 15/07/2013 17:43

If someone tells you who they are, believe them.
Always have enough money to stand on your own two feet.
Make sure you like someone before you get into a relationship with them.

TerribleTantrums · 15/07/2013 17:46

Don't rely entirely on one person for your happiness, and don't allow another person to hold you entirely responsible for their happiness.

Repeatedlydoingthetwist · 15/07/2013 17:48

If someone doesn't treat you in a certain way/display certain behaviours at the start of a relationship, they're sure as hell not going to start when you've been seeing them for months! If you don't like the way things are at the start then stop it there and then.

YY to Poledra also, the head thing is v important!

BalloonSlayer · 15/07/2013 17:50

You are supposed to treat the person you are in a relationship BETTER than you treat friends/relatives [except children]/colleagues/people in the pub/strangers.

So . . . if you are in a relationship with someone who is nicer to others (apart from DCs) than they are to you, that relationship is a crap one.

themaltesecat · 15/07/2013 17:52

Don't be with someone stupider than you. You end up dying when you're with your family and your boyfriend says, "Who's Dr Faustus? Don't you mean Dr Phil?" and he isn't joking (true story).

Keeping your own money and marrying someone you fancy are both very important.

Be kind to each other.

Murtette · 15/07/2013 17:56

If, after a series of bastard boyfriends all of whom you have tried to fix, you have the luck to end up with one who is really nice, kind & caring and puts you first do NOT think he's "pathetic" and dump him and then spend another 10 years (and a lot more bastards) trying to find someone who treats you in a similar fashion.

Chigley1 · 15/07/2013 17:57

If you feel loved, you are.

When someone tells you what they're like, believe them.

I realise that's 2 things!

flowerpotgirl12 · 15/07/2013 18:00

Date a kind man who will treat you well and makes you want to do the same. Someone who treats you as an equal not a housekeeper/cook/sex toy. If you're not happy or it's not right stop making excuses for the reasons and do something about it. Be strong enough to listen to yourself and the confidence to walk away when it's wrong.

momnipotent · 15/07/2013 18:07

Never be dependent on someone else, either financially or emotionally.

FortyFacedFuckers · 15/07/2013 18:07

Don't stay in an unhappy relationship

Sallystyle · 15/07/2013 18:08

Hurt and drama is not love. It is hurt and drama, do not confuse the feelings of that with love.

noddyholder · 15/07/2013 18:09

Enjoy being young and wait for someone great. Anything else is hard work and being single is amazing

Lancelottie · 15/07/2013 18:12

One I've already had to ofer up to DS at 14:

It's only a relationship if both people want it.

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