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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Another Thread (LoserNoMore...again)

435 replies

LoserNoMore · 10/07/2013 16:58

Hi, so on another thread but not really much further forward, in fact I feel worse. Anyway I've been to the doctors and have Anti D's and referred to a counsellor. Hopefully these will work.

Thanks to everyone for their support on previous threads and PMs too, it is all very much appreciated.

OP posts:

imtheonlyone · 24/07/2013 22:54

His response to you just sounds like he's made it up to get a reaction out of you!! More lies in the long list of shite that he's dealt you . The man is a fool LNM who has realised far too late what he's thrown away.

imtheonlyone · 24/07/2013 22:56

I could kill for a foot rub my feet are killing me!!! Asked DP last night but he refused

JaxTellerIsAllMine · 25/07/2013 07:23

Morning. Usual for everyone.

Original poster

LoserNoMore · 25/07/2013 09:23

Morning, I need gallons of coffee today. I can't sleep at night but can't get up in the morning, so tired.

OP posts:

cjel · 25/07/2013 09:49

LNM hope coffee has worked,I just woke at 9, 10 yesterday and 11.15 tues so must be getting better!! I'm usually 7ish,
I think his attitude is definately a front to try and make you think he doesn't care - he is full of bs.

Have you thought more about ringing for job?

buildingmycorestrength · 25/07/2013 10:10

LNM, I've been really unsure about whether to post this. The main thing it shows is how little he thinks about anything else but his cock. If the following sounds unlikely then sorry... obviously I don't know him or this woman so this is basically pure speculation.

Sorry if this is blunt. 'New girlfriend' probably means someone he slept with more than once, and it would be convenient for him if he didn't have to boot her out when the kids are over. Plus she is probably saying stuff about 'how much she loves children' in order to keep things going, and he wants to show off his 'parenting skills'.

He may kind of know (deep down) that it's not on to involve the girls, and may want you to tell him that, as he is probably slowly gaining some measure of respect for your opinion since you aren't bending to his every whim. You know, like children kind of realise they need boundaries and want you to be strong mum. He also doesn't care at all if it hurts you, not because he is just a pig but because it will not have entered his head. He has no real room there for anything but what he wants. This will happen again as he has so little self-control.

And of course it hurts. Of course it disturbs your sleep. It must feel like getting 'the news' all over again, realizing all over again that he is NOT A GOOD MAN AFTER ALL.

Original poster

LoserNoMore · 25/07/2013 10:24

That sounds about right Core. Now that he is getting his own place he has more freedom to have woman there. If I ok it for dd's to meet a new "girlfriend' then he can relax and won't have to worry if they cross paths. He's not a good man, I don't know why he's changed so much.

I called about the job on Tuesday, Cjel. They told me then I didn't get it. I'm back to work on Monday :(

OP posts:

cjel · 25/07/2013 10:27

Oh sorry LNM, I really haven't been with it this week, Hope better new job is waiting for youx

Original poster

LoserNoMore · 25/07/2013 10:35

Thanks cjel. I hope so too.

OP posts:

swallowedAfly · 25/07/2013 13:02

but did you hand in the cv for the other job yesterday lnm? i'm crossing everything for you again.

cjel - i got my period 10 days late in the end - was a little hair raising! think it must just have been because i'd gone away so travel, change of climate etc.

i have Vboy tonight and counsellor in the morning. keep getting tempted to cancel counsellor with the whole oh what's the point and there's nothing they can say or do that i haven't tried kind of thing but yesterday i blubbed on a friend and i clearly have stuff to let out and don't want to end up overburdening her itms? so i think i better go. not sure i'm capable of opening up with a stranger though.

anyhoo. another day another... something.

Original poster

LoserNoMore · 25/07/2013 13:19

Yeah I handed the cv in yesterday. Exes friend works in the same place, it was him I handed it to. He's a nice guy and I've always got on with him so shouldn't be a problem.

I know what you mean about the counselling. I kind of feel the same but sometimes I feel like my head will explode with the stuff going on in it just now. I think you should give it a try. I'm still waiting on my appointment...

Have fun tonight with V Boy!

OP posts:

swallowedAfly · 25/07/2013 13:33

i probably shouldn't see vboy in reality - i'm probably way too vulnerable and needy at the minute to be dabbling with men but i really want to have a nice night of sex and good stuff you know? that outside of time stuff that seems to soothe the soul.

Original poster

LoserNoMore · 25/07/2013 13:56

Yip, I know exactly what you mean. It's a bit of escapism.

