I don't know where to start

[SolihullBorn]

The only thing I know is that I'm flying to New Zealand on Monday to bring my little grand-daughter (4) home to England just as soon as I can. My darling son and his dear wife were killed there just 3 days ago so I'm flying out. I have no proper idea what I'm going to have to do when I'm out there. I have a few contact addresses and of course I know where little Amy is being looked after but I don't even have a key to my son's house. I've no idea if either of them made a Will or anything about their finances. What about the funerals? I just don't know where to start. Amy is going to be so sad and confused leaving her home and her friends and I don't know what to say to help her. I need help or a checklist or something.

Do you have a good friend who could go with you? I would drop everything (as I'm sure anyone else would) to help a friend in these circumstances.

It maybe when you get there that Amy is, understandably, desperate to be with you and a friend could help deal with the practicalities to free you up to do this.

Re the flight, airlines can be enormously sympathetic re upgrading you at a time like this. I know that probably sounds unbelievably trite but business or first class have much more space and privacy which you sorely deserve.

I'm so terribly sorry to hear this awful news and send you strength and courage.

I think they're the same link, Boosterseat.

I would honestly take your younger son with you. You can't do this on your own. He will be able to do the running around while you take care of Amy - the looking up things on the internet, the phonecalls (there will be loads), the money, the paperwork.

I think the upgrade would be particularly apt when you bring Amy home.

Can your son and husband prepare a room for Amy?

What will happen if your DIL's parents want to take on Amy's care?

OP didn't want to read and run. Lots of fab advice and offers of help here, please use them if you want to - MNers can be amazing.

Depends on how useful he is, horsetowater.

Just another thought - there will be a social worker involved now re the foster care piece. They should be able to offer some practical advice and assistance.

Good idea, Gobbolino. The social worker will be the point of contact for Amy. Have you spoken to him/her or the foster carer?

Tragically I don't think it is a good idea to speculate about bringing Amy back to UK. We have no idea what her parents might have planned. And personally I have no idea of the legal/social security processes that might be in place in NZ. I live abroad and have to think about what might happen to dd in the event of our deaths. She doesn't just get handed over to the first claimant.

social services that should be....

Awful decision for you to have to make, Portofino.

I am really not getting this linking business.

Try again

And details for British High Commision for Wellington

Wellington

If its closer to Auckland

Auckland

I hope you have lots of RL friends and family to support you right now.

Well not really, we have made provision and have to hope the powers that be go along with our wishes. That is the case even within the UK. Here, OP doesn't even know what the wishes are, if provision has been made etc. It is very sad, but better to know the facts first before making plans.

Oh no. :(

I'm very sorry for your loss and for little Amy's loss too.

I have no practical advice I'm afraid, but am thinking of you.

I can offer nothing more than my heartfelt sympathy to you, SolihillBorn.

I can not begin to imagine losing my DS & I think you are a wonderful granny to go there & help Amy.

You will be in my thoughts.

How utterly awful. I'm so sorry for your loss Solihull. I hope everything goes as smoothly and gently as possible for you, Amy, and the rest of your family.

I am so sorry for your loss I hope you can get support for yourself out there

I'm so sorry to hear this.

I am so sorry Solihull, for the loss of your son. You must be in a state of utter shock. How lovely of you to be so thoughtful of your son's inlaws at such a time.

Perhaps not helpful immediately, but Winstons Wish is a charity to help bereaved children. I am sure they could give you & Amy lots of help and support as time goes on.

The logistics of the next few days and weeks will probably pull you through, for the moment. But please look after yourself xxx

I'm ever soo sorry to read this thread. I wish you the best on your difficult journey and I wish you and Amy the best in the future. I am truly saddened to read of your loss.

What a dreadful thing to happen,i can't begin to imagine what i'd do,but i do know that you'd be best,imo,to take someone with you,you will need support.
Is there no way your other son can go with you,it might help him to be helping you iyswim?

I'm so so sorry for your loss. With regard to immediate practicalities can you contact the police officers who informed you do that you can get details of the NZ police officers dealing? They should then be able to assist with access to the house, liaising with social services in NZ etc.

Definitely contact the consulate in NZ.

Can you contact your sons employer? They may be able to assist with legalities or point you in the right direction. Had they been there long? Is it possible a will was made in the uk?

Such a tragedy. I'm so sorry for your loss solihull.

There should be a family liaison service which would be part of the police service in NZ - they should give you more information about what to expect.

So, so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you are going through. If you go via Singapore, there is a spa in the airport. If you have time, get a massage. You need to look after yourself and it can make that second leg a bit easier.

NZ MNetters will be awake soon so might be able to help with local specifics.

We lived in NZ a few years ago and can vouch for the fact the British High Commission are a professional, human lot. I'd echo everyone else saying you should contact them.

Good luck