I just grrrrr :-(

[mebe705]

I just wake up

sad its been such long time
I was so blind stupid naive

I loved somebody

I feel so ashamed
how culd I sleep that long

Is this a poem?

Almost a couple of haikus there.

well I guess Im the one to blame
I should know

....
he did not feel the same

Song lyrics?

why not make it into a song? We've all done stupid things, or felt stupid for loving someone who turned out to be a twunt....

You can't blame yourself for loving someone that doesn't feel the same way. Just learn from the experience and try not to repeat the same mistake next time.

Maybe get an alarm clock if sleeping in is a problem?

Henrietta yeah already got one

Cogito it was my foult
like also my ilness which made things worst and finally It come to the End

and I tought he did I mean felt the same but
"if you do love somebody you would not do things you did
so day after day you would just loose one butterfly after another
and then one day
when there is not any left
you would come to the conclusion

that he treated you with cruelty which you totally did not deserve

and then the alarm clock goes on
and the you know

that you were right to close your heart and throw away the key

What was your fault? Being ill?

What you're describing is an abusive (cruel) relationship. That doesn't make you stupid, naive or blind. It more usually means that you were manipulated into tolerating the intolerable. Maybe you didn't think you had alternatives? How is someone abusing you your fault?

buu I do have problem
Ive got learning diffculties

allways have

All kinds of women are abused by their partners, sadly. Makes no difference if they are academically gifted or have learning difficulties. Anyone can find themselves a victim. Have you talked to anyone about your experience? Have you asked for help?

well I kind of was resposible for my illness
I had choice

and I could not do it
and the consequences
.....

No-one is responsible for their illness. Only for doing what they can to improve their health e.g. seeking and following medical advice. You may have had choices during this abusive relationship but anyone who has experience of these things knows how persuasive abusers can be and how quickly a victim can feel trapped. Some women never 'wake up' let alone find the courage to finish it.

Are you getting any help with this?

there were just words
a lot of humililation
but the worst

scary even
that stupid feeling
that he enjoyed me suffer

Unfortunately, there are some very inadequate, horrible people who can only make themselves feel good by making others suffer. Unluckily, they don't walk around wearing 'I am a cruel bastard' t-shirts, and some of them can appear to be very nice and normal on the surface. If you're a kind person yourself, you won't see it immediately.

Have you spoken to anyone about your experience IRL? Are you getting any help or advice?

well Im ok
I have to be

and Im ressponsible
my illnes
something went very wrong durring normal event
and the consequences

but like I wrote It was my choice
I went against his will
puted my feet down and ....
I got dissapointed

Does 'puted my feet down' & going against his will mean you stood up to him? Does 'I got disappointed' mean he attacked you? Or does it mean you're upset that it ended the relationship?

there was a chance that nothing of that could happen

in moment I neded him the most
he could just take phone from my hand

there was a chance to avoid it
well but you can not expect help from somebody who do not want to help you
and in result of that

my illness and the damage

IRL ?

In Real Life... IRL

Sorry, I'm having some difficulty working out what's gone on here exactly. You needed him for something and, rather than help you, he stopped you using the phone? What do you mean by 'my illness and the damage'?

oh IRL no I did not

I stood up cos I could not have abortion I just could not do it

ever since it was so bad
I got dissapinted cos ever since
I told him I can not do it

he put me trough hell
scaring me about the familly history death
Verbal abuse I was everything
like everthing

starting from psycho crazy nutter ending with f*g
a**s

I was terrifield about the baby

I needed his help when I was in labour
he was to busy
he was having fun watching footbool game having drink
when I phone the h they said to me to to wait phone bck
it went so fast after that and so very wrong
Their excuse was I was to relax on the phone

He culd just help me with the phone call
but he was not there

So has this person left your life now? Did your baby survive?

OP - it does not sound like anything was your choice I hat you describe.

It does sound like you are in an abusive relationship and have been massively let down by your partner.

Is the anyone you can talk to in real life?

well "illness"

baby was at risk I was at risk
they had to save baby and they did
it went worst for me