OP posts:

swallowedAfly · 25/07/2013 14:13

yep. it is totally 'away from' or outside of everything else. like a little bubble in time. back to reality can be a bumpy though.

cjel · 25/07/2013 14:21

SAF, just start to say the !st thing that comes to mind in counselling and the rest will follow. i used to go in sometimes and not know what to say and by the end of the session had discovered stuff i didnt know was there!! its brilliant.also found it great for going over stuff i didnt want to bore friend withx

swallowedAfly · 25/07/2013 16:06

good advice cjel - now what do i say/how do i start things when i go to vboys tonight?

imtheonlyone · 25/07/2013 17:22

What do you want to say SAF? Sorry if I missed that further up thread?

Good luck with the job LNM - fingers crossed again for you!

They've finished school today, finally, so I get home and think that's it I can relax now for a bit .... Then realise ds2 has his bloody swimming lesson!!!!!! In desperate need of now!!!!!

Original poster

LoserNoMore · 25/07/2013 17:32

It depends SAF, what do you want. Is he a good listener, do you just want some fun?

Thanks imtheonlyone. Just think of the lie in tomorrow!

Sounds like ex is in the pub going by the text he's just sent. Along the lines of its ok for me to go picking up men but he's not allowed a girlfriend and there is no way he will ever be replaced, I'll never get better than him blah blah blah. Then ends it with he'll never get over this, please forgive me.

Oh dear.

OP posts:

imtheonlyone · 25/07/2013 17:39

Oh dear LNM - certainly sounds like one of his drunken messages! Perhaps remind him that you will never get over what he's done to you either and there's no way you can ever forgive him for betraying you in the way he did. And that he's only got himself to blame for all of this! He really is unbelievable!! He really thinks the best way to get you back is to make you jealous!!! What makes a man think like that???? I just don't get it?!?!!!! Perhaps best ignored for now though of he's in pub and you respond, he will see it as carte Blanche to keep going and that he could be in for forgiveness and just moving straight back in!!! Last thing you need is him turning up on your doorstep again
Wish he would stop all this LNM - it must be so awful for you. I'm so with him!!!

swallowedAfly · 25/07/2013 17:41

i would be tempted to reply that it sounds like he's talking about himself not you ergo - he'll never be able to replace you, he'll never get better than you etc. drunken numpty doesn't even know he's projecting.

i don't know what i want lnm and am feeling a bit paranoid that he doesn't really like me but maybe feels badgered into seeing me

lazarusb · 25/07/2013 17:53

I'd be tempted to text him and say 'I've already done better than you. The person I'm seeing is faithful'.

You don't need to justify yourself though. Isn't a little bit satisfying that he isn't any further forward than he was when you first caught him out? Let's face it, the children in these situations don't need to meet new partners, especially transient ones, in the early days. I waited nearly 6m to introduce my ds to now dh. By that point I knew that our relationship was more than a flash in the pan and we wanted a future together. He's being an arse, in more ways than one!

swallowedAfly · 25/07/2013 18:02

ds knows the vguy because i knew him before anything happened and he's seen him and been treated kindly by him in the pub and such in the past. if anything develops between us i think i'd just let george know we were friends iyswim - as in not 'hide' it as such but not make a big deal out of it and not encourage him to think it was some huge thing itms. i'm really not sure of how best to deal with things like that with kids but my situation is very different to your ex's in that there's not been a relationship breakdown or family torn apart to hurt ds and leave him needing to heal and process. it's always been me and him. considering your kids are just going through their family breaking up and adjusting to you two not being together anymore the idea of him introducing 'girlfriends' is ridiculously stupid.

swallowedAfly · 25/07/2013 18:04

it occurs to me (thinking of the nobhead the other day and your ex) that some men think they are fantastic fathers when in fact they've just got fantastic wives who make everything go well. lose the wife and you get to see exactly what kind of parent they actually are.

lazarusb · 25/07/2013 18:29

Totally agree SAF. A lot of men only feel the brunt of childcare after separation because that's the first time they have any prolonged, solitary contact with their children. I think your approach re:your ds and vboy would be a good one if he's around a bit more permanently...although you may not want to refer to him as 'vboy' of course!

Original poster

LoserNoMore · 25/07/2013 18:30

I'm tempted to text him back but I won't. I think he has some sort of radar which picks up when I'm feeling a bit down and vulnerable and he bombards me with this sort of crap.

OP posts:

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