Another Thread (LoserNoMore...again)

[LoserNoMore]

Hi, so on another thread but not really much further forward, in fact I feel worse. Anyway I've been to the doctors and have Anti D's and referred to a counsellor. Hopefully these will work.

Thanks to everyone for their support on previous threads and PMs too, it is all very much appreciated.

to be perfectly honest at this point in time i feel like i'm either on the verge of a massive fucking breakthrough or a total bloody breakdown.

i'm either going to learn to say FUCK YOU and mean it or cower in a corner and eat myself with another bout of depression. no particular 'YOU' in that btw just the whole general shebang.

also just been chatting to a friend whose wife is going to die soon from pancreatic cancer after they did it all right, the treatments, the hell, got the all clear and then the very next tests showed it was back and beyond redemption. hate myself for being self pitying in that context but jesus we're sold a load of shit growing up! we should just tell our kids dance and live whilst you can and learn to stick your fingers up at everything that tries to crush you.

but we're good girls and boys and we try and teach them to be good girls and boys. i had the crushing of catholicism and sin and never being good enough for my mum to love me so i'm maybe a less than 'normal' example but god knows there are those who had it a million times worse. please do something that makes you feel alive, rebellious and unbeatable today. because i may be paranoid but it doesn't mean they're not out to get you

and advance apologies for sharing my meltdown/breakthrough on here. it is one of those days i guess.

Hope you're ok SAF and it's just a breakthrough you're having. You do need to learn to say fuck you sometimes. I'm slowly learning. Sorry to hear about your friends wife. Life is so bloody cruel at times.

I'm not that keen on Florence but I do like that song. I thought it was Shake it Off too!

right, have still been feeling overheated so have just spent ages scrolling through all last thread and this so I feel back with you all now.!
SAF - I rate counselling , I am training myself.Person centred. Very gentle, client led and not directive or leading in any way. I had loads myself found it so helpful decided to qualify, 3 years down, 2 to go!!! Hope you manage to get twat of a doctor sorted to get the tests you need.
LNM You've been on a roller coaster since I lost you, glad you found JD when you needed him and got yourself to drs for some help.
Everyone else!! Hope you are doing ok, glad to be back with you all.xx

Blimey! There was no action all weekend on here - then I go and have 3 really busy days and come back and look what's happened!!!

Hello everyone. Welcome back cgel, good to see you back! SAF - for you! Jax - where would we be without your ? LNM - hope the meeting with the ex went ok. I still hate seeing mine an that's almost four years on now! Different maybe but still a pain in the arse. I wish I could never have to see him again really, that would make it all much easier!!

My boys break up tomorrow - they had two weeks off at whit so means that they finish a little later than others. Can't wait for Friday - I'm staying bed till 10!!!!!! So tired and just running round like a blue arsed fly this week. End of term madness and I'm not even a teacher lol!!!!

Good to see you back too Cjel.

Imtheonlyone, you do sound like you need a break. We haven't been getting out of bed until at least 10am since the start of the holidays. Halfway through the 4th week here, 3 more to go. I should really think about school uniform shopping soon.

Oh forgot to say, ex is moving into his own place this weekend. Think his sister gave him his marching orders.he was moaning to me about the price of it, like I give a shit.

LNM how can you be so uncaring ? a good xw would either offer to subsidse the poor little thing or let him move back, How can you be so cruel?

Haha! Let him moan about the price? Has he been paying you maintenance? Or continuing to pay your rent? Good that he's getting a place of his own. He might well realise you're being serious about all this now? Surprised his sister let him stay as long as she did!! They must have just cottoned on that you weren't just 'letting him suffer for a bit' !

I know, how selfish of me.

Yeah he's paying maintenance, imtheonlyone.

Dd1 asked me if her dad has a new gf. I said as far as I was aware no. She said she heard him on the phone last night talking to someone and she asked him who it was. He said just a girl that's a friend. Ex has just text me telling me he's seeing someone and can the girls meet her.

Fuck sake.

Idiot. I'd say not at the moment, its a bit early and they are still unsettled!!

Far too soon for that. I know he'll think I'm just being awkward.

He could also be asking to be awkward and get reaction !

I would say no too. How long has he been seeing her? Is it serious? Why would they need to meet her at this stage? Does she have children? If so, would they be meeting them too? Lots of questions! And very early for new partners to be introduces to your dd's who are very young

That's my pov anyway!!!

I have no answers to those questions either imtheonlyone ha!

It's just too soon. I only ever see JD when dd's are with ex. Its too much for them to deal with.

Exactly! They're just having to deal with mummy and daddy not living together anymore. They don't need any other complications right now.

Ps how was last night with JD anyway ??

It was nice. Was just a flying visit, stayed for a cuppa and I even got a foot rub! Bonus. He's too good to me.

I asked him would he care to elaborate, he replied "forget it, doesn't matter. Probably wont last". Nice.

what an idiot! uh yeah hun sure, introduce your kids to every random you decide to shag for a bit. why the hell not? he is beyond belief.

i am getting together with vasectomy guy tomorrow. good idea/bad idea i have no idea but i want to and i'm glad. right now a decent cuddle, aside from the rest, sounds just what i need.

what happened about being a week late SAF did I miss that?
I thinkmr Lloser just said it to try and make LNM jealous and get a reaction.

christ, I am busy afternoon and evening and stuff happens!

Just caught up, what a cock he is LNM. Just trying to get a rise out of you, see if he can add salt to the wound is all.

SAF - I feel like that sometimes when things are shit and bad news just follows bad news, makes me want to rebel, do daft stuff and generally misbehave! You have a lot to do to dissolve that cloak of catholic guilt shame that has been painted on you, but you will get there.

Agree with the feedback call advice LMN a friend who hadnt gotna job did this just as another staff member announced she was leaving and they offered her the job there and then, also ask them to keep your CV. On file in case another vacancy comes up( shows you are keen!!)

When me and xdh ran our own business we used to interview and sometimes took ages to make decisions. Once someone rang up and we gave them the job because they had!!!

Vasectomy Guy have fun SAF, sounds like you need a bit of tlc.

Who knows what goes through ex mind. Don't know if I'm coming or going with him. I did feel a bit hurt when he first text though :( I don't think he needed to be so matter of fact about it. Wish I didn't feel like that.

anyone know where i can find a JD or vasectomy guy? although i need long term before sex (sorry ladies - just how i am